Saturday, January 22, 2011

Keep it simple

I struggle here because life is simply just not that simple. Complication, conflict, disappointment, change... these are just a few things that we all encounter on a regular basis. My personality haults with an upheaval of stress and anxiety naturally. Small things would used to catapult me into a cycle of self destruction and depression. After becoming a Mom two and a half years ago, I began learning the truth and reality of the term "Keep it simple." I always knew the phrase -- but didn't actually know it. It is more complex than I actaully knew...

Expectations are the biggest of things to let us down, so why don't we just let them go? No expectations = no disappointment. Makes sense right? seriously speaking though, it is guaranteed that if we have expectations we will eventually be let down, or even build resentment for some expectation that was not fulfilled. Same concept as getting your hopes up. How would you feel if someone placed expectations on you? It doesn't feel good... don't do it to others! (Ha, this one is easier said than done for me, and requires constant reflection)

Let go of the things that are out of your control. Why stress over or try to change something that you can't do anything about? This just complicates life even more! I need to often remind myself that I can't change someones: opinion, attitude, behavior, choice, or action(s). I can only control myself, and if I am trying to control someone else it usually falls into some sort of manipulation or abuse. Take responsibility only for yourself and no one else.

Let it go. Let go of your anger, resentment and hatred. It does us no good. Forgiveness gives us freedom to move forward. AND if need be address an issue instead of dwelling on it.

Don't sweat the small stuff. So what if Madi accidentally spilled her milk - it is almost inevitable and I know it, yet I sometimes choose to get upset about little things like this at times. Really, it isn't worth it. When I have negative feelings I often find myself trying to find a reason for why... more often than not it is over something so minuscule so I have to consciously choose to let it go.

These are all reminders for myself. I get so worked up, stressed out, and anxious all because I am keeping it complicated! Being aware of these things really help my stress level, and keep peace in my life. I just wanted to share, because I know at times will all suffer from the complications of life.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Silence is NOT the answer

I have been painfully silent over last year... it is a new year though, and I am taking on the whole "new begginings"

I have been waiting for an amazingly epic moment to occur for reason to return to writing. Well, I can't tell you that anything epic has happened, but what I can do is start simple. Sometimes simplicity is the best way to go, we do as a matter of fact have to begin a race with just one step.

Here is my step. And hopefully the momentum will build now and I will be back to writing every once in a while.

To start I will just put a few random things out there about where I am as of late...

-I am job hunting, and learning so much in the process. I have the best resume I have had in my life to date, I think I have got the whole process of hunting, and applying down... next comes the perfection of the interview - one down, who knows how many more to go.

-AND just to pretend as most of you do not know (which probably isn't the case because I am a loud mouth and make myself heard) I am a baccalaureate - yes, that means I FINALLY have a Bachelor's degree, in Social Science, to be precise. I graduated in Dec of 2010. I am proud of myself.

-Speaking of school--I must add to this blog--I was extremely challenged last year. This is one of the largest reasons as to my break from blogging. My mind could not handle much more than life was spewing my way as a Mom, student, and girlfriend who has lots of friends and family in my life!! Yeah, it was craziness...

-And just to put the cherry on top of the School sundae (so to speak), school pushed and challenged my mind in ways I never knew were possible - my beliefs, morals, standards all took a bit of a shift. I was pressed hard, my mind was challenged and at times I felt defeated, even hopeless.

-When fall introduced itself last year I was relieved to put the "tough" school behind me - I had written a 20 page dissertation on Global Poverty, in addition to another 56 pages on other intense "analytical" papers. And I began my Guitar class. It was amazing and priceless...

-I know how to read and play the three basic octaves of A-G and read rythmic patterns. in addition to so much more. Fall semester offered me a great change of pace. To be able to learn music while sitting and reflecting on all of the belief shifts and such that school had introduced. I am feeling better and more at ease with this all now, I know that discovering who I am, and what I am are all a process... the process of life!

-So here I am, Happy and content. I have an amazingly kind, supportive, loving, giving boyfriend who lifts me up everyday. I for the first time in a relationship feel at ease to be me, and feel significant as a person regardless of my flaws. I am a lucky girl!

-AND the best thing in life, the thing that has brought me the most joy, most growth, and the most smiles on my face - is Madilynn. She is a hoot! It has been a challenging year as a mother as well - but a great one at that! Madi went from babyhood to childhood last year: giving up the Pacifier, going from a crib to a toddler-bed, potty training, talking, counting, danacing, hobbying, you name it... she is a little person now, and I love it. We once in a while deal with the power-struggle, but we are both learning and everyday it seems like things are getting better - atleast she doesn't have daily timeout visits anymore! I love her, she is growing into a beautiful girl with personality!

-If I could change one thing about last year it would be the fact that I didn't freely write or journal. I love keeping my thoughts tangible by writing them to reflect at later times... maybe this year will be the year to start recording my thoughts, we'll see.

So, that is where I am at. I'll leave it at that. Taking one moment at a time I am moving forward in this ever increasingly fast paced life - hopefully not in silence.