Thursday, April 30, 2009

Custody time

Here is an example of the standard custody schedule. When you click on the calendar scroll to May and that will show you Dans time:
he has every other weekend from Thursday (after Daycare) to Monday Morning (he will drop her off at daycare)
then he also gets one weekday overnight (alternating between Mondays and Wednesdays)
... It is going to be crazy and somewhat unprdictable, but that is life! Right!?

Lean on me... When you are not strong

When I am weak he is strong. His strength now has the opportunity to shine through in this circumstance. My eyes are sore and my heart is heavy, but I am still turning to my God who I know will prevail in it all!

Why is it so much easier to blog when times are tough?? I have so many thoughts, and so many emotions. I feel like I have no control, so I am praying that God will take control of this situation... Lord I am putting it in your hands, and I am leaning on you, for my strength!

Things didn't go as well as I had hoped, Dan got a lot more of the schedule than I think any of us bargained for, so I will be going long durations without my beautiful baby girl, and my heart is already breaking. I feel as though my baby is being taken away, and I don't know why! I haven't done anything wrong!!

Yesterday was rough, tears streamed down my face throughout the 3 hour custody settlement, and my heart was devastated, I felt helpless and hopeless, and inside I was crying out to God in desperation.

This will be a very rough transition but I know that God will be by my side, and I have so many great Friends to lean on.

I am tired, and fatigued, I am lacking energy and part of me wants to give up. But on the other hand I am determined, determined to fight for my little girl ♥

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Your outlook determines your LIFE

'It is so often true that whether a person carries with him an atmosphere of gloom and depression or one of confidence and courage depends on his individual outlook.' James Keller

Okay so maybe I go a little overboard when it comes to boundaries. I am "Zealous" is what they would say, but I am okay with it, because I would rather be zealous than naive!

But seriously, you know when you meet those people who are constantly dwelling on the negative and have a poor outlook on life in general... Well isn't it frustrating? It is for me! I just want to say to them, "why are you choosing to feel this way!?" all too often they don't realize that they themselves are choosing the life of gloom and doom for themselves, and it is so crippling. I am all to familiar with this because I myself am guilty of doing this...

I am being reminded right now as I watch my sisters family face a tragedy. The tragedy of the loss of a Fathers/Husbands ability to walk. They are also facing the loss of a home, loss of careers, and welcoming 2 more little ones to be additions in their lives; the lives that are filled with the unknown and that of instability. BUT they have such positive attitudes, and outlooks for their lives. They are looking forward with Faith, with Patience, and most of all: with Humble hearts, all the while not knowing what lies ahead of them. I am so proud of them for choosing to live in freedom, freedom from worry, Stress, and so many more negative emotions that could be suffocating their lives. Not to say that they are not overwhelmed at times, which I am sure they are. But they are choosing to focus on what is good. They are choosing to trust that God is in control. They are growing through this tragedy; growing closer to one another, to the Church, but most of all to our God, who is our strength, because without him we are truly weak. Their lives are going to change others lives, and will truly portray what an awesome God we serve, I am excited!! So extremely excited to see what God has in store for them, because I just know that it is going to be something great!

Please continue to pray for them!!

And Just remember when you feel like you have hit rock bottom, someone Else's' rock is lower than yours, so be thankful for what you have and remember that Your Life Is What You Make Of It!! Choose to keep a positive outlook and keep looking upward for the strength that God provides!

"I try to avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep looking upward." ~Charlotte Bronte

Friday, April 24, 2009

Spectacular, yet again...

Celebrating Easter and her first Year CTRYAN took some fabulous pictures of Madi!

To enlarge click on the image.

A small Addiction

I must admit I am maybe a little addicted to speed! I am definetly a girly-girl but sometimes I wonder if there is a little bit of guy in me, with my love of fast cars, and gorgeous motorcycles :) I feel so free when I am driving and cruising down the highway with the music blaring in my ears, and the wind blowing through my hair...

So someone (I am saying no names ;) decided to grant me a mini vacation... they handed over their keys in return for mine of course, and I got to cruise around town in the beautiful Nissan 370Z sport, amazing little car I must say!

The car swept me off my feet, no pun intended. It was definetly love and first flight. I am in love with my boss' car! Yes it cheered me up, and I felt like a million dollars, it was a great little vacaion, that was much needed!!

So thanks JB, for a fabulous night with your cute car!

PS love the Monterey Blue, it is a one of a kind car, no one else in MN has the same exact car, which is pretty cool!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

being transparent can be humbling

because who wants to tell someone that they are bleeding from their rear end or that they have a mucus cyst in their mouth, and that when it pops releases icky mucus and a lot of blood... well okay, maybe I don't really have that big of an issue telling people, it is more about how they are going to receive it, or react that is the hard part!

