I Miss my Baby!

As I was getting ready for work this morning all Madi wanted to do was to be held close in my arms! I love her, and she has been a little clingier than usual, wanting to be with me more and more - yesterday everytime I stood up she would start crying like I was going to be leaving her or something...

I am sorta sad because I really really want to be there with her and for her every second of the day. This morning was rough leaving her. Madi didn't want me to leave... the tears and screams were hard to resist and I probably held her too long, which made it harder... I won't see her until next Monday :(

5 days... really!? That is so hard, to go that long without seeing my little cutie! I just {still} don't understand why the courts would suggest a 5 day period without me seeing my little girl! I really am missing her right now...

Please say a prayer for the whole situation... The divorce isn't final yet, Child Support still hasn't been agreed upon. Dan does not want to make any changes to the schedule, which conflicts with my schooling. Childcare also seems to be a promising issue - we will see. Honestly, I just really want all of this to be over, and I want us to both be able to see our baby, but 5 days is way too long of a duration to go for either of us...

Madilynn's 15 Month Shoot

Click HERE to visit CT Ryan Studios and view more pics of her!

A blog for Madi

The Things That Madder

(click here to link to the new blog)

So I have decided to start a blog solely for Madi - to create memories that will reflect the beauty of her life as she grows, looking back I wish that I would have done this sooner but rather late than never!

new perspective on Love

I am sickly in love, like I never imagined... Since becoming a Mother my perspectives have changed. The simplest of things are so much more important than they ever used to be.

Life has new color, and a more beautiful view. I live with a smile on my face daily, and a pride in my heart for my amazing daughter.


Yesterday as Madi, Meredith and I spent the evening together, I found myself laughing and smiling, and telling Madi how utterly cute she is inside and out. She makes my heart flutter, how can I love one person so much??


I find myself wondering if she will have the same love for me as I do for her... It is probably impossible, and she will probably never fully understand how much she means to me. She has changed my life, in so many great ways.


She is MY child, and God couldn't have created her more magnificently! As I watch her grow I am discovering more about who I am, and I am discovering more and more about God's love for me, as his child. Life is beautiful, I cannot even begin to conceptualize how truly blessed I am...


I am amazed at how powerful love is, i do believe that it can move mountains, My love for Madi has moved mountains in my life...


"I love you, not only for what you are, But for what I am when I am with you."
-Roy Croft

My baby is growing up

Although I have a few baby books going, I can't help but feel like I am going to miss documenting some precious and priceless moments with my ever growing beautiful daughter.

Madi is doing fabulous! she is as cute as ever and loving her life.

A few fun facts about Madi at 14 Months old...
-she is: Climbing CLIMBING Climbing, all over Everyyything!
-Saying "whats-that" while pointing at anything and everything is a hobby of hers.
-Getting into everything possible, and snickering at me if my reply is "No."
-She hates laying still for me to change her diaper!

-She has so many curls, her hair is hard to tame... often it is scruffy in the back from her laying on it, so I will call her Scruffers!

-I think that she thinks she is a celebrity because I take so many pictures of her!

-Leanna, her cousin who she goes to daycare with, is her arch enemy. They beat eachother up and fight often. It is a love-hate relationship, I think that she is really Madi's best friend - she is a girl already, drama and all.
-Her knees are all scuffed up and bruised, from falling... she just gets right back up though without tears in her eyes now, she has learned to tough it out, and just keep going...
-She loves her bouncy horse and her princess mobile.

-Anything that makes noise is her favorite!

-If I say "Kisses" she puckers and puts her lips to mine, talk about melting my heart...

-She loves to climb stairs, but DOES NOT know how to come down them properly, I about have a heart attack everytime she goes for the stairs to go down... fearing she is going to crash pretty hard someday.

-She laughs a lot - by throwing her head back - and it is contagious.

-She throws some pretty good fits. She typically throws her body backward and falls to the floor hurting herself in the process. I find myself wondering what age 2 will be like.
-Her big thing is handing me something and yelling "Thank-you" at the top of her lungs, as if she is trying to let me know that I NEED to take it from her. Probably because I say thank you and reach my hand out to her to hand me something that she is not supposed to be touching!

-She is a screamer and she always has been, it is becoming more like a very loud, shrill, screech... I laugh, because little does she know it doesn't phase me much!

-I call her my Little Spunky, My Boogie, Babes, My Love, Mads, Babe-sters, and Madders!
-She will actually wear flip flops, the thong in between her toes doesn't bother her, amazingly, because everything else seems to bother her.
-She loves to share her food, even if it is soggy from already putting it in her mouth.
-She is extremely clingy to her Melody bear lately.
-She is off of the bottle for good, and she has no issues with it, she loves her sippy cup, and loves drinking out of a big girl cup.

-She would rather be naked than have me put clothes on her.

