I struggle here because life is simply just not that simple. Complication, conflict, disappointment, change... these are just a few things that we all encounter on a regular basis. My personality haults with an upheaval of stress and anxiety naturally. Small things would used to catapult me into a cycle of self destruction and depression. After becoming a Mom two and a half years ago, I began learning the truth and reality of the term "Keep it simple." I always knew the phrase -- but didn't actually know it. It is more complex than I actaully knew...
Expectations are the biggest of things to let us down, so why don't we just let them go? No expectations = no disappointment. Makes sense right? seriously speaking though, it is guaranteed that if we have expectations we will eventually be let down, or even build resentment for some expectation that was not fulfilled. Same concept as getting your hopes up. How would you feel if someone placed expectations on you? It doesn't feel good... don't do it to others! (Ha, this one is easier said than done for me, and requires constant reflection)
Let go of the things that are out of your control. Why stress over or try to change something that you can't do anything about? This just complicates life even more! I need to often remind myself that I can't change someones: opinion, attitude, behavior, choice, or action(s). I can only control myself, and if I am trying to control someone else it usually falls into some sort of manipulation or abuse. Take responsibility only for yourself and no one else.
Let it go. Let go of your anger, resentment and hatred. It does us no good. Forgiveness gives us freedom to move forward. AND if need be address an issue instead of dwelling on it.
Don't sweat the small stuff. So what if Madi accidentally spilled her milk - it is almost inevitable and I know it, yet I sometimes choose to get upset about little things like this at times. Really, it isn't worth it. When I have negative feelings I often find myself trying to find a reason for why... more often than not it is over something so minuscule so I have to consciously choose to let it go.
These are all reminders for myself. I get so worked up, stressed out, and anxious all because I am keeping it complicated! Being aware of these things really help my stress level, and keep peace in my life. I just wanted to share, because I know at times will all suffer from the complications of life.
Showing posts with label Boundaries. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Boundaries. Show all posts
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Seven Habits of Highly Effective People
1) taking personal responsibility and initiative,
2) getting clear about what's important to you and setting goals,
3) putting those priorities first and being disciplined,
4) seeking mutual benefit in all interactions with others -- the golden rule,
5) seeking to understand others from their perspective first before making your point,
6) valuing differences and creating third-alternative solutions to problems that are better than "my way" or "your way," and
7) taking care of and renewing yourself in all four areas of life -- body, mind, heart and spirit.
-- Stephen R. Covey
Maybe if we all tried a little harder, life would be a little easier for all of us.
2) getting clear about what's important to you and setting goals,
3) putting those priorities first and being disciplined,
4) seeking mutual benefit in all interactions with others -- the golden rule,
5) seeking to understand others from their perspective first before making your point,
6) valuing differences and creating third-alternative solutions to problems that are better than "my way" or "your way," and
7) taking care of and renewing yourself in all four areas of life -- body, mind, heart and spirit.
-- Stephen R. Covey
Maybe if we all tried a little harder, life would be a little easier for all of us.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Short of Perfect
I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.
John Burroughs
...all the quality time I want to spend with Madi, all the spaces in my home that need to be cleaned, all the reading and studying I need to get done for school, and all the little constant issues and things that need to be addressed. I feel overwhelmed.
Okay, Okay... I will admit, I am guilty! I am busy and I still find it hard to prioritize, organize, and figure out how to live life functionally. I struggle with perfection, and there is no doubt about it that, sometimes I am just too hard on myself. Sometimes I feel as though I am being pushed to the limit. I am overwhelmed, and there is just a sense of discontentment in my heart.
'Am I a good Mom? Am I spending my time productively? Am I making good decisions for Mine and Madi's life?'
There always seems to be a constant, nagging, lingering question -of this type- that lurks in the back of my mind. I am always looking over my own shoulder to see if I am doing it right. I think that like anyone else, I too struggle with the reality that I am not perfect and I make mistakes, but so do we all. My Mom helped open my eyes to a little piece of necessary reality the other day, while we were spending some much needed time together.