So it is a mucus cyst and we might have to remove it, I am going to feel it out for a few months, if it is something that is untolerable (which I think is going to be the case) they will remove it. It will be painful but after it is healed it will be much better and my mouth will feel much more comfortable! So we will see...

I need to start taking my Miralax again... then my bleeding issues should be fixed. Consequences are what teach me... Hopefully the fissures will heal sooner than later :)

Monday, April 20, 2009

It is more blessed to give than to receive

Acts 20:35 (NLT), many of us are familiar with this verse but don't always truly understand it, until we experience it!

I love giving but have found it hard to give, due to some situational circumstances, so in the past fear has paralyzed me in the area of finances. But regardless of my fear and doubt, I have been giving on a regular basis these past few months, in obedience and in Faith that God would work through my gifts.

And he has... oh, he has! Not only for those receiving the gifts but in me as well...
It is amazing, to see his hand in my life. The more I give, the more he gives back to me, and yet through it all I still feel unworthy, because I am! But he loves me and gives back ten-fold the little that I have given, not only did I enjoy giving, but now I am being rewarded yet again! I have spent all day praising him.

He continually opens my eyes to miracles and situations that I could have never imagined would happen.

I am so blessed!

So if you are living in Fear, where can you step out and take a "Leap of Faith"? You just might be surprised, there is probably a surprise in store for you!

Friday, April 17, 2009

a little more about ME

1 I am a genuinely loving person, and become good friends with people easily

2 I love eating sushi in good company

3 My goal in life is to live fully for Christ

4 I am eclectic when it comes to pretty much everything

5 I am a proud Mommy

6 Church is probably my favortie place to be, of those places that I go to on a regular basis

7 I want to eventually own my own business

8 cleaning and organizing are forte's of mine

9 I am a people person, I love meeting new people daily!

10 I live knowing that the only thing I can take with me when I die are my relationships

11 I am addicted to Facebook

12 reeses easter eggs might be my new favorite candy

13 Chipmunks are now my favorite animal, I have decided they are much cuter than squirrels

14 I love sleep, especially in my comfy bed!

15 I compromised when naming my daughter, Madilynn was not my first choice, but now I couldn't imagine her with any other name

16 I consider myself as having the most best freinds I have ever known anyone to have (see #1)

17 I am a little anal about some things, my close friends and family can attest to that

18 I love watching movies but only with someone else, not by myself

19 I like to read books, but only the ones that are self help or are nonfictional

20 I love being intellectual, and also being mentally stimulated by intriguing thought

21 sometimes I just want to have fun, and not think about anything else other than the moment

22 Liver might be the only food that I detest

23 I love meeting all kinds of people with different personalities and different stories

24 singing at the top of my lungs, with windows open while driving feels exhilarating to me

25 I exude happiness pretty much all of the time, with a smile on my face

26 I wish I were more spontaneous, because it always feels good when I am

27 I always say whatever is on my mind, I am a very open person

28 my dream job is to be a stay at home mom

29 If I had a million dollars I would love to give it all away by buying needed things for people

30 I love giving gifts (see #29)

31 I really love motorcycles; it gives me a real feeling of freedom when I ride

32 if I could go back to change one thing I would have become a professional dancer

33 the sharpie ultra fine point pens are my favorite pens EVER

34 maybe I would become a photographer too (see #32) or an interior decorator...

35 I am pretty impulsive, but I think that it is a good thing :) (see #27)

36 and if you didn't notice already I am an ENFP bordering on ENFJ(according to myers-briggs) (see #28, 32, 34)

37 I am 3 classes short of having a BA in Social Science, argh

38 I inhereted my people pleasing nature from my Mom, and I am fighting it everyday

39 I don't consider myself 'Religious' but I do consider myself a follower and Lover of Jesus

40I love being Home

41 the smell of Black Raspberry Vanilla wallflowers are amazing

42 I am referred to as "smiley" from the president of the company I work for (see #25)

43 I loved Science while I was in school, although I found it interesting it was also challenging

44 even though no one may ever read this, I still enjoy doing it because it always feels good to think about who I am as a person, and to be reminded of who God has made me to be

45 My favorite colors are pink and red

46 I love big sunglasses, cute shoes, and bags of different kinds

47 I think Post it notes are brilliant, whoever invented them was genius

48 I am anxious, I am fidgety and something on me has to be moving all of the time, right now it is the notorious leg shake

