Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Some days are hard and some are a breeze

Now that I am on fluoxetene the majority of my days seem to be like a breeze blowing by... Although days like yesterday, where there is conflict, all I want to do is rip all of my hair out! LOL, not seriously, but I guess maybe metaphorically.

Relationships sometimes seem impossible! I find myself dreading any form of confrontation. And it seems that all day yesterday what happened in a couple of my relationships, was confrontation. Naturally I want to respond with defending myself, and/or giving an explanation for the situation at hand. But then I am reminded (after the fact, of course) that only someone who is guilty needs defense! So why, when people are not guilty, do they feel the need to defend themselves?? I think that it is because we are trying to please them, which is taking responsibility for them. I have discovered over the past few months that I all too often am taking responsibility for everyone else but me! Horrible, I know. I blame everyone else for my feelings of inadequacy, or even for some behaviors that are not all that great, when in reality I need to be responsible for them myself.

Do you ever find yourself wanting to change someones mood, attitude, opinion of you... and so on? Well, I do. But, I know that it is not healthy. When we are doing that we are trying to take responsibility for that person. I am learning that we are not responsible for anyone but ourselves. We need to be responsible to everyone (like telling them the truth in love) but we are never responsible for anyone! I know that it may sound complicated, but it really made a lot of sense once I grasped it, and it is life changing and freeing!

"Learning how to set boundaries is a vital part of learning to own yourself, of learning to respect yourself, of learning to love yourself. If you never have to set a boundary, then you will never get in touch with who you really are - will never learn to define yourself in a healthy way.
No one deserves to be treated abusively. No one deserves to be lied to and betrayed.
We all deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. If you do not respect yourself, if you do not start awakening to your right to be treated with respect and dignity (and your responsibility in creating that in your life) - then you will be more comfortable being involved with people who abuse you then with people who treat you in loving ways.
Learning to set boundaries is vital to learning to love yourself, and to communicating to other's that you have worth."

I am convicted, because all too often I try to do what people want me to do. I try to please them by acting a certain way or saying a certain thing aka 'People Pleaser'! Doesn't that seem hard! Well, it is. Sometimes I don't know who I am... I think that that goes hand in hand with trying to do everything that everyone wants me to do. Being wishy-washy is never a good thing, it isn't fair to yourselves or those around you. Like I said previously, you can NEVER have a healthy relationship with someone who cannot define themselves as being their own person. It sort of reminds me of some people who don't have physical boundaries who are in your face and stepping all over your toes, which is not a very pretty picture.

So, maybe I am a little over analytical when all is said and done. Sometimes I just feel like life takes a little more effort than what we as people put forth. Typically we just do what we were taught, the same things that our parents did. In my case that is not the life that I want, my Mom doesn't want that life for me either. She lived her life never standing up for herself or respecting her wishes and desires. Now she does, she is sooo much healthier now. And now that she is older and has dealt with many issues from her past. She now truly knows who she is, and what she wants in life and she is happy and has healthy relationships!

I have said it before and I will say it again, I need to live more consciously! I also need to remember that life is not a piece of cake. All of my hardships are not over, I will continue to face challenging things in life. But I need to do it with joy (easier said than done, trust me, I know).

"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 NLT

"...And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another even as God in Christ forgave you." - Ephesians 4:32


Rebekah said...

I'm trying to figure out health and wholeness too, my friend. As difficult as it is to face, you might have to pull away from some relationships to be healthy.

Is your entire life worth giving pieces of your precious heart to those who don't cherish you? You're worth far more than that—and so is your daughter. She learns what you live.

"Tell me who your friends are, and I'll tell you who you are!"

Rebecca said...

Rebekah! You are so right! Your quote at the bottom of your message hit me like a rock of truth! Maybe I do need to choose my friends wiser. Wow... what an eye opener. I mean I always knew that truth but maybe I didn't KNOW it, you know what I mean?! That does totally go hand in hand with boundaries! I know that I am getting much better, but it feels like I am years and years away from where I ultimately want to be to be spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically healthy!
Thank you for all your words of affirmation and encouragement, it means a lot!

LovelyLee said...

You're blog has become so inspiring to me. You said something in this blog that was the most profound thing that I have heard in a REALLY long time.

Also, yes you probably so over analyze things at times as most Aquarius do... But that is what makes you so intelligent and appealing to people such as myself.

Thank you, for being you and throwing the powerful Word of God out there to pierce the heart of those who need to hear it. You're awesome.