Proverbs 3:5-6

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart;

do not depend on your own understanding.

6 Seek his will in all you do,

and he will show you which path to take.

Small things do make a difference

We are all entitled to live our own lives, and how we live it is up to us as individuals making choices for ourselves. We have been given a free will to make our own decisions for the direction of our life. So many have a hard time taking responsibility for themselves, and some people want to take responsibility for others... Our culture gives us these unhealthy views of boundaries telling us all lies about where our responsibilities lie. According to the Law of Boundaries we are only responsible for ourselves (and to others). We are responsible for our actions, our thoughts, our own choices, and attitudes and no one Else's. Every choice you make has a consequence, whether it is a good one or bad one, it is yours to make.

Knowing this it blows my mind that people ask, "If there is a God why is there evil and why do bad things happen, why is our world filled with hurt?" and here is my simple answer - you can take it or leave it: "Because we, as a human race, have made bad choices. Our 'free-will' has corrupted the world. And people have chosen evil over good. Gods will is perfect and whole, and if he forced it on us then things would be 'Perfect', and there really would be world peace, this world would no longer know hurt like we know it now! But if we were to give up our free will to God then we would be like robots. I don't know about you, but personally I would rather be an individual who has a soul, and can make choices for myself, and be challenged as I face my life and the hardships that I face, and grow when I make mistakes. The choices that people have made and continue to make affect our world. God has been so gracious to give us the freedom and blessing of having a free will, so here it is, said by me, "God is not responsible for all of the hurt, all of the poverty, all of the bad that has happened here on earth. We, the people of this world - The Human Race, are the ones responsible for the messes that we have created as individuals. Don't blame God for the bad choices that people have made or even the choices that you yourself have made, because he isn't responsible for those choices."

So, I challenge you to think about this: How can you make good decisions for the world, how can you make a difference and help, what can you do to help end poverty, what can you do to help end hurt?

Mother Teresa said: "We can do no great things, only small things with great love." So I challenge you to do just that. The world is not on your shoulders, but you do have a life to live and small choices to make that can make an impact on this world. Reflecting back on Mother Teresa's life we can see that she made an amazing difference in so many lives - even in the world - she didn't change the world, but she did make a difference. Mother Teresa actively gave of herself, day in and day out, she was hands on with people that needed her, and needed help. She is an example of Gods will for this world - and she was fully human, and imperfect, not a saint - she made some really great choices for her life, and lived out Gods will for her - imagine what our lives would be like if we did the same! How can you be an example of God to this world in need, this world hurting??

My church has started this group called 'The Theology Pub'. We are instructed to read a book, one that is assigned to us. For next month we need to read a book titled The Irresistible Revolution: Living as an Ordinary Radical. As I packed up my apartment I began listening to this book on audio, and found myself pondering about all that God wants to do with my life, and about what I can do to make a difference, to help start a revolution in this hurting world. I haven't finished the book, but so far - 6 chapters in - it is amazing. I am challenged and now I have a new perspective on how I should live this life. Ask yourself this, Who are you living for? For Yourself... For others... For God... who?

We all talk about how we wish for world peace, and how This should really be like That. So lets do it, start making small decisions to start a revolution for change, because if we all stepped in to make a difference a huge difference would be made. I am challenged to start walking my talk, and living this life making small choices with great love to make positive changes
"Most good things have been said far too many times and just need to be lived." — Shane Claiborne {Author of the book The Irresistible Revolution}.

I am praying extra hard

Because a girlfreind of mine is falling into the same patterns as I did once upon a time... I have seen how amazing she is, I have seen her heart following and pursuing God, and I have seen God work through her in amazing ways, he has given her great talent. Now she is giving her heart to a man who does not desire Christ. She is compromising who she is and what she stands for, to please her flesh. I am watching her make these choices and I am challenged. I have given 7 years of my life to a man; instead of serving God, I served my husband. Now I am a single Mom, drowning in debt, starting all over from step one, and reaping the consequences of my past choices. I am learning from the wrong decisions that I made, and I don't want her to end up down the same path as me, because it hurts, and it is hard. I have deffinetly chosen to take the rugged detour instead of the paved path that God has laid for me.

