because I love her so much

Madilynn is 9 Months old, her next photo shoot she will be one year old!!

a little blog happy, i know...

But I couldn't help it, she is just so darn cute. So, I had to share these pictures. She is up and about for sure, getting into everything that she possibly can! she says 'Uh-Oh!' now...

Mommy, I love my shoes!

Helping Mommy do the laundry

Here is my funny story: She is in her walker and I am taking the clothes out of the dryer. She ran into the bathroom and after a couple of minutes I went to check on her. She managed t get the cupboard open and got into some things. She looked up at me as I walked in and said 'Uh-Oh!' I couldn't stop laughing, she is such a cute kid!

Caught in the Act

25 things about Moi...

The infamous facebook note --I had to post it on my blog because of course it is all about... Moi!

1. One thing that I am working on at the momment is my aggressive driving, I am trying to be kinder to people on the road, which is funny because I am typically a compliant person.

2. My favorite colors are Red and Pink, I am such a girl, I know!

3. I have a huge crush on Kevin James, I would probably marry him if he proposed.

4. Titanic is still one of my favorite movies.

5. I am Compassionate. Chances are that if you are reading this, I love you.

6. I hate being called 'Religious'. Truth is that I am not religious,I have a relationship with God, and that doesn't mean I am 'religious'!

7. I have a new found love for purses and bags.

8. I live in an apartment, alone, for the first time in my 23+ years of life.

9. When I was a little girl I used to bite my fingernails. My grandma offered to buy me a gold ring if I quit. So, I did. She bought me a ring, and I haven't bitten them ever since.

10. I do not drink soda, I think it tastes gross. Actually the only things that I do drink are water and on rare occassion a beer or glass of wine. Caffine makes me sick to my stomach!

11. There are 18 stoplights on my way to work every morning. Welcome to urbanization!

12. I have slight Scoliosis with a 25% curvature in my spine.

13. When I was younger I was in gymnastics for a couple years, I can still do the splits, and that is probably about it.

14. Shopping is my drug of choice, it is the only drug that I have ever used...LOL...seriously. And it is also another thing that I am working on!

15. I have lived in three states: Nevada, California, and Minnesota.

16. I am OCD and anal about everything pretty much, and according to Pete my pastor I am 'High Maintenance' Thanks Pete for being honest ;).

17. I am not a huge animal fan, I hope to never have an animal living in my home ever again.

18. I have been told by more than one person that I am too forgiving, but I don't think that there is such a thing as being too forgiving.

19. I am always tired regardless if I have gotten enough sleep or not.

20. I love to clean, it makes me very happy.

21. If I could help it, I would never be alone, I always like to be in someones company.

22. If I could I would make it so that every single day of the year was 80 degrees and sunny, I promise I wouldn't even dream of snow!

23. My dream job is to be a stay at home mom with a small online shop of some sort.

24. My ears have been pierced since I was an infant.

25. Believe it or not the only music I listen to is Christian, unless I am in someone Else's car or home or what have you...

Plans for good

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

Jeremiah 29:11

I have faith that my God is going to give me the best life that I can possibly have! Often I turn to fear instead of faith and make mistakes not following his plans for my life. So that is why I am where I am. Right now I am facing consequences of choices that I made out of fear, and sheer disobedience to what I knew God wanted for me.

So now I have started the journey of giving all of myself back to him. It is hard, and I struggle, but I know that I am where I am supposed to be. I am a work in progress. And I can't take credit for anything, I give it all to him, who saves me from myself and saves me from all of the wrong decisions that I have made.

I look forward to following the plans that you have for me God. I cannot wait to see what is in store for my life, I am eager to grow into living more and more fully for you. I have hope for a fabulous future, in you.

Share the warmth!

I am tired of the snow covered roads, being stuck indoors and sub zero temps outside...