Through tears she stated, "You're the perfect Mom! You have it all together. Your life is structured and organized." Then she proceeded to talk about how out of control her life is, and how overwhelmed she feels to face all of the things that life throws her way. She expressed how inadequate she felt, and more than anything the underlying message of everything was that she felt as though she was failing at life.
At that moment I had an extreme sense of humility wash over me, realizing that I too have those same negative feelings about my own life, as she does hers. My Mom gave me insight into the reality of what day-to-day life entails. Life is overwhelming, it is hard, and we all fall short of perfect. Regardless of who we are, or what we do, we all make mistakes. What I am learning in life at the moment is that we are all individuals and we have our strengths and along with it, we have weaknesses as well.
My weaknesses have become my enemy, and they often become the focus of my life. Often I overlook my strengths. I tend to dwell on my failures and disregard my accomplishments. I am constantly beating myself up for the wrong choices I make, and for the negative patterns of behavior that I continually fall into. I place many unattainable pressures on myself, and feel a sense of disappointment when I fail at attaining them.
Sometimes I wonder if it is a female thing. Often as women we are constantly trying to be better... look better, do better, act better. There is even a cultural strain on us, from media and society telling us that we need to fit a certain standard. This standard, as it is presented by the media, is near perfection. I am pretty sure that no one fits that media standard!! Yet, I notice and see, in my life and many others as well, that we are constantly putting pressure on ourselves to meet this ideological standard of life.
So, the answer that I gave my Mom, after I gave her a good chuckle, was this "Mom, I am far from perfect! I fail everyday. I make bad decisions, and I am in constant awareness of how imperfect I am!" She isn't alone in her feelings of shame and failure, many people -even the ones who appear perfect- have the same feelings.
The cliche statement is true, 'The grass is greener on the other side.' So, just remember when you see the woman that looks like she has everything put together, chances are she doesn't. I am learning to be kinder to myself. I am trying harder to give myself the much needed break that I deserve. I am starting to remind myself that I have accomplished so much in both the small day-to-day things, and the things that affect my life as a whole. We can all use a little more encouragement, especially from ourselves, because often we are the hardest on ourselves. Dwelling on the negative is counterproductive - and actually a time waster in my mind. Naturally when we think positively things tend to work out better. Why waste time thinking negatively and dwelling on the bad, it is a waste of time. Spending your time focusing on negative thought interferes with your ability to be productive, and is wasteful, instead that energy can be used elsewhere.
Alyshia, a girlfriend of mine, pointed out to me how much I insult, and complain about myself - mostly in the physical sense. She was right, and I was feeling the effects of it emotionally. So I decided to strive to stop being so negative and to start telling myself and others how great I really am. I am of seeing and believing the reality of all of the positive aspects of who I am. The great thing is is that I am happier. I am more comfortable in my own skin, and more content with myself, even if I make a mistake. Confidence exudes inner beauty. This is the type of beauty that I want to characterize. I need to be confident for myself, and for Madi.
John Burroughs
...all the quality time I want to spend with Madi, all the spaces in my home that need to be cleaned, all the reading and studying I need to get done for school, and all the little constant issues and things that need to be addressed. I feel overwhelmed.
Okay, Okay... I will admit, I am guilty! I am busy and I still find it hard to prioritize, organize, and figure out how to live life functionally. I struggle with perfection, and there is no doubt about it that, sometimes I am just too hard on myself. Sometimes I feel as though I am being pushed to the limit. I am overwhelmed, and there is just a sense of discontentment in my heart.
'Am I a good Mom? Am I spending my time productively? Am I making good decisions for Mine and Madi's life?'
There always seems to be a constant, nagging, lingering question -of this type- that lurks in the back of my mind. I am always looking over my own shoulder to see if I am doing it right. I think that like anyone else, I too struggle with the reality that I am not perfect and I make mistakes, but so do we all. My Mom helped open my eyes to a little piece of necessary reality the other day, while we were spending some much needed time together.