Romans 12:1-2 NLT
And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

Gods will is perfect, not our own. Our own will for our lives will bring Pain, lack of satisfaction and unfulfillment. I have chosen to give my body and whole life to God and I am more happy now than I have ever been in my life. I am discovering his will for me, and so far I am beyond pleased. I finally feel comfortable in my own skin; Instead of living in shame, I live in peace. Now I know that I have finally found fulfillment, in God.

I so desire my freind to turn away from her worldly desires and to give her life back to God. I will continue to pray and if you would say a prayer for her while you are reading this blog post I whole heartedly beleive that it will make a difference.

So ask yourself this question:
Are you living your life for God's purpose?
If not, what can you do to make healthy decisions for your life?

We are ALL Equal, just a glimpse of Racism

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

I am Caucasian, probably as white skinned as they get... So, needless to say it isn't very often that I come into contact with an act of racism, my experiences have been far and few between.

Recently I have grown close to a group of girlfriends from church, they are all amazing!! Among those girls, we have so many different personalities, and it is always a blast when we get together. The picture above is our first ever, ladies night. I am the only one missing from the photo: clockwise starting on the top right- April, Jessica, Tamrah, Amanda, Monique, and Emarie. I love all of these girls!

I want to talk a little bit about Monique, she is amazing. She has a fabulous personality, it seems like everyone is drawn to her. She is kind, Lively, creative, friendly, and always wears a genuine smile on her face. She is a scientist at the University of Minnesota. She is a mother to 3 beautiful children, and a wife to a great man. I think that the first time we hung out she told me she loved me, and I really felt as though she did! She is new to Minnesota, and hates the cold, she is ready to move already :) But all of us girls do not want her to, we all love her so much.

Just recently Monique and I went shopping together. We experienced two acts of racism during the one hour shopping endeavor; one from two Caucasian females, and another from an African American woman. I was SHOCKED!! I won't get into detail... but, wow! seriously?! The color is only skin deep people! So what, she has dark skin and mine is light...

Last night, I witnessed something that crushed my heart. Someone from our church said something very offensive about 'Black culture' in front of Monique, but regardless it was inappropriate. I got so defensive for her (although I felt that it wasn't my place to say anything, or to put her on the spot, so I kept my mouth shut). I was utterly disgusted and amazed at how ignorant we can be as people!

My eyes were opened last night. How hard would it be to be African American? Monique, Tamrah, Albert and I talked last night about Moniques life, and how racism is such a part of her everyday life. Hearing her stories I realized how judged she is by so many people. I always hear about racism and how bad it is, I have always recognized that it was an issue, But until recently I have never known or could've even fathomed how severe it really is!

I just want to apologize to those of you who are continually affected or have been affected by racism or prejudice. It saddens my heart to know that Monique, and the wonderful person that she is, is judged by so many...

Acts 10:34-35 Then Peter began to speak: "I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism, but accepts those from every nation who fear him and do what is right." We are all Gods children, regardless of our heritage, age, sex, and so forth. Why don't we give everyone a chance? Why do we judge?

Are we not all children of the same Father? Are we not all created by the same God? Then why do we betray each other...? Malachi 2:10

As I opened this blog with a quote from Martin Luther King, Jr., I am going to close it with another wonderful quote that I aspire to live by.
'I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.'
Martin Luther King, Jr.

A little Convicted

Ecclesiastes 6:9 Says: "Enjoy what you have rather than desiring what you don’t have. Just dreaming about nice things is meaningless—like chasing the wind."
Wow! Now that is loaded with truth, isn't it?
If only I read my bible a little more... Maybe I could grow a little more, a little faster.

Today is a New Day

Isaiah 58:11
The Lord will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength. You will be like a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring.

I am so reassured! It feels great to know that he is my restorer, there is relief in knowing that I don't have to depend on this world, or even on myself for that matter.
Erin Benedict sent me this word of encouragement, and I greatly appreciate it!

I have a sense of peace through this tumultuous time, because I know that God is in control.
When I woke up this morning I put on my armor of God (Eph 6:10-18), I am trying to live a little more aware of everything around me.

Today is a good day already, I feel very hopeful for my future!

Does life ever give you a break?

Okay, so I could seriously use a vacation! It has been one crazy year for sure.