I know that to some people (those that live in Florida and California) are so excited and thrilled at the thought of snow, but that is because they are There, not here. They are where it is warm and cozy and sunny, with the ocean nearby! But here in Minnesota, when it is 25 degrees above zero, we decide that it is nice enough out to go for a walk outside... seriously!

I am so ready for a vacation! Taking my weekly vitamin D, to fulfill the lack of sun that I am receiving, doesn't count as a vacation people. No, I am talking about laying out on the beach in a swimsuit, playing with Madi in the sand and sweating from the sun beating down on my skin. Now, that is what I am talking about.

But that obviously isn't happening anytime soon, so I am going to try to be as content as I can here in this life.

Just imagine being homeless in Minnesota and having to endure this cold and these conditions. Two people have just recently died due to the cold! So please, Share The Warmth by clicking on this link to see how you can make a difference.

And if anyone wants to donate money to my vacation fund feel free ;)

My Money Counts!

Money will buy:
A bed but not sleep;
Books but not brains;
Food but not an appetite;
A house but not a home;
Medicine but not health;
Amusement but not happiness;
A crucifix but not a savior.

I have joined a class called Crown Financial. As part of the curriculum I read a book titled, 'Your Money Counts' by Howard Dayton. It is simple, yet simply amazing! My eyes have been opened and as of today I am choosing to make some better decisions in my financial life.

I look forward as I start my journey along this rough path... I am in a tough place right now financially because of my previous irresponsible decisions, and today I have decided to face them. I know that God will be by my side. What seemed impossible alone, is possible with his help!

Off to Crown Financial I go tonight... I am nervous and excited all at the same time to make these changes... No more credit card! that is soooo scary for me, but I know that God is sovereign and I am putting this all in his hands.

Please pray for me during this transition, this is a hard place for me to submit to God, sad I know, because it is only money!

Happy-ness

When I think of things that make me happy here are a few of the things that come to mind:

My home
Prayer
Watching Madi sleep
My space heater
Water bottle with a built in filter
Jesus' grace
Ladies Night
Scrapbooking
Shopping
Gods presence

Fortune Cookie

Good advice costs nothing and is priceless.

Creative Coop

I had a blast today at the Cricut and Crop class that I attended from 9am-11:30pm... needless to say, I am exhausted! Many thanks to Laura who taught the class, I learned a ton. Here is where it was held.

why?

I am encouraged to pray harder for our nation after reading this article. I personally have known a couple of women who wish that they were counseled better, and given all of their options before aborting their babies... after experiencing life (and death) inside of your womb, you are forever changed.

and just a side note, I DO NOT want my money to go toward funding for population control in other countries via abortions, that is sooo not the answer!

PS why does the media seem to support abortion?? seriously, should it be used as a birth control?! argh... that is all I have to say, it is Friday, and it is going to be a good day :)

My little tangent: I love babies!

Fortune Cookie for today, because I need some sweetness

'Appreciation is a powerful tool to shift perspective. Finding something to appreciate during a difficult situation quickly moves the perspective to the big picture from the little picture.'

Fortune Cookie

'The secret of getting ahead is getting started.'

I run accross motivational saying, quotes, or verses often... So, I think that I am going to start sharing them with everyone. Here is my first first "fortune cookie". There will be more to come :)

Inauguration sounds like Urination

LOL, What?! ... it does, doesn't it!?
(oops... I don't know what happened, I meant to post this last night, oh well, better late than never)

Inauguration: wikipedia-ed

"The swearing-in of the President of the United States occurs upon the commencement of a new term of a President of the United States..."

Yep, that is what is happening today! Hopefully I won't hear anymore ranting and raving about Bush, I am sure that in no time I will hear ranting and raving about Obama instead, it seems inevitable... No matter what happens people seem to be unhappy. But we need to remember that no matter who happens or what happens we still serve a sovereign God! Although many of you thought that with Bush as president the world as we knew it would come to an end, well it didn't, and here we are swearing in the first African-American president. No matter what happens life goes on and it will all work out in the end...