Through tears she stated, "You're the perfect Mom! You have it all together. Your life is structured and organized." Then she proceeded to talk about how out of control her life is, and how overwhelmed she feels to face all of the things that life throws her way. She expressed how inadequate she felt, and more than anything the underlying message of everything was that she felt as though she was failing at life.
At that moment I had an extreme sense of humility wash over me, realizing that I too have those same negative feelings about my own life, as she does hers. My Mom gave me insight into the reality of what day-to-day life entails. Life is overwhelming, it is hard, and we all fall short of perfect. Regardless of who we are, or what we do, we all make mistakes. What I am learning in life at the moment is that we are all individuals and we have our strengths and along with it, we have weaknesses as well.
My weaknesses have become my enemy, and they often become the focus of my life. Often I overlook my strengths. I tend to dwell on my failures and disregard my accomplishments. I am constantly beating myself up for the wrong choices I make, and for the negative patterns of behavior that I continually fall into. I place many unattainable pressures on myself, and feel a sense of disappointment when I fail at attaining them.
Sometimes I wonder if it is a female thing. Often as women we are constantly trying to be better... look better, do better, act better. There is even a cultural strain on us, from media and society telling us that we need to fit a certain standard. This standard, as it is presented by the media, is near perfection. I am pretty sure that no one fits that media standard!! Yet, I notice and see, in my life and many others as well, that we are constantly putting pressure on ourselves to meet this ideological standard of life.
So, the answer that I gave my Mom, after I gave her a good chuckle, was this "Mom, I am far from perfect! I fail everyday. I make bad decisions, and I am in constant awareness of how imperfect I am!" She isn't alone in her feelings of shame and failure, many people -even the ones who appear perfect- have the same feelings.
The cliche statement is true, 'The grass is greener on the other side.' So, just remember when you see the woman that looks like she has everything put together, chances are she doesn't. I am learning to be kinder to myself. I am trying harder to give myself the much needed break that I deserve. I am starting to remind myself that I have accomplished so much in both the small day-to-day things, and the things that affect my life as a whole. We can all use a little more encouragement, especially from ourselves, because often we are the hardest on ourselves. Dwelling on the negative is counterproductive - and actually a time waster in my mind. Naturally when we think positively things tend to work out better. Why waste time thinking negatively and dwelling on the bad, it is a waste of time. Spending your time focusing on negative thought interferes with your ability to be productive, and is wasteful, instead that energy can be used elsewhere.
Alyshia, a girlfriend of mine, pointed out to me how much I insult, and complain about myself - mostly in the physical sense. She was right, and I was feeling the effects of it emotionally. So I decided to strive to stop being so negative and to start telling myself and others how great I really am. I am of seeing and believing the reality of all of the positive aspects of who I am. The great thing is is that I am happier. I am more comfortable in my own skin, and more content with myself, even if I make a mistake. Confidence exudes inner beauty. This is the type of beauty that I want to characterize. I need to be confident for myself, and for Madi.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
I am caring for myself FIRST so that I am better able to care for others
Putting Yourself First
Daily Self-Care
'We have all heard the instructions of an airline attendant reminding us to put on our own oxygen mask before we help anyone else with theirs. This advice is often cited as a metaphor for self-care because it so accurately expresses why it is important. It seems to say, ironically, that if you can’t take care of yourself for yourself, do it for others. Few situations in our daily lives mimic the wake-up call of an airplane emergency, so it’s easy to keep putting self-care off—easy, that is, until we get sick, overwhelmed, or exhausted, and suddenly don’t have the energy to care for the people who count on us. That’s when we realize we haven’t been getting the oxygen we need to sustain ourselves. We begin to understand that taking care of ourselves is neither selfish nor indulgent; it’s just plain practical.
Putting yourself first means that it may be necessary to say no to someone else in order to say yes to yourself. For many of us, there is always something we feel we could be doing for someone else, and it helps to remember the oxygen metaphor. You can even encourage yourself by saying "I am caring for myself so that I am better able to care for others" or some other mantra that will encourage you. It also helps to remember that self-care doesn’t have to be composed of massively time-consuming acts. In fact, the best prescription for taking care of yourself is probably small, daily rituals; for example, taking one half-hour for yourself at the beginning and end of the day to meditate, journal, or just be. You might also transform the occasional daily shower or bath into a half-hour self-pampering session.
