Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Here is a great clip from a couple of weeks ago, it is an example of what is broadcasted every day on KTIS:
'Broken relationships cause an amazing amount of pain in our lives. But when we’re completely honest about those broken relationships – even if the majority of the blame rests on someone else – we’re still responsible for the things we’ve done wrong. Guilt is a heavy burden to carry and the only hope for healing lies in forgiveness. We can’t control the behavior of others, but we can forgive them. God promises to forgive any sin that we genuinely confess to him, and it’s God’s forgiveness of us that enables us to forgive others. When we forgive, we relinquish any right to get even and reduce the power that the other person’s behavior has over us. Even if the other person refuses to forgive us, God’s forgiveness gives us hope, help and the power to forgive others.'
Doing this on a daily basis keeps me accountable for my actions, thoughts, and behaviors. If you want to grow emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, I would encourage you to spend some time (even if it is a minute) everyday reading or listening to the 'Truth'!
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
God is the beholder of my life, and he created me, in his image. So, I know that I am beautiful. I just have to keep reminding myself is all...
I am really loving life right now! I feel like I am growing spiritually, emotionally and mentally; and I love it!
Monday, November 24, 2008
Friday night Ember and Rachel Robertson had a sleepover at my place. It was a ton of fun. We had Pizza, hot chocolate (with marshmallows of course) and watched movies. I felt young again!
Satuday after the second day of the giveaway, Mom and I went to Sams club to get breakfast for sunday morning at church. After that April came over, I did her hair for the play, then we went and watched it. They all did a fabulous job acting. Then Albert, Mom, April, Madi, and I went to Applebees for a late night dinner, and I gave Albert his birthday presents. I have an amazing family! Can you beleive that Albert is 17 years old?! I can't, I still feel like I am 17... but it was almost 7 years ago now. Albert was extremely thankful for all of his gifts...
Sunday, I went to church. It was a great sermon about Parents, and how we are called to honor and respect our them. It really touched both Mom and I. Sunday was a mellow day, Madi is sick so she slept most of the day, her room still smells like Vicks. Mom went and got a Vicks Vapor humidifier, poor baby she sounded so sick. She is coughing, sneezing, and her nose is runny. I feel bad, I am sure that I gave her the virus because I have been sick for over 2 weeks now, and I am finally starting to feel better! Hopefully the rest will have helped her.
Albert and I went to sushi last night, it was a great time, just the two of us. The food was delicious at Sakura, and it was great to visit with Albert, it was just the two of us. He is such a great kid, he is very intelligent, and he has great aspirations in life. He loves God and he loves people. He wants to be a pastor. I hope that one day I have a son like him!
I need prayer. My mouth has healed VERY well, the hole in the pallet of my mouth is so small barely anything (pretty much only fluid) is entering my nasal canal, which is great, a lot better than I ever expected it to be! But now that it is closing, bone spurs are making there way through the roof of my mouth. It is so painful and uncomfortable! Pieces of bone that don't belong up there are being pushed out, it is very tender. It reminds me of when you have a splinter in your finger, except the pieces of bone are larger.
Friday, November 21, 2008
A girlfriend came over to my place last night and we discussed the issue of equality. It was great because she gave me her perspective on equality, which differs from mine, so I was challenged to think about my beliefs. So, here I am, writing it down. As I am growing as a person I am really learning more about who I am and what I believe. I think that, speaking as a person who chooses to 'people please' a lot of the time, that when we fall into unhealthy patterns of trying to please people, we lose ourselves and don't know who we are because we are living trying to please everyone else.
So back to the subject matter, sorry I tend to go off on tangents, I believe that we are all equal as humans in Gods eyes. God loves us as his children and defines us as being created in his image. It says in Genesis 9:6b, NLT, For God made human beings in his own image.
Consider this, If you had two children;
- Child A was a child who made great decisions with his/her life, going to school - getting straight A's, graduating from College at the ideal age, getting married to a wonderful healthy person, becoming very successful in life, and so forth.