49 Lillies are my favorite flowers, they are gorgeous and smell fantastic, so if you are a guy, there it is ;)

50 my reflexes are sensitive, if you hit me in the leg in just the right spot it will unvoluntarily kick

51 James 1:2-4 is my life verse

I was going to do 100, but decided not to... 51 things about me will do :)
no one would read all 100!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009


Can a Cyst be removed? Because it is growing back, or at least I think that it is the cyst that is growing back... and of course I didn't notice it until it started hurting, maybe next time I will notice it before it becomes this tender (hopefully there won't be a next time). I will be going in on April 22nd, and I am sure that he will biopsy it again. I am going to discuss with him the possibility of removing it though, I am sick of having mouth pain...
Wow, and I discovered that my Doc wrote a text book on PDT, pretty smart guy, he is really nice too :)

Happiness is a Choice

It is as easy as that, although sometimes we make it more complicated. It is as simple as choosing. I was reminded today, and it brings a smile to my face, because I know that I am free; free to choose my attitudes, my behaviors and my actions. No one has control over me, I have the power to make the choice, and today I choose Joy and happiness :)

If you want to be happy, be. ~Leo Tolstoy

Friday, April 10, 2009

Happy Birthday Madi ♥

A year ago today I gave birth to my fabulous daughter! Wishing her a happy first bithday with many more love filled years ahead! I love you baby girl ♥
Click on the image to enlarge

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Let Go and Let Love

'Even after all this time
The sun never says to the earth, "You owe me."
Look what happens with a Love like that!
—It lights the whole Sky.'

Love is amazing, it brings Joy, pleasure and delight! It is magnificent! It opens our eyes to truth and it even prolongs our lives!

Love is healing and restoring for both the giver and the receiver. Why would you choose to hate or choose to hold resentment? Unforgiveness is an acid which first destroys the vessel in which it is contained... that vessell is you! Are you holding unforgiveness in your heart? Do you have hatred toward someone? If so just think: You are destroying yourself, that acid is burning away at you, not the person you hate. Choose to forgive, and choose to love, love brings true life.
'I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.' MLKJ

We are called to love people as Christ loves us!
Loving and being loved is the greatest gift that can be given or received!
My Love for Madilynn is so great, yet she doesn't even know it, and even if she did she wouldn't be able to fathom it, yet it brings so much joy to me just to be able to love her. A mothers love is amazing. I never really understood what an unconditional love was like until I gave birth to my daughter, God revealed to me some amazing things through her life. Now I have a better understanding of Gods love for us and it blows my mind.

Monday, April 6, 2009

we have hope

During this time my heart is being torn for my sister and her family. She and her husband Sean are very happily married, they have 4 little ones (2boys, 2girls) and they have 2 on the way, another boy and girl.

Sean was the working spouse, while April was going to school full time, to pursue a nursing degree. When all of a sudden he began experiencing nuerological numbing issues in his lower body. He is now hospitalized and has since been diagnosed with MS. He cannot walk or feel anything from his waist down. He was told on Saturday that he may never regain the strength, use of, or sensation in his legs again, he may be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life.
He still seems pretty determined that he will recover... Please say a prayer for him and his family - The Ervins. Pray for a full recovery, we have faith that miracles can happen :)

Psalm 42:11
Why am I discouraged?
Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God!
I will praise him again—
my Savior and my God!

link HERE to read the updates

Friday, April 3, 2009

Christmas List

What a fabulous Idea I had today!!
Since I cannot shop, I can only DREAM.

I am going to start a WISH LIST to fulfill my shopping desires.
This isn't bad is it?!

anyway here is the first item on my wish list:
The ADOBE Creative Suite
any of the above suites will do! So if anyone is feeling generous...

Saint Paul, MN Childrens Museum - FREE

Every Third sunday of the month Target pays for your admission. No gimicks, I promise, I think it is just a promotional thing for them to do... This is a fabulous place for all of the family! It is filled with toys, activities, and playgrounds for all of the kiddos of every age.
Link HERE to check out their website

It usually costs $8.95 per person for a one day admission, BUT every 3rd sunday of the month it is free. So pack up the kiddos after church and head on down. Be sure to park in the lot kiddy corner to the museum (it is labeled as Childrens Museum Parking) and it will be $3 for parking for the duration of your stay.

So for $3 you can have a sunday filled with fun for all of your Family.
PS don't forget to pack the camara, there are a ton of fun memeories you can capture!

Thursday, April 2, 2009

she is Cute and sweet and so much fun, my baby girl is turning ONE!

5480 blackberry Trail Apt #238 Inver Grove Heights, MN 55076
Come and celebrate with us!