Whatever you decide, making some small gesture where you put yourself first every day will pay off in spades for you and the ones you love. The oxygen you need is all around you; sometimes you just need to be reminded to breathe.'
Daily Self-Care
'We have all heard the instructions of an airline attendant reminding us to put on our own oxygen mask before we help anyone else with theirs. This advice is often cited as a metaphor for self-care because it so accurately expresses why it is important. It seems to say, ironically, that if you can’t take care of yourself for yourself, do it for others. Few situations in our daily lives mimic the wake-up call of an airplane emergency, so it’s easy to keep putting self-care off—easy, that is, until we get sick, overwhelmed, or exhausted, and suddenly don’t have the energy to care for the people who count on us. That’s when we realize we haven’t been getting the oxygen we need to sustain ourselves. We begin to understand that taking care of ourselves is neither selfish nor indulgent; it’s just plain practical.
Putting yourself first means that it may be necessary to say no to someone else in order to say yes to yourself. For many of us, there is always something we feel we could be doing for someone else, and it helps to remember the oxygen metaphor. You can even encourage yourself by saying "I am caring for myself so that I am better able to care for others" or some other mantra that will encourage you. It also helps to remember that self-care doesn’t have to be composed of massively time-consuming acts. In fact, the best prescription for taking care of yourself is probably small, daily rituals; for example, taking one half-hour for yourself at the beginning and end of the day to meditate, journal, or just be. You might also transform the occasional daily shower or bath into a half-hour self-pampering session.
Whatever you decide, making some small gesture where you put yourself first every day will pay off in spades for you and the ones you love. The oxygen you need is all around you; sometimes you just need to be reminded to breathe.'
I was reminded today by my courageous sister that we can lose ourselves while trying to please others or take care of others before we take care of ourselves. People pleasing is something that many people find themselves trapped by. Our society teaches us that selfishness is a bad thing, that we need to put others first. I want to clarify... taking care of yourself first is not a selfish act - it is a vital act. one that is healthy for you and all of your relationships. How are you supposed to take care of someone if you are sick and in need of taking care of yourself first? Often we are not kind to ourselves. When we take care of others and put them first we often build up resentment toward that person... putting strain on the relationship, which in turn hurts everyone involved. Don't ever make a decision out of guilt, or a feeling of obligation. Don't listen to that little people pleasing voice inside that says 'I should do this/that...' Make decisions in your mind and your heart, do what you want and need, not what others want - if you make choices trying to please someone you are not being honest and fair with yourself. I always remind myself to never do anything that will be half-hearted, if my heart is not fully there, then I will say no, just follow what your heart tells you.
Just remember, "I am caring for myself FIRST so that I am better able to care for others." If need be, write this down and remind yourself everyday - it will help you to find balance in your choices and decisions.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Choices.... Choices... Choices...
YOUR life is shaped by YOUR choices... so what are you going to choose to do with YOUR life?
Monday, February 23, 2009
We are only responsible for ourselves, and no one else
and We are called to live Honest lives.
I feel so compelled to share these truth's daily with so many people that I care for and Love. It seems like so many people have a hard time seeting boundaries, or they aren't even aware that these are boundaries that need to be set! It is just so sad to me what the majority of us have been brought up to live by. This list of things may sound all too familiar to you, because I know it does me, it was how I lived my life for the past 23 years!!
"I can't tell him the truth because it will make him angry..."
"I don't want to Make her sad..."
"I am scared about what she will think of me..."
"If I tell her then she might not talk to me ever again..."
"I just feel like I can't please everyone..."
"He makes me so mad..."
"If I tell them the truth they might not like me..."