- Child B, was a 'Wild Child' who chose to start doing illegal drugs as a teenager, became very promiscuous, who ended up in jail for bad choices they he/she made, and not going to college, who ended up facing many bad consequences in adulthood due to the lack of healthy decisions they he/she made in life.
Would you Love Child A better than Child B?? I wouldn't, but even if you did say yes, God does not feel that way about his children. He loves us all the same, with an unconditional Love! I understand his love more now than I have ever before, because he has given me a miracle, a love for a child that grew inside of me. Regardless of whether Madi chooses to make healthy or unhealthy decisions in her life, my love for her will always be the same! I will continue to be a steward of her, as God has called me to be.
Sometimes I think that it is hard for us as humans to comprehend how God views us, and it is hard to see our worth through his eyes. I personally believe that regardless of who we are or the choices that we make God will love us all the same. Whether we Murder someone or just steal a piece of candy from the store, a sin is a sin. God does not define us by the choices we make, he looks at our heart.
Pete, my pastor, gave me a great description of sin, it is like in archery when you have the board and you are aiming to hit the bulls eye and you miss, which is most of the time... That is like sin. The bulls eye would be the picture of the ideal non-sin, but everywhere else on the board is Sin. That, I think, is a great description of sin! We are not perfect, we are humans, who fall short of perfection and God loves us anyway! Even an archer does not always hit the bulls eye. I am so reassured, because I know that I will never be perfect, although I will always try to hit the bulls eye, I know that I Will fall short.
In Matthew when Jesus criticizes the religious leaders he says this: (Matt 23:8, NLT)“Don’t let anyone call you ‘Rabbi,’ for you have only one teacher, and all of you are equal as brothers and sisters." Not one of us is better than another. In our culture, or even in this world, it is hard to understand this because our society does not believe it to be truth! But I believe that it is. We are all equal, at least in Gods eyes, and to me his view is the only one that matters!
ps Speaking of tangents, I am sooo happy that gas continues to decline in price. Today at Holiday it was $1.73 per gallon! Yay!
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Today it is really hitting me, I feel down again, not like I want to hurt myself or anything severe like that. I don't know, I guess that it seems too complicated to explain how I feel. I do know that I felt A LOT better while taking it!
I am just curious to know though, are antidepressants a cop out? Are the issues being dealt with by the medication or is the fluoxetine like a band aid, only covering up the wounds?? If that is the case, I would much rather deal with the issues rather than cover them with medication...
Although it is tough living in this state of mind. I am by no means severely depressed or anything. I don't know there is just a negative-ness that lingers over my mind and thoughts.
I am tired, and I am not happy with where things are in my life. I know that God calls us to be content where we are, but I don't feel content! I am not happy with so many aspects of my life right now, sometimes I dread waking up! What should I do? I feel like sometimes I know the answers to my own questions, and I feel good about where things are... then there are times where I feel a little overwhelmed. I am just not sure what to do with these feelings, or where to go from here. Too bad I didn't have boundaries every night! Bev, our boundaries leader, always seems to have great insight into things.
I need to remember this-
1 Timothy 6:
6 Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth. 7 After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. 8 So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content.
I again am convicted, I have enough food and clothing... why do I long for more! I feel my selfish human nature consuming me!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
'Anger has a unique way of controlling our lives-even when we say we don't get angry. When uncontrolled anger erupts, it will be expressed either in an aggressive, hostile or toxic way or it will be expressed in a destructive passive way. We will express that anger outward toward other people or inward at ourselves. Expressed anger ranges from physical and verbal explosions to the more passive hurtful way like religion and sexual addictions, affairs in and out of the family, compulsivity, codependency and depression. If anger controls us, we will tend to be extreme when it erupts.