But I just wanted to lift our new President up to God, because I know, that he is going to need Gods help, being the new leader of the United States, after all he is only as human as we all are, we all make mistakes, no one is perfect!


So Lord, bless him! Give Barack Wisdom and Discernment. I pray that he wouldn't be too proud, that he would lean on you, and look to you for answers. We need a man after your own heart to lead us Lord; So I pray just that over his life, that he would turn in your direction, and look to you for answers. I pray for your grace over our country, and a showering of your love. I pray for protection over our new president, that you would keep him safe. Thank you Lord for your sovereignty and thank you for our new President of The United States.

Welcome to the new presidency of 2009, Welcome Barack Obama!

Following Madi around 'In Toe'

Yes, the Pun is intended!

Madi, as energetic as she always is, a Go, go, go kinda girl! I had her in her walker last night, because all that she wants to do is run around, litterally. I cannot keep up with her.

I look up and she is cruising straight toward me, in the walker, shortly after I put her in. I had two options at that point 1)Let her run right into me, which hurts the feet pretty bad or 2)Attempt to jump over her, saving my feet the hurt of the collision, becasue there was no where else to go -the couch was in the way. Of course I chose numero dos... little did I know, the attempt would have failed!

Broken Toe? I think so!

well it is black and blue, actually more of a purple-ish color. Quite swollen (it feels like I am pregnant again, with a swollen toe), and hurts like I have never experienced my toe to hurt before. Any movement of the toe is extremely painful! There was a definite lack of sleep last night due to the pain. I have fractured a toe before, but that pain does not compare to this! At first I thought I just jammed it pretty badly or maybe it was a sprain. As the night grew old, my toe told me otherwise... so yes, I beleive that it is broken. I am contemplating a Doctors visit, although I feel as though it may be unneccesary because there is nothing that they can do for this sort of catastrophe, LOL. It is pretty funny, especially the way it happened. Atleast I didn't take Madi down with me!

Althouhg a broken toe sounds quite awful, everytime I think about it it makes me chuckle, and it reminds me of my cute little cruiser, running all around the house, preparing those little muscles for walking.

I think that I am going to go buy some indoor, tough, slippers for around the house, to keep my precious little filanges protected, from my fiesty, energetic little one.

So, I am wearing the Mock Uggs (probably for the remainder of the winter), and saying goodbye to my cute stilletto boots, for now! As I wobble around due to the pain, again, like I am pregnant!

:)

I am Blessed

It is soo small, but oh so cute! Tamrah, I stole these pics off of your blog! (If you click on the image it becaomes larger)

I feel so blessed... Madi is amazing. Sure she is a hand-full at times (most of the time). As tamrah put it so kindly she is 'Sweetly Sassy'. I would have to say that she is a touch more than sweetly sassy, but that was a cute way of putting it! These pics are a few teasers from the photo shoot that we had on Friday 1/16/09, aren't they cute?!

Madi, as you can tell, is growing up! I am trying to document all of the changes as they are happening, but it is so hard and all of the cute little things are getting away from me! Like the fact that she is attempting to say so many things already like: Mamama, Dadada, baba, num num, Baba, and so many more cute babbles trying to get her point across. She is not shy, that is for sure, and she will let you know if she doesn't like something, in a very sassy way! She is full of energy. All she wants to do is stand, on her own, if you hold onto her she tends to scream, letting you know that she is a big girl and can do it on her own. She is doing this cute new thing with her tongue, biting on it and wiggling it around in her mouth, sometimes it looks like she uses it as though she is focusing really hard. She waves at you if you wave at her and say goodbye, I love it!! She is too cute!

She was screaming today, because she was desperately in need of a nap, and my Mom laughed and said, 'You used to throw tantrums like that when you were a teenager!' that got me to thinking... 'God, she is all yours!' I am going to start praying for wisdom and strength to know how to Sheppard her through her growing years, I hope that she makes some much better decisions than I did as a teenager!