All too often I think that society teaches us that we are responsible for everyone Else's feeling, not our own. Therefore, we live our lives trying to please others and not ourselves, meanwhile we feel confused and torn about the decisions that we 'Should' make in order to make everyone else happy. Truth is: "You are NOT responsible for any one elses emotions, actions, attitudes and so forth." You CANNOT make any one happy, you cannot MAKE anyone sad, it is an individuals choice, not ours to make for them! For example say we buy someone an amazing gift, and we are sooo excited to give it to them because we KNOW that it is going to Make them so happy. Then we give them the gift and their response is no where what we expected it to be, they actually don't even like the gift... and we are disappointed because they didn't meet our expectation that what we did for them was going to "Make" them happy...
What I am getting at is that we only have control over our own Thoughts, feeling, attitudes, and actions.
But what we are called to do is to be "Truthful in Love". Even though we are not responsible for other people we are still responsible to them, and part of that is being kind to them, not mean. When living your life you need to be truthful to yourself and everyone else, because at the end of the day you are living your life for YOU and no one else! Does that make sense??
God calls us to live our lives honestly, not to try and please everyone.
I just remember when I finally grasped this concept, it was so priceless to me, and I had wished that I would have been taught it years ago!! Then I wouldn't have ended up in an unhealthy relationship. It is so freeing that I don't have to try to PLEASE anyone anymore. I have learned that we can't please anyone, it is their choice, and it is out of our control. This is why I Finally made the decision to leave my marriage, because I stopped worrying about what everyone else thought, and started taking care of myself! If someone disapproves of me because I left, oh well, that is their issue, not mine. They didn't have to live my life, they have no idea what I was going through.
So, with all of this in mind, what can YOU do to take care of YOURSELF?? Are you doing something to try to please someone right now? Or are you being dishonest because you are worried about someones reaction??
All of these concepts are outlined in a fabulous book titled, Boundaries. It is a new-york times bestselling book, and it has transformed many peoples lives, mine included. I highly recommend it.
I try to always remind myself to never do anything half-heartedly, my whole heart needs to be in every decision that I make.
I was compelled to write this because I have a Friend who seems to be struggling. And I hope and PRAY that everything works out with her, and that she is able to make good decisions for herself!
I feel so compelled to share these truth's daily with so many people that I care for and Love. It seems like so many people have a hard time seeting boundaries, or they aren't even aware that these are boundaries that need to be set! It is just so sad to me what the majority of us have been brought up to live by. This list of things may sound all too familiar to you, because I know it does me, it was how I lived my life for the past 23 years!!
"I can't tell him the truth because it will make him angry..."
"I don't want to Make her sad..."
"I am scared about what she will think of me..."
"If I tell her then she might not talk to me ever again..."
"I just feel like I can't please everyone..."
"He makes me so mad..."
"If I tell them the truth they might not like me..."
All too often I think that society teaches us that we are responsible for everyone Else's feeling, not our own. Therefore, we live our lives trying to please others and not ourselves, meanwhile we feel confused and torn about the decisions that we 'Should' make in order to make everyone else happy. Truth is: "You are NOT responsible for any one elses emotions, actions, attitudes and so forth." You CANNOT make any one happy, you cannot MAKE anyone sad, it is an individuals choice, not ours to make for them! For example say we buy someone an amazing gift, and we are sooo excited to give it to them because we KNOW that it is going to Make them so happy. Then we give them the gift and their response is no where what we expected it to be, they actually don't even like the gift... and we are disappointed because they didn't meet our expectation that what we did for them was going to "Make" them happy...
What I am getting at is that we only have control over our own Thoughts, feeling, attitudes, and actions.
But what we are called to do is to be "Truthful in Love". Even though we are not responsible for other people we are still responsible to them, and part of that is being kind to them, not mean. When living your life you need to be truthful to yourself and everyone else, because at the end of the day you are living your life for YOU and no one else! Does that make sense??
God calls us to live our lives honestly, not to try and please everyone.
