100th Post

Can you believe that I made it to 100 posts on my blog already, wow!! I know, it is because I post pretty much everyday, if not a couple times a day... but what can I say, I love blogging!

I just want to say thanks to everyone who has stood by me through all of the ups and downs over the past 100 posts, it really has meant the world to me.

I was inspired by a fellow blogger, Tara, to do something special for my 100th post. I am not sure If I will be able to capture it as well as the original author, Tara, did with her Autobiography in 100 words, but I am going to try.

Rebecca's 100 Word Autobiography

Unplanned pregnancy, Mom wanted me.

Loving Grandparents. Tumultuous times.

Addicted Father, passive Mother.

Mom remarried - Drug addicted Stepfather.

Drug raid, Foster home, Mother in jail.

Life spiraled downward. Hardships galore.

Instability. I Attempted perfection, wanted control.

Mom finally left him.

We were free.

Mother depressed.

Light appeared, Jesus - Glimmer of hope.

Moved to Minnesota. Alone. Depressed.

Found guy. Wanted Stability. Very abusive…finally left.

Broken. Hurt. Rebounded, met another Man. Married. Turned from God again.

Felt imprisoned.

Pregnancy. Struggle. Had a BEAUTIFUL BABY!

Cancer discovered. Marriage failing. Ultimatum, then Divorce.

Starting over, Serving Jesus… Taking one step at a time.

whew, that was tough. But again, therapeutic!
The power of words are amazing.
There is so much more to it than just that, but seriously, 100 words... That is tough, with so much to say. It seems so dark, but yet there have been so many amazing God stories along the way, I have a feeling though that now that I am whole heartedly serving God the rest will all be uphill :) My parents are both amazing, and they have their own story to tell, they are both serving God now, and I have a fabulous relationship with them both...

Like I always say a wonderful family, fabulous friends, and a very supportive Church! I am one blessed girl!
God has been amazing through it all. I am Loved, and I am happy. He has been there every step of the way, and although more often than not I turned to my own understanding, he has stood there, arms open wide, waiting for me to run into his embrace. Now here I am in the arms of my father, and so much healing is taking place, it amazes me! I have learned so much about who I am in these last few months, I feel great, and happy, and I am single and okay, for the first time. No more looking to a guy for stability, now I am looking to God!

A little birthday gift to myself

I decided that one night wouldn't hurt. So i slept with Madi in my bed last night. I so desperately miss my little innocent, dependant baby who used to cuddle with me. She is so independent now, and although I let her be independent, there are times when she still likes to be close and cuddle next to me though they are few and far between. Among those times are when she is sleeping. So last night was fabulous to snuggle up to her all night, although my sleep probably wasn't as quality as usual, leaving me very tired today, it was great, and started off a wonderful birthday!

I am going out with a bunch of my girlfriends from church, who are all so dear to me. I love them so much! They truly bless me so much more than they know. Emarie and Loni were so sweet to set up a little 'Party' for me. We are going to Kincaids in downtown Saint Paul from 4-6pm for apps and drinks, then heading to my place from 6-9pm, I can't wait! I cannot think of another way that I would want to spend my birthday than in the company of great friends and Family, I wish all my friends and Family could come!

Thanks for all of the wonderful wishes everyone.
Much Love

Reminiscing on 2008

Some amazing things have happened this year, both Wonderful and some a little Overwhelming and not so great... I have decided to enter into the new year with Joy in my heart (as Rebekah put it). Thank you everyone for all of the support that you have given me this year, I truly don't know where I would be without my wonderful friends, Family, Church, and Most of all My Savior - Jesus Christ!

As 2008 began I was very pregnant, 50 pounds worth...LOL. I was so eager to have my daughter in my arms already.

At the end of January, the long awaited and anticipated move happened!! My sister April, Her Husband Sean, and their Four Beautiful Children made the long haul from sunny California to snowy Minnesota. I am thrilled looking back at this year, seeing how much joy they bring to my life. April is the best sister and best friend that I could have ever wished for!!

In February I turned a whopping 23 years old, I know to some that is young, but to me it is Old, and as a matter-of-fact it is the oldest that I have ever been! But with age comes respect and I deffinetly enjoy that aspect of being 23!

I was trying to work on my marriage. To hold it together... Dan and I took the marriage course at the church. It was amazingly tough, we really discovered how different we really are during that time. On occasion he would go intoxicated, and it was very hard for me.