Speaking of Madi, I just heard her little voice saying, 'Mommy, I am awake, come and get me out of the crib now'.

Sp ta-ta everyone and much Love from Both Madi and Me :)

Yes... I live in Minnesota!

Thanks Jenny, she sent me this as an email...

The funny thing is that I noticed a lot of these things as being quite abnormal when I first moved here, most of them I still think are pretty abnormal, but I still see them all the time. This seriously made me laugh out loud while reading, because all of it is so true:

ps this is dedicated to my sister April, who is a new-comer to Minnesota, Sorry Sis!!


Jeff Foxworthy on Minnesota :


If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by,

You might live in Minnesota.


If you're proud that your state makes the national news 96 nights each year because International Falls is the coldest spot in the nation,

You might live in Minnesota.


If you have ever refused to buy something because it's "too spendy",

You might live in Minnesota.


If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March,

You might live in Minnesota.


If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there,

You might live in Minnesota.


If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead,

You might live in Minnesota.


If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time,

You might live in Minnesota.


If your town has an equal number of bars and churches,

You might live in Minnesota.


If you know how to say....Wayzata...Mahtomedi ... Cloquet... Edina... and Shakopee,

You might live in Minnesota. (these are all cities in MN)


If you think that ketchup is a little too spicy,

You might live in Minnesota.


If vacation means going "up north" for the weekend,

You might live in Minnesota.


If you measure distance in hours,

You might live in Minnesota.


If you know several people, who have hit deer more than once,

You might live in Minnesota.


If you often switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again,

You might live in Minnesota.


If you can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snowduring a raging blizzard without flinching,Y ou might live in Minnesota.


If you see people wearing hunting clothes at social events,

You might live in Minnesota.


If you install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked,

You might live in Minnesota.


If you think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and Venison,

You might live in Minnesota.


If you carry jumper cables in your car, and your girlfriend knows how to use them,

You might live in Minnesota.


If There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill's Fleet Farm at any given time,

You might live in Minnesota.


If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over asnowsuit,

You might live in Minnesota.


If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow,

You might live in Minnesota.


If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and of course, road construction, You might live in Minnesota.


If you can identify a southern or eastern accent,

You might live in Minnesota.


If your idea of creative landscaping is a plastic deer next to your blue spruce,

You might live in Minnesota.


If "Down South" to you means Iowa,

You might live in Minnesota.


If you know "a brat" is somethingyou eat,

You might live in Minnesota.


If you find -10 degrees "a little chilly",

You mightlive in Minnesota.


If you actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Minnesota friends,

You DO live in Minnesota.

We are ALL Equal, just a glimpse of Racism

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

I am Caucasian, probably as white skinned as they get... So, needless to say it isn't very often that I come into contact with an act of racism, my experiences have been far and few between.

Recently I have grown close to a group of girlfriends from church, they are all amazing!! Among those girls, we have so many different personalities, and it is always a blast when we get together. The picture above is our first ever, ladies night. I am the only one missing from the photo: clockwise starting on the top right- April, Jessica, Tamrah, Amanda, Monique, and Emarie. I love all of these girls!

I want to talk a little bit about Monique, she is amazing. She has a fabulous personality, it seems like everyone is drawn to her. She is kind, Lively, creative, friendly, and always wears a genuine smile on her face. She is a scientist at the University of Minnesota. She is a mother to 3 beautiful children, and a wife to a great man. I think that the first time we hung out she told me she loved me, and I really felt as though she did! She is new to Minnesota, and hates the cold, she is ready to move already :) But all of us girls do not want her to, we all love her so much.

Just recently Monique and I went shopping together. We experienced two acts of racism during the one hour shopping endeavor; one from two Caucasian females, and another from an African American woman. I was SHOCKED!! I won't get into detail... but, wow! seriously?! The color is only skin deep people! So what, she has dark skin and mine is light...