We have a right to disagree and be angry with someone we love. What we don't have a right to do is to be abusive or neglectful (passive-aggressive) when we express that anger. If we use silence and do not talk, we are abusive. If we explode, swear and rage, we are abusive. Neither extreme is healthy. Both are power. Both are a misuse of our power. Silence isn't golden; it's power. If you use silence you know how powerful it is. Proverbs 15:1 says: "A gentle answer [not silence] turns away wrath." For the rageaholic, Proverbs 15:1 says: "...but a harsh word stirs up anger." And Proverbs 19:19 says: "A hot-tempered man must pay the penalty; if you rescue him, you will have to do it again." (NIV)
The lack of (or the crossing of our) boundaries is one of the significant reasons for anger to erupt. Boundary violations cause us to feel fear, hurt, shame and anger to only name a few negative emotions. I had a client who experienced it vividly. The husband was very excited about retiring. The day after his retirement he quickly pursued his interest in "helping his wife." So after breakfast he stayed in the kitchen and started to "organize" all the pots, pans, pantry, shelves, everything. When he completed the task he was all smiles and expected his wife to also be happy. However, she wasn't. He had crossed her boundary. His nephew came over after school that day, as they had planned, excited about going fishing with him. Immediately after being invited indoors his nephew was shown his "handiwork". He commented about his frustration and hurt that the nephew's aunt "was not pleased." The nephew quickly understood the problem and said, "Oh! I've forgot that I had a lot of homework and papers to do this week. I won't be able to go fishing for a few days." And he quickly left. For two more days the spouse didn't cook anything for her husband. Finally at 5 p.m. on the third day, he stepped into the kitchen and began "rearranging the kitchen to the best that he could remember" it being three days earlier. When he was about half through, his wife stepped into the kitchen and began making them supper.
Boundaries are sometimes clearly spoken and negotiated. However, we frequently cross boundaries because we "really didn't know" that a boundary existed, or we do something because we're "just trying to help", or we think that we can do it better and intentionally try to improve and "help". When someone has a boundary, either spoken or unspoken, we need to respect it. Furthermore, when someone says "No!" we have the responsibility and privilege to respect it.
"No!" is a complete sentence. (1) And "No" is an honest and desirous attempt to set a boundary, make a decision or a choice, or an attempt to be assertive. Sometimes a "No!" is quietly said or expressed; other times it might be firm. But even Christians need to understand that "No!" is a complete sentence. When we do, I believe that we will experience a less hostile and angry environment in our homes, businesses and churches.'
Bob Davidson, Director of Family Institute.
We all have our views about anger, typically people perceive it as being harsh, harmful and destructive, but it isn't necessarily that way (it can be but that is our choice), it is all about how we choose to express our anger. Anger is not a 'Bad' emotion, it is healthy and it helps us to work through issues that we have. When people stuff anger, like ME!, it tends to do a negative effect, it eventually comes out as explosive, which I am guilty of. I think that I have been trained to believe that anger is a bad thing, so I stuff it, and when it comes out it isn't pretty. So, I am learning to work through it as it comes that way it won't be destructive when it comes, instead it can be constructive!
What would I do without Boundaries? Where would I be? I am so thankful that God has put Bev in my life to speak the truth to me, and also be so loving and accepting of me through all of my bad choices!
Yes, maybe everyone is sick of this whole boundaries talk, but I LOVE it!
Monday, November 17, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
I am not going to go into details about her situtaion at hand but I will give an example. Say you ask your sister to do you a favor, it will only take her a half an hour. She says 'No' for no particular reason and no excuse. And you think 'What!? Why... what is 30 minutes out of your day!?'. Her plain reason is 'I just don't want too'. Do you think that is rude? Personally, I think that most people would view their sister in this case and being mean, or atleast I know that typically that would be my initial reaction...
But, if you think about it this way : Is your 30 mintues more important than her 30 minutes? Is the favor that you are asking of her your responsibility or is it hers? All too often I think that we as people view our wants and needs as more important than everyone elses. Just like people on the road who have Road Rage. Why do we choose to get mad and want people out of our way on the road? Why do we cut them off with the excuse that we need to be somewhere and are running late, we blame them for being in our way? It is sad. Really it is, it all comes down to being responsible for ourselves. It isn't anyones fault but ours that we are running late, so don't blame them! All too often I blame other people for things that I am responsible for, but along with that I am all too often taking responsibility for everyone else as well.