-She freaks out now when I pour water over her head in the bath, she used to be fine with it, I don't know where or when the switch occured.

-Mac and Cheese is by far her favorite food, I can tell because none of it ends up on the floor and when she eats it she says nummmm, numm, num, the whole time! - as well as all other noodles... -She likes to try and put my shoes on her feet.

-I am finally able to somewhat successfully brush her teeth.

-She loves Music, and is a natural dancer, I must say I am very proud of her dancing skills!
-Snacks are something that she must have all the time, but they end up all over the floor at home or in the car by the end of the day.
-She is quite opinionated... like she has been since the day she was born.
-She is taking her pacifier less and less, which is great.

-She is becoming a little more attatched to me and less receptive to being with strangers.
-Madi is very uninterested in TV, which is good I guess, although it is a bummer for me sometimes when I want her to be occupied so I can get stuff done:)
-I cannot get her to stay still, she is way too interested in running all over the place.
-She grows cuter and more adorable everyday, I cannot believe that I gave birth to such a beautiful child!
-She is a fun filled, entertainment for me, all I have to do is watch her and I will be amused!
-Yesterday she attempted to put my bra on, it was hilarious!

-Everything that looks like it can be put on goes over her head: My sunglasses, my purse, a shirt, socks... you name it she tries to put it on over her head.
-She says "Uh-Oh" a lot, which is fitting because she either drops or breaks everything...

-She is so smart, she loves taking my phone putting it up to her ear and babbling, I must be on my phone a lot...

-She loves to look at Pictures.
-I didn't baby-proof the house, and it is going pretty well so far, I just have to work with her a little bit.

-I am pretty sure that she loves both Dan and I ALOT, we are by far her favorite - which brings a smile to my face.

-She definetly undertsands the concept of Bye-Bye, and likes it :)
-The biggest thing that I have noticed is that she is a big girl now, it seems like there is no baby left in her...

Two days ago I was laying on the couch watching TV while she played with her toys, she picked up her bear, came up to me, and put her hand in my direction wiggling her fingers and grunting - signaling that she wanted me to pick her up - so I did, she actually layed still with me and we fell asleep snuggling on the couch together... It is the priceless moments like that when I feel so blessed and in love with my baby girl!

What-a-Wonder-FULL-Wednesday

So, it has been Days - litterally - since I last posted, and I don't want time to run away from me! I consider blogging awesome in so many ways: keeping people updated on me and my life, processing my thoughts, therapy, as a way to document my life as it happens... I know that one day I will look back and be happy that I did this, hopefully I will be able to print it and create a hardcopy book one day, for Madi to keep :)


Anyway, I have been trying to stay positive and in doing so I want the think of some wonderful things today.

1. I leave for Las Vegas on Sunday the 7th -throught the 10th -with Naomi, a near and dear friend of mine who will be celebrating her 21st birthday that same day, it will be a ton of fun! We will be lounging by the water soaking up the sun, and eating a lot of yummy food! Too bad she won't have her guitar in hand it is always fun to sing along together while she plays!

2. The weekend following Vegas, Madi and I will be heading up to Walker, MN to see Dan and Shirleys cabin. They have accomplished so much since we were last up there! I am thrilled to see how far it has come along in the building process. Dan designed it, it is amazingly elegant, and oh so functional, probably more so than any other place you have seen! He is so talented...

3. I will be moving into my new HOME! Yes, my own Home! I am thrilled, and blessed and soooo excited. I feel like I have been given so much, and I am so thankful, God has been so good to me! My new address as of June 24th 2009 will be: 7075 Blaine Avenue Inver Grove Heights, MN 55076. I cannot wait, it is beautiful and perfect!

4. I will be having a sleep study done in June sometime as well, and I am hoping that they can figure out why I am so exhausted all of the time, that is something I am looking forward to taking care of.

5. Madi is growing like a weed! Her molars are coming in, there are 4 poking though. poor little thing! She loves to chat, and hold the phone to her ear while doing so. She loves to run around, and to play peek-a-boo. Her little grins that expose her gap-filled teeth make me smile. Her fits are becoming intense, especially when in public, and I am discovering that the pacifier is going to be a LOT harder than I thought to take away from her! When she is tired she lets me - and EVERYONE else - know, by her loud screeches and crabby attitude. Overall she is a blast, always going full speed. I no longer will take for granted the age of a newborn, although they wake up a lot and eat a lot, they are Much easier at that age than Madilynns 14 months of age, I wouldn't trade it for the world though, it is sooo fun!

June is one busy Month for me, I was going to attempt to go to the Family Reunion in California for my Moms family but that fell through, but it is okay, we have another one next year. I was hoping to be able to go as well to see my Dad's family, but hopefully that will happen later on this year!

Overall things in life are going great, life is a bit stressful, but it isn't anything that I can't handle although it does feel overwhelming at times...