Last night, I witnessed something that crushed my heart. Someone from our church said something very offensive about 'Black culture' in front of Monique, but regardless it was inappropriate. I got so defensive for her (although I felt that it wasn't my place to say anything, or to put her on the spot, so I kept my mouth shut). I was utterly disgusted and amazed at how ignorant we can be as people!

My eyes were opened last night. How hard would it be to be African American? Monique, Tamrah, Albert and I talked last night about Moniques life, and how racism is such a part of her everyday life. Hearing her stories I realized how judged she is by so many people. I always hear about racism and how bad it is, I have always recognized that it was an issue, But until recently I have never known or could've even fathomed how severe it really is!

I just want to apologize to those of you who are continually affected or have been affected by racism or prejudice. It saddens my heart to know that Monique, and the wonderful person that she is, is judged by so many...

Acts 10:34-35 Then Peter began to speak: "I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism, but accepts those from every nation who fear him and do what is right." We are all Gods children, regardless of our heritage, age, sex, and so forth. Why don't we give everyone a chance? Why do we judge?

Are we not all children of the same Father? Are we not all created by the same God? Then why do we betray each other...? Malachi 2:10

As I opened this blog with a quote from Martin Luther King, Jr., I am going to close it with another wonderful quote that I aspire to live by.
'I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.'
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Inhabitable?

I think that Minnesota should be labeled: Inhabitable.
-20 degrees air temp and -42 wind chill, is just simply insane! People can live in this?? Well not Without long underwear! People still have to work and go to school in this?! Not to mention, the roads are insanely dangerous right now, covered in ice, it was a scary drive in this morning! One thing I can say though is that I am proud to have endured this cold, I feel somewhat accomplished to have endured these conditions :)

I am feeling much better today, still a little dizzy and lightheaded but the nausea is gone, yay! Thanks for the prayers.

Yesterday was a little rough. Dan is pretty upset about the outcome of the court ruling. He told me that it turned out to be worse than his worst case scenario. When he dropped Madi off last night, he told me 'You are the most evil person that I have ever known!'. I was a little shocked. As I opened the door I could tell he was very angry, and his tone with me was quite rude and mean. I asked him what was wrong and that was his reply... that I am evil. I didn't respond right away, because I was a little taken back.
I hope that things will get better once our court stuff is all over with...

Madi is doing wonderful! She is 40 weeks old today (a little more than 9 months). Growing like a weed, she is 29 inches long already, nearly 10 inches longer than her birth length (19.5 inches)! She is 20lbs and 12Oz. She is a very energetic healthy girl. Great weight proportion for her length! The doctor told me that she can tell that Madi is intelligent because of her awareness of her surroundings. Dr. Borow said that she may skip crawling, she is doing a great job pre-walking :) I am so proud of her! CT-Ryan Studios will be taking her 9 month pics tomorrow, I cannot wait! I will be sure to post some once I get them back.

sick again?

I don't feel good, I feel nauseated, lightheaded and sick... AgAiN!! Okay, so seriously how long can a 'virus' stick around? Is it even a virus that I have? What is going on?!

Needless to say I am a little frustrated, I feel sick again... this time I feel like I am going to hurl, my stomach is in knots and my head is spinning. I just want to feel normal again, whatever normal is anyway... I feel like I have been sick ever since I have had Madi. I just wish that I could have a doctor that would advocate for me. It is very odd, I have ups and downs of feeling better then sick again.

I went to the Doctor this morning, only for them to do labs. Hopefully I will get some results that will tell me something about what is going on.

Please, for those of you who are reading this, pray for me... for a diagnoses or better yet for healing (:

Giving your baby a bottle in the crib...

So, apparently we all have some sleeping habits whether they are good or bad...