A tumor was growing in my mouth, so I saw an oral surgeon and was told the it was a 'Pregnancy Granuloma', that it should go away post-partum.

April 10th of 2008 was a life changing day for me! My gorgeous Daughter Madilynn Paige was born at 8:20 pm, weighing in at 7lbs 3 oz (not 62 pounds!! so why did I gain that much?!) and she was 19.5 inches, oh how my little baby has grown! I never knew that I could have so much love for someone... But I do! She has been a gift from God, to open my eyes, to what is really important in life.

Dan and I struggled, as he continued to drink (it actually increased during April-June, I have financial statements to prove it). I was torn... I felt obligated to my vows, but my heart was torn. The last thing that I ever wanted for my daughter was the childhood that I had, with a parent dealing with substance addictions... and having to deal with the consequences that come along with those addictions.

After Madi, I discovered that I had a lovely case of Fissures (which took quite a while to diagnose) The colorectal Surgeon finally confirmed my situation! I won't get into too much detail But I will say that I was living in pain for the first 6 months of Madi's life because of them...

7 weeks postpartum the tumor that had grown on the pallet in my mouth had not disappeared it had actually changed in shape, grew larger and the color changed as well. So I went back to the oral surgeon, they, to my surpirise, removed it. I was awake, and it wasn't a fun experience! They reassured my that it looked benign and that I had nothing to worry about...

A week later, I was told that I had Mucoepidermoid Carcinoma... WhAt?! 'Are you kidding me?!' I thought that it was benign!!

July First I had surgery, to remove it, at Mayo Clinic... I was left with a huge hole in my mouth, ouch, that wasn't fun. Following the surgery I got very sick and ended up in the Cardiac ICU. Everything that I ate and drank came out of my nose, it was really tough getting used to it!

By 10 weeks postpartum I had thankfully lost all of my 62 pounds, YAY!

My mouth continued to heal, but my bottom end didn't. It seemed like I had endless cases of medical issues, following the birth of Madi.

Dan and My relationship continued to spiral downward, I think that going through everything that I did helped me to see how really unsupportive he was as a husband... Although he Loved Madi and treated her wonderfully, I cannot say the same about how he treated me.

Finally I received some fabulous treatment (botox in the butt ;) For real, I had botox... Funny, I know! I quit breastfeeding :( but I finally was able to live somewhat pain-free!! Thanks to my Mom who was there for EVERY SINGLE MEDICAL SURGERY AND PROCEDURE that I had this year, she is so awesome, I love her so much!!

As things started to get better, medical wise. I gathered up the strength to face one of my biggest fears... Leaving my husband, with my daghter in the mix! It was tough, but looking back, I know that it will be the best for all of us!

I Continued my pursuit for a God who has been simply Astounding. He has Turned my life upside down and all around, I have hope, in him... and finally we have a relationship like I have always desired to have with him, and it is amazing! Thank you God, thank you for standing by my side, waiting for me all these years, to finally turn to you!

I got a lawyer in September and started court proceedings. For the first time in my life, I live alone (well somewhat anyway... If Madi doesn't count). I got a beautiful apartment in Inver Grove, close to my Mom and church, yay!

I am learning to fully trust Christ. It is a journey and I struggle, stumbling along the way, but God and everyone around me have been lifting me up, so when I do fall, it is short lived, I am lifted up pretty much right away!

The divorce has brought it's ups and downs and we are only at the begining...

Madi is getting more and more beautiful day after day. Haloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas were all a blast with her :) She has so much personality, and I predict that she is going to be a singer some day... she loves to sing already! She has 2 teeth that are popping through now :)

Christmas was amazing! It was my 10th annual Christmas day dinner at the church. Madi and I cooked for it, and it was a blast, great having all of my family there. The opening of gifts afterward at my place was a ton of fun too!

Sooo many more things have happened... I cannot forget about Blogging I started in September. I have also made many mistakes this year, that I hopefully will learn from and not make in the coming year. We are all on a journey, who knows where 2009 will take me!

Welcoming 2009 with open arms...
Love you all
I hope that everyone had a fabulous Christmas, and that you are going to have a wonderful new year.

ps Apparently My Blog is categorized as a 'Top Blog' in Rochester and Minneapolis, little did I know... Thanks to Lynn, I have discovered...