I just remember when I finally grasped this concept, it was so priceless to me, and I had wished that I would have been taught it years ago!! Then I wouldn't have ended up in an unhealthy relationship. It is so freeing that I don't have to try to PLEASE anyone anymore. I have learned that we can't please anyone, it is their choice, and it is out of our control. This is why I Finally made the decision to leave my marriage, because I stopped worrying about what everyone else thought, and started taking care of myself! If someone disapproves of me because I left, oh well, that is their issue, not mine. They didn't have to live my life, they have no idea what I was going through.
So, with all of this in mind, what can YOU do to take care of YOURSELF?? Are you doing something to try to please someone right now? Or are you being dishonest because you are worried about someones reaction??
All of these concepts are outlined in a fabulous book titled, Boundaries. It is a new-york times bestselling book, and it has transformed many peoples lives, mine included. I highly recommend it.
I try to always remind myself to never do anything half-heartedly, my whole heart needs to be in every decision that I make.
I was compelled to write this because I have a Friend who seems to be struggling. And I hope and PRAY that everything works out with her, and that she is able to make good decisions for herself!
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Living in the Present, Today is a gift
So, I stole this from Rebekah! I didn't even ask her!! Sorry Rebekah, but I will give you and Henri complete recognition of this post!
'Patience is a hard discipline. It is not just waiting until something happens over which we have no control: the arrival of the bus, the end of the rain, the return of a friend, the resolution of a conflict. Patience is not a waiting passivity until someone else does something. Patience asks us to live the moment to the fullest, to be completely present to the moment, to taste the here and now, to be where we are. When we are impatient we try to get away from where we are. We behave as if the real thing will happen tomorrow, later and somewhere else. Let's be patient and trust that the treasure we look for is hidden in the ground on which we stand.' Henri Nouwen
Wow, I love this... Wisdom is priceless, isn't it?!
Last night at Boundaries I was reminded of who I am. I wonder if at times I do not have a clear picture, my mind becomes clouded with self righteousness, I am ashamed to say that, but it is so true! I realized that there are things in my life that are dysfunctional that need to be corrected. It is amazing how we always fall back into our bad habits without even recognizing them, that is why accountability is so vital to growing emotionally, spiritually, and so forth. SO thank you ladies for keeping me accountable to who I want to be.
If you want to know more about Henri Nouwen Click here
'Patience is a hard discipline. It is not just waiting until something happens over which we have no control: the arrival of the bus, the end of the rain, the return of a friend, the resolution of a conflict. Patience is not a waiting passivity until someone else does something. Patience asks us to live the moment to the fullest, to be completely present to the moment, to taste the here and now, to be where we are. When we are impatient we try to get away from where we are. We behave as if the real thing will happen tomorrow, later and somewhere else. Let's be patient and trust that the treasure we look for is hidden in the ground on which we stand.' Henri Nouwen
Wow, I love this... Wisdom is priceless, isn't it?!
Last night at Boundaries I was reminded of who I am. I wonder if at times I do not have a clear picture, my mind becomes clouded with self righteousness, I am ashamed to say that, but it is so true! I realized that there are things in my life that are dysfunctional that need to be corrected. It is amazing how we always fall back into our bad habits without even recognizing them, that is why accountability is so vital to growing emotionally, spiritually, and so forth. SO thank you ladies for keeping me accountable to who I want to be.
If you want to know more about Henri Nouwen Click here
Friday, November 21, 2008
Equality - Your choices don't define who you are!
Well at least that is My opinion anyway! And of course I believe that it is true... Your choices do no define you! Here is a great example, if I lie to someone it doesn't make me a liar! I know that you are probably thinking 'WhAt!? Yes it does'. But the problem I see with labeling ourselves in this way is that it sort of gives us an excuse. If I am a liar because I lied to -Oh I don't know... lets just say my Mom -it gives me an excuse to continue to lie because that is just 'who I am'. But I know, because God says so himself, that he made us in his image, and I know that He is not a liar! If we define ourselves by our choices there are a lot of things that we could be, so many of which I know that I am not, and don't want to be! Does that make sense?