Madi, had some great ones. When she started to get fussy I would usually just give her a pacifier and lay her down in her crib with Melody (her bear that plays music), which is one of the most amazing inventions that I have ever come across, by the way, I actually bought it a target for $20. She would snuggle in close to the bear nuzzling her face in, and typically go right to sleep, with no fussing or crying. It was fabulous, people who would be over visiting would be amazed. I was quite amazed as well, because for so long she would wake up a ton at night, so I did not in any way shape or form take it for granted!

At night I typically read to her, then give her a bottle as I rock her in the chair, and then lay her down with her bear and Paci, never with a bottle. She isn't taking the bottle very well from me lately, she fights it and acts as if she doesn't want it from me, and tries to sit up acting fussy. I have noticed that she isn't going down as well either. Often she will start crying very loudly once I lay her down. She will kick around moving herself from one end of the crib to the other, while screaming. I couldn't believe it! What had happened to my child that would fall asleep so wonderfully before, and take a bottle from me, enjoying our time together?! So, I asked Dan if he was doing anything differently. His initial reply was 'No' then I asked if he was giving her a bottle in the crib, 'On Occasion' he replied. I was definitely irritated, needless to say! I asked him to please discontinue doing this that it is very unhealthy, and not good at all for Madi's sleeping habits. Then this morning as I dropped Madi off at daycare (at my Mother-in-law's) I asked her the same question. Her reply was, 'Yep.' Argh!! What?! You should know better!! Is what I was thinking, not the best response, I know. So I kindly said to her, 'Can you please not giver her a bottle, especially now that she has teeth, I don't think that it would be good for her.' Her reply was 'Yes.' and nothing more...

Do you think that it would be inappropriate for me to give THIS (click on THIS to view) to my Mother-in-law??

I don't get it, am I THAT anal, or am I being ridiculous?! I just always thought that it wasn't a good thing to prop a bottle or to give a baby a bottle in the crib. More than anything I think that it is a convenience thing for the caretaker, and not healthy for the baby. She apparently does both, so again I am reminded of how desperately I desire to raise my own child, so my heart is sad!

But I had a great weekend, and how wonderful is it that I have temporary physical custody!? No more missing my daughter to death!

Fabulous News!

Other than the fact that it is Friday, My favorite day of the week...

I got a phone call from my Lawyer today, and it was great news! I have Temporary physical custody of Madi!! Yay, I knew that the truth would set my daughter free :) Needless to say I am ecstatic. So here we go, this is only the begining of the process.

There are soo many details but I won't get into all of them. Some of the details are fabulous, and they are things that I didn't even ask for.

It was going on 4 weeks that we hadn't had the ruling yet, but it was well worth the wait! They will be appointing my little one a Guardian Ad Litem to look out for her best interest.

So today, I have a smile planted on my face!!

Adapting to Imperfection

"IN LIFE WE ARE ALL FACED WITH ADVERSITY AND WITH WHAT APPEAR TO BE IMPOSSIBLE CHALLENGES." H. Miller

My Dad sent me information about this Dog via email. My eyes and heart were opened and touched, sometimes I don't even have words to describe my experience of epiphany... I hope that you have the same experience after reading this:

His name is Faith!

This dog was born in 2002. He was born with three legs; two healthy hind legs and one abnormal front leg which needed to be amputated. He of course could not walk when he was born. Even his mother did not want him.

His first owner also did not think that he could survive and was thinking of putting him to sleep. Shortly after, his present owner Jude Stringfellow met him and wanted to take care of him. She was determined to teach and train this dog to walk by himself. She named him "Faith."

In the beginning, she put Faith on a surf board to let him feel the movements of the water. Later she used peanut butter on a spoon as a lure and to reward him for standing up and jumping around. Even the other dogs at home helped to encourage him to walk. Amazingly, after only 6 months, like a miracle, Faith learned to balance on his 2 hind legs and jumped to move forward. After further training in the snow, he can now walk like a human being. Recently Jude has been busy taking Faith to Veterans Hospitals all over the country where he inspires wounded patients.