I need to learn how to treat others and myself better, by taking responsibility for my own issues, mistakes and problems not blaming everyone else. I need to stop being a people pleaser, and stop taking responsibility for other peoples feelings. I need to discover who I am, not what other people want me to be.
I am discovering that I love the color red. I love to be spontaneous. I love having people at my house. I love to be social and go out with friends. In my relationship with Dan I chose not to do some of the things that I loved to try and please him. But I felt suffocated. I was suffocating myself, by trying to do what I thought would please him. Isn't that sad? I think that I used to blame him, but now I know full and well that I am to blame for allowing myself to make choices to do what I thought would make him happy, which in turn helped me to resent him.
I am learning the truth, deffinetly slowly, but surely. It is a hard process because there is breaking involved, but I know that it is a good thing. God is allowing me to break only to be built up with a better foundation, a new foundation that will be set in the truth and be set in his will for my life.
Romans 12:2 NLT
Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Friday, November 7, 2008
I know that I am significant, Safe and Secure, and that I belong. Sometimes I don't believe those truths but I am learning to be nicer to myself and treat myself better. It is so hard to form healthy habits by overcoming all of my bad habits that I have accumulated over the years! But I look forward to becoming the woman that God has made me to be, and watching my daughter develop and hopefully do the same, making better decisions than I did, along the way!
Speaking of babies, Aprils twins are due June 26th and 28th, can't wait to find out what they are... 13 more weeks and she will be 20 weeks along. She is hoping for 2 girls, which would be perfect considering Madi's wardrobe.
Moving is amazing, and a TON of work, but yet fun. I love my new place. I accidently left my camara at someones house, oops, so no new pics yet. Can't wait to show you my lovely new place.
What does everyone think about our new president elect!? I am a little worried for his life, I know that there are a lot of extremists in the south. This is not only a historic year for me but also for America! I had a feeling that Barrack Husein Obama (sp?) would win.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. Prov 3:5 NLT (BTW I love the NLT, it is my Favorite version). Good to remember, and it is also very humbling!
ps We are having the FIRST SNOW OF THE YEAR TODAY in Minnesota. It is beautiful out! Gods creation is so amazing!
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Philipians 4:8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. 9 Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.
I know that some would say that when you are voting it is for 'The Better of the Two Evils' but keep this verse in mind when you are voting. I know that ultimately God is sovereign. I do believe that we have free will, but I know that no matter who makes it into office our God is still an awesome God and all things will work out!
So, go and vote!
Monday, November 3, 2008
Last Thursday I moved from Alyshia's place (because they were moving out of their apt) to Jenny's place. Jenny has been so sweet, she even gave Madi and I her bed! She has a one bedroom apartment in West Saint Paul. So, I really feel as though I have overcome her space with all of my odds and ends of things that I have. Considering nothing is really organized, it looks like I have brought a huge mess of things into her place. It is great to have such supportive Friends!
This weekend was a crazy busy one with costumes, pictures, a baby shower, a wedding shower, packing, and what seemed like so much more! I am amazed at how much I can fit into a weekend. As usual I am tired today, but it is my own fault today! No one can deny that I am a busy person who likes to be on the go (and loves to be social). I am still not feeling very well. I don't know if the flu is just lingering from last week or what but I am really fatigued and was having some stomach/gastrointestinal issues what seemed like all weekend!
We got Madi's 6 month pictures done, although she will be seven months old on the 10th. CT Ryan Studios was just really busy considering it is fall wedding season. I cannot wait to post some of them, it seemed like they are really going to be cute (I will probably get them in about a week or so). She was an adorable little lady bug for Halloween. Dan and I took her to the Harvest Party at church. It was a great time, probably more so for us than for her, LOL. Dan and I are really getting along well and we have been working as a team with Madi, it has been great. We did both her pictures and the harvest party together, as well as packing up the house together, it is definitely an answer to prayer!
As for living my life I pray that this continues to ring true 'For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.' 2 Timothy 1:7 (NLT) . Reading this I know that I am a work in progress. Fully achieving those characteristics seems like it will take an eternity. I am content knowing that God is on my side, and that my heart really desires righteousness.