I think I learned to appreciate and treasure each day,

because you don't know how many you're going to be given.

~Sandra Day O'Connor

A proud Auntie Becca, that is who I am!

Summer has arrived, and we definetly soaked up the rays that the sun threw down!

Memorial day weekend was busy, and great. We - Mom, Albert, Aprils oldest 4 kids, and myself - went camping with a group from church; went to church on Sunday; I caught up with an old friend; I went rock climbing; went to the Como Zoo for Parkers Birthday; and last but not least visited the Nubies ♥ -yep, Aprils babies have arrived!

We welcomed Abby Jo and Avery Stephen on May 20th at 4:15pm. They were both admitted into the NICU, and stayed there until Sunday 5/24. They did great latching on and breastfeeding right away, they had minor issues such as their glucose levels being off, and not being able to stabilize their temps... but other than that they seem to be doing great, what little troopers! Today they are 1 week old :) and very cute and little I might add! They are both weighing in at around 4.5 pounds each.

I feel so blessed by all of my family, memorial day I was reminded of how fortunate I am to have such a great, loving, Compassionate, tight-knit family! We are so blessed to have one another!

Madi is growing like a weed and she is so much fun, a handful too :) She is running all over the place, she is fearless, that little girl! Her favorite thing to do right now is to explore, especially the places that she knows I don't want her to explore, like the toilet for instance! She is a little chatter box, and she is quite opinionated, and vocal about her feelings. High energy, and hungry all the time . We had no problems taking the bottle away, we actually just gave her the option one morning of the bottle or the sippy cup, and she chose the latter, which is nice. It probably came easy because I never gave her a bottle in the crib, although I must admitr, I am sad seeing them go, because it means my baby is growing up!

It was rough last week

but I am choosing to move forward with a smile on my face! and with contentment in my heart knowing that God is in this... I have been praying often over these past few days, and God has given me peace.

It seems as though our family has been facing a lot of trials recently but I can see how we are all growing through it all.

Now that my time will be more limited with Madi I am consciously taking in all of our precious time together. Watching her grow has been amazing, and the age that she is at right now is so much fun!

We had a great weekend! Seeing her grin, giggle and tottle around was so much fun. We had a lot of laughs and good times. Going to Chuckee Cheese for Coles 9th birthday, it was madis first time there. Shopping at Mall Of America with Mom and Albert was great to, getting Albert ready for prom :)

I am really appreciated all of these great little moments!

"Life is not the amount of breaths you take, it's the moments that take your breath away."

Custody time

Here is an example of the standard custody schedule. When you click on the calendar scroll to May and that will show you Dans time:
Calendar
he has every other weekend from Thursday (after Daycare) to Monday Morning (he will drop her off at daycare)
then he also gets one weekday overnight (alternating between Mondays and Wednesdays)
... It is going to be crazy and somewhat unprdictable, but that is life! Right!?

Lean on me... When you are not strong

When I am weak he is strong. His strength now has the opportunity to shine through in this circumstance. My eyes are sore and my heart is heavy, but I am still turning to my God who I know will prevail in it all!


Why is it so much easier to blog when times are tough?? I have so many thoughts, and so many emotions. I feel like I have no control, so I am praying that God will take control of this situation... Lord I am putting it in your hands, and I am leaning on you, for my strength!

Things didn't go as well as I had hoped, Dan got a lot more of the schedule than I think any of us bargained for, so I will be going long durations without my beautiful baby girl, and my heart is already breaking. I feel as though my baby is being taken away, and I don't know why! I haven't done anything wrong!!

Yesterday was rough, tears streamed down my face throughout the 3 hour custody settlement, and my heart was devastated, I felt helpless and hopeless, and inside I was crying out to God in desperation.


This will be a very rough transition but I know that God will be by my side, and I have so many great Friends to lean on.

I am tired, and fatigued, I am lacking energy and part of me wants to give up. But on the other hand I am determined, determined to fight for my little girl ♥

Spectacular, yet again...

Celebrating Easter and her first Year CTRYAN took some fabulous pictures of Madi!

To enlarge click on the image.

Happy Birthday Madi ♥

A year ago today I gave birth to my fabulous daughter! Wishing her a happy first bithday with many more love filled years ahead! I love you baby girl ♥

Click on the image to enlarge

she is Cute and sweet and so much fun, my baby girl is turning ONE!

5480 blackberry Trail Apt #238 Inver Grove Heights, MN 55076

Come and celebrate with us!

50 Pictures for 50 weeks

I am doing this #1 becuase I am a picture fanatic and thought that it would be fun and #2 I have been Reminiscing over the last 50 weeks of Madilynns life, plus the 39 that she was growing in my womb... I love her more and more everyday that passes by! And she becomes more and more beautiful everyday.