Faith loves to walk around now. No matter where he goes, he attracts all the people around him. He is now becoming famous on the international scene. He has appeared in various newspapers and TV shows. There is even one book entitled "With a little faith" being published about him.

His present owner Jude Stringfellew has given up her teaching job and plans to take him around the world to teach that, "even without a perfect body, one can have a perfect soul."



Simply Amazing!

PS Congrats Dad on your engagement to Lesa! Much love to you both

Living in the Present, Today is a gift

So, I stole this from Rebekah! I didn't even ask her!! Sorry Rebekah, but I will give you and Henri complete recognition of this post!

'Patience is a hard discipline. It is not just waiting until something happens over which we have no control: the arrival of the bus, the end of the rain, the return of a friend, the resolution of a conflict. Patience is not a waiting passivity until someone else does something. Patience asks us to live the moment to the fullest, to be completely present to the moment, to taste the here and now, to be where we are. When we are impatient we try to get away from where we are. We behave as if the real thing will happen tomorrow, later and somewhere else. Let's be patient and trust that the treasure we look for is hidden in the ground on which we stand.' Henri Nouwen

Wow, I love this... Wisdom is priceless, isn't it?!

Last night at Boundaries I was reminded of who I am. I wonder if at times I do not have a clear picture, my mind becomes clouded with self righteousness, I am ashamed to say that, but it is so true! I realized that there are things in my life that are dysfunctional that need to be corrected. It is amazing how we always fall back into our bad habits without even recognizing them, that is why accountability is so vital to growing emotionally, spiritually, and so forth. SO thank you ladies for keeping me accountable to who I want to be.

If you want to know more about Henri Nouwen Click here

Consciously Eating

I am hungry. I just ate a ham, cheese, and broccoli Lean Pocket. And yes, my stomach is still grumbling. Usually I just eat whatever sounds good. I don't eat much typically, but it must be nearing 'that time of the month' because I am quite hungry lately, and very tired I might add.

The Doc told me yesterday that I was overweight, and I totally know that he is right, it just justifies the feelings I have been having about myself lately, not just about my body, but also the way I feel. I know that your health depends upon a healthy diet along with many other factors.

So along with all of the whole resolution blah blah blah, because it is a new year... I guess that it is my excuse to actually start consciously eating. I love vegies, so why don't I just grab a few bags of those frozen vegies from super target and bring them to work? Or buy a bag of apples, or oranges... Great Idea, I know! So that is what I am going to do. I am not completely going to cut myself off of my guilty indulgences but I will cut them down and start thinking before eating.

Yay, I am excited. Hopefully I will start feeling a little better. We will see how successful I am at doing this, resisting the temptation, there will be a lot of prayer along the way :)

James 1:14 Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away.

Looking on the Bright side

Some say I am a hypochondriac (Sean) and some tell me that I 'Neeeed to go to the Doc Stat!' (Mom)... either way, I always end up there.

I went and saw Dr. Gonzales yesterday, an amazing Doctor, a Mayo Clinic original. As all great doctors are, he is busy, but always takes the time with me to go through everything quite thoroughly. He owns a clinic called MNCOME (Minnesota center for obesity metabolism and endocrinology). As some of you may know I was having some endocrine issues in Mid 2008 following my oral surgery, so he is the perfect doctor for me to see, when it comes to being my general practitioner.

As most of you know, atleast those who have spent any time with me this past month, I have been dealing with some weird symptoms. Dizziness, lightheadedness, almost like the feeling you get in your head when you have the flu minus the nausea, I feel like I am going to pass out all the time. I am not really a quiet person, so whoever hung out with me got to hear all about it :) (that was something that Dan didn't like much about me, I don't really have a filter, I tend to say it like it is).

Dr. Gonzales' response to my symptoms, 'That is easy... You are Pregnant!'. I laughed and told him that it is a mere impossibility, unless God is performing some kind of miracle!