A girlfriend came over to my place last night and we discussed the issue of equality. It was great because she gave me her perspective on equality, which differs from mine, so I was challenged to think about my beliefs. So, here I am, writing it down. As I am growing as a person I am really learning more about who I am and what I believe. I think that, speaking as a person who chooses to 'people please' a lot of the time, that when we fall into unhealthy patterns of trying to please people, we lose ourselves and don't know who we are because we are living trying to please everyone else.
So back to the subject matter, sorry I tend to go off on tangents, I believe that we are all equal as humans in Gods eyes. God loves us as his children and defines us as being created in his image. It says in Genesis 9:6b, NLT, For God made human beings in his own image.
Consider this, If you had two children;
A girlfriend came over to my place last night and we discussed the issue of equality. It was great because she gave me her perspective on equality, which differs from mine, so I was challenged to think about my beliefs. So, here I am, writing it down. As I am growing as a person I am really learning more about who I am and what I believe. I think that, speaking as a person who chooses to 'people please' a lot of the time, that when we fall into unhealthy patterns of trying to please people, we lose ourselves and don't know who we are because we are living trying to please everyone else.
So back to the subject matter, sorry I tend to go off on tangents, I believe that we are all equal as humans in Gods eyes. God loves us as his children and defines us as being created in his image. It says in Genesis 9:6b, NLT, For God made human beings in his own image.
Consider this, If you had two children;
- Child A was a child who made great decisions with his/her life, going to school - getting straight A's, graduating from College at the ideal age, getting married to a wonderful healthy person, becoming very successful in life, and so forth.
- Child B, was a 'Wild Child' who chose to start doing illegal drugs as a teenager, became very promiscuous, who ended up in jail for bad choices they he/she made, and not going to college, who ended up facing many bad consequences in adulthood due to the lack of healthy decisions they he/she made in life.
Would you Love Child A better than Child B?? I wouldn't, but even if you did say yes, God does not feel that way about his children. He loves us all the same, with an unconditional Love! I understand his love more now than I have ever before, because he has given me a miracle, a love for a child that grew inside of me. Regardless of whether Madi chooses to make healthy or unhealthy decisions in her life, my love for her will always be the same! I will continue to be a steward of her, as God has called me to be.
Sometimes I think that it is hard for us as humans to comprehend how God views us, and it is hard to see our worth through his eyes. I personally believe that regardless of who we are or the choices that we make God will love us all the same. Whether we Murder someone or just steal a piece of candy from the store, a sin is a sin. God does not define us by the choices we make, he looks at our heart.
Pete, my pastor, gave me a great description of sin, it is like in archery when you have the board and you are aiming to hit the bulls eye and you miss, which is most of the time... That is like sin. The bulls eye would be the picture of the ideal non-sin, but everywhere else on the board is Sin. That, I think, is a great description of sin! We are not perfect, we are humans, who fall short of perfection and God loves us anyway! Even an archer does not always hit the bulls eye. I am so reassured, because I know that I will never be perfect, although I will always try to hit the bulls eye, I know that I Will fall short.
In Matthew when Jesus criticizes the religious leaders he says this: (Matt 23:8, NLT)“Don’t let anyone call you ‘Rabbi,’ for you have only one teacher, and all of you are equal as brothers and sisters." Not one of us is better than another. In our culture, or even in this world, it is hard to understand this because our society does not believe it to be truth! But I believe that it is. We are all equal, at least in Gods eyes, and to me his view is the only one that matters!
ps Speaking of tangents, I am sooo happy that gas continues to decline in price. Today at Holiday it was $1.73 per gallon! Yay!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Anger
I learned last night that Emotions are a trigger... Anger, Sadness, excitement... They all tell you how you are feeling about a certain situation. So, in regards to that, I need to step back and take a look at my feelings. Why am I feeling frustrated?? I am going through a situation at the moment, I don't think that now is a good time to give any details, but I find myself becoming very angry and frustrated. At first I thought that I was in the wrong for feeling those emotions, so initially I stuffed them. Last night I had another Ah-Ha moment and discovered my problem!! Now I know that my feelings are telling me something, I am going to voice them so that they are heard, instead of resenting people who are involved.