After being pregnant, gaining 62 pounds, having a baby, being diagnosed with oral cancer, losing the 62 pounds (yay!) and other issues that I won't go into... It has been a crazy year!

Madi is getting so big, and she is getting funner and funner everyday! She will be 6 months on October 10th. She is quite active as well as interactive. She loves to talk, and I think that she is going to be a singer some day (she loves to squeal and scream for the fun of it). She is sitting up now. I have a feeling that she will walk before she crawls. She is not a belly fan, she would much rather be up on her feet staring the world down. She is going to be a strong willed child, she already is. I know that I have a long road ahead of me, I am sure that Madi will be challenging me every step of the way! I will love her for it though. I know that that will require continued growth. I suppose that God didn't write the Bible for nothing. It seems as though I am always growing in some way, shape, or form. She is eating some solids now, milk just wasn't cutting it any more, which probably expalins the many sleepless nights we have had over the last few months... She is sleeping much better now that I am feeding her cereal at night. She weighs an amazing 18 lbs 4oz!! I know she is quite the healthy baby, right?! But I love every ounce of her. You wouldn't think that she would weigh that much when you see how active she is, but it is better to have a chubby baby than a skinny baby for sure.

The health issues are seeming to get better. Thanks to all of the prayer, support, love, good doctors, and of course God working. I will continue to see the ENT every three months for oncology appointments. I am a little concerned... as the hole in my mouth is healing up I am noticing that there may be another growth. Hopefully it is just extra tisse that we won't have to worry about. I am just a little nervous. I hope to never again go through the invasive surgery that left a hole in my pallet! I know for sure that there is extra tissue growth on my pallet that will need to be codarized (sp) per my conversation with the ENT about a month ago. It will be 3 months post surgery on Oct. 1st, which means I can finally get my permanent mouth peice. I am no longer going to Mayo as I have transferred all of my postoperative care to the Twin Cities. I will be going to the ENT today at 2:30pm I will be sure to keep everyone updated if there is any new news. (this pictures is two weeks post surgery, it looks a ton better now, I will get a current picture and post it soon so everyone can see. keep in mind I was very sick when it was taken, LOL, it isn't that great of a picute of me :)


As for home life, it is a little, well... Unstable for now. But it is as stable as can be. I am living with my girlfreind Alyshia, we are good freinds from High school. She and Nick, as well as their baby Sophia, have welcomed Madi and Me into their home with open arms. I don't think she knows truly how thankful I am for all of her support.

Things on the homefront with Dan were just getting to be too much for me. It was totally my choice to leave, I just was not happy with where things in our marriage were. I know that if I was to stay (which would be a lot easier to do) nothing would ever change. Dan and I are just on two totally different pages. We are very different people with very different aspriations in life. I am just taking it one day at a time, praying about it, and I am at peace knowing that God will work it all out in the end. If I was to have stayed I just feel as though I would be enabling things to stay the same, and there would have been no healthy change in either of our lives if that was the case. The last thing that I wanted was for Madi to have to be affected negatively by my lack of choosing to move forward in life. I want her to see what a healthy marriage looks like, not a disfunctional one. I take full responsibility for it not going the way God had planned. People make bad choices and they don't define who we are, we choose to learn and grow from them, and that is where I am at right now. I am facing the consequences of some choices that I have made in the past which may have not been the best choices to make. So there it is, I am deffinetly feeling a tad bit overwhelmed but also relieved at the same time, sort of an oximoron (sp) isn't it?


After going through all that I have this year I really feel as though I have learned a lot. There are two things that go hand in hand that really stick out to me though, 'we need to live life to the fullest' and 'life really is fragile', I know that maybe it sounds a little cliche but it is so true. If everyone were to live their lives with those things in mind this world truly would be a better place.

So as I have always looked to the truth, it says in James 1:2-4 "Dear brothers and sisters, whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything." It is funny because I have always considered this to be my "life verse" (it was my senior quote in the yearbook) but it rings true more now than ever in my life. So, thank you God for all of these tough times, I know in my heart that you are just forming my life to reflect a stronger person who totally needs to depend on you. It is quite humbling really, when you think about it. We really aren't in control, are we??