Then he proceeded to ask me, 'Have you heard of Addisons disease?'
I said, 'Are you being Fecicious!?'
His response was the notorious puzzled look on the face...
LOL, seriously Doc!! This is what I have been trying to get you to test me for for the past 5 months!!... he kept reassuring me that I do not have Addisons (during these past 5 months), so because he asked me this question... I was a little irritated! I know, I know, we are all human. He is a busy guy.

So, I have an appointment for Wednesday the 14th to go in in the morning and get some labs done to check for Addisons. Yay! Finally... It will be interesting to see the results. I just want to feel better. Since I have had Madi, I just haven't felt the same!

A couple other things that were concluded yesterday:

• I am Vitamin D deficient (but who isn't in Minnesota - Lack of sunlight). The doctors want you to be somewhere around 100 (40 is a definite minimum), and I was a mere 15. I asked him for a prescription to go Tanning and he laughed. His reply was that I would indefinitely need to take a weekly Vitamin D supplement.
• My Blood Pressure yesterday, as usual, was low: 90/50. It is always running very low, so he prescribed me some medicine to raise my BP, he thinks that that could be causing some issues as well.

Funny facts about Addisons disease (Check, Check, Check and Ummm... ya, Check):

• Blood pressure is low and falls further when standing, causing dizziness, or feeling that you are going to pass out;
• Restlessness (I was just telling Mom, I forgot to ask for sleeping pills, even though I am exhausted most of the time, I still find it nearly impossible to fall asleep at night!)
• Constant Fatigue... Hello, is this me or WhAt!?
• Addison's disease can cause irritability and depression;
• (This is a funny one because it is SOOO ME! Those of you who know me, you will laugh at this one) Craving of salty foods;
• Because the symptoms progress slowly, they are usually ignored until a stressful event like an illness or an accident causes them to become worse. This is called an Addisonian crisis, or acute adrenal insufficiency. In most patients, symptoms are severe enough to seek medical treatment before a crisis occurs. However, in 25 percent of all patients, symptoms do not appear until an Addisonian crisis (when I was hospitalized following my oral surgery they defined me as having an Addisonian Crises).

My doctor told me that I need to make an appointment to see the ENT. My mouth is weird, I never know what is normal anymore though, as I am sure that it is still healing, it hurts all the time and it is pretty hard to eat lately.

So long for fasting yesterday, allll day until my 4:40 appointment... I wasn't able to eat the subway that our employer bought for everyone but me yesterday. Dr. Gonzales didn't even do labs yesterday, LOL, so it was a waste that I fasted anyway. He said that my labs need to be done first thing in the Morning... So, needless to say, because I didn't go to the bathroom yesterday it was not pleasant going this morning.

I am tired as usual, my Mini-Me-Madi is teething so she had a hard time sleeping. Poor baby! She has 2 cute little bottom teeth now, she worked hard for them, so of course, I am proud!!

Looking on the bright side... I bet you were waiting for this, sorry it took so long, but I try and save the best news for last! Philipians 4:13 "For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." All of this is just my journey in growing, growing closer to a God who heals, restores and gives Me strength.

I think that I am going to start labeling these blog posts as the 'Health Chronicles'.

Welcoming 2009

What a fabulous week! God is good... as simple as my life may seem, it is amazing to me, and I am completely content, when I am holding my little girl in my arms. Dan is seeming to be more amicable as of this last week, which has been great. So, other than this cold that I have, 2009 has been great so far! Madi and I had a fabulous 4-day weekend with out-of-town guests. Lots and lots of fun... here are some pics; meeting a couple newbies that have just entered the world Isabella and Kaedyn (sp?); going to the Science Museum; The Fabulous Mall Of America; ringing in the new year with family and a HUGE Christmas dinner; lots of games; and kids galore; and last but not least the Vikings playoff game today at the Legends Club in the Metrodome (thanks JB):