Consider this
'Anger has a unique way of controlling our lives-even when we say we don't get angry. When uncontrolled anger erupts, it will be expressed either in an aggressive, hostile or toxic way or it will be expressed in a destructive passive way. We will express that anger outward toward other people or inward at ourselves. Expressed anger ranges from physical and verbal explosions to the more passive hurtful way like religion and sexual addictions, affairs in and out of the family, compulsivity, codependency and depression. If anger controls us, we will tend to be extreme when it erupts.
We have a right to disagree and be angry with someone we love. What we don't have a right to do is to be abusive or neglectful (passive-aggressive) when we express that anger. If we use silence and do not talk, we are abusive. If we explode, swear and rage, we are abusive. Neither extreme is healthy. Both are power. Both are a misuse of our power. Silence isn't golden; it's power. If you use silence you know how powerful it is. Proverbs 15:1 says: "A gentle answer [not silence] turns away wrath." For the rageaholic, Proverbs 15:1 says: "...but a harsh word stirs up anger." And Proverbs 19:19 says: "A hot-tempered man must pay the penalty; if you rescue him, you will have to do it again." (NIV)
The lack of (or the crossing of our) boundaries is one of the significant reasons for anger to erupt. Boundary violations cause us to feel fear, hurt, shame and anger to only name a few negative emotions. I had a client who experienced it vividly. The husband was very excited about retiring. The day after his retirement he quickly pursued his interest in "helping his wife." So after breakfast he stayed in the kitchen and started to "organize" all the pots, pans, pantry, shelves, everything. When he completed the task he was all smiles and expected his wife to also be happy. However, she wasn't. He had crossed her boundary. His nephew came over after school that day, as they had planned, excited about going fishing with him. Immediately after being invited indoors his nephew was shown his "handiwork". He commented about his frustration and hurt that the nephew's aunt "was not pleased." The nephew quickly understood the problem and said, "Oh! I've forgot that I had a lot of homework and papers to do this week. I won't be able to go fishing for a few days." And he quickly left. For two more days the spouse didn't cook anything for her husband. Finally at 5 p.m. on the third day, he stepped into the kitchen and began "rearranging the kitchen to the best that he could remember" it being three days earlier. When he was about half through, his wife stepped into the kitchen and began making them supper.
Boundaries are sometimes clearly spoken and negotiated. However, we frequently cross boundaries because we "really didn't know" that a boundary existed, or we do something because we're "just trying to help", or we think that we can do it better and intentionally try to improve and "help". When someone has a boundary, either spoken or unspoken, we need to respect it. Furthermore, when someone says "No!" we have the responsibility and privilege to respect it.
"No!" is a complete sentence. (1) And "No" is an honest and desirous attempt to set a boundary, make a decision or a choice, or an attempt to be assertive. Sometimes a "No!" is quietly said or expressed; other times it might be firm. But even Christians need to understand that "No!" is a complete sentence. When we do, I believe that we will experience a less hostile and angry environment in our homes, businesses and churches.'
Bob Davidson, Director of Family Institute.
We all have our views about anger, typically people perceive it as being harsh, harmful and destructive, but it isn't necessarily that way (it can be but that is our choice), it is all about how we choose to express our anger. Anger is not a 'Bad' emotion, it is healthy and it helps us to work through issues that we have. When people stuff anger, like ME!, it tends to do a negative effect, it eventually comes out as explosive, which I am guilty of. I think that I have been trained to believe that anger is a bad thing, so I stuff it, and when it comes out it isn't pretty. So, I am learning to work through it as it comes that way it won't be destructive when it comes, instead it can be constructive!
What would I do without Boundaries? Where would I be? I am so thankful that God has put Bev in my life to speak the truth to me, and also be so loving and accepting of me through all of my bad choices!
Yes, maybe everyone is sick of this whole boundaries talk, but I LOVE it!
Consider this
'Anger has a unique way of controlling our lives-even when we say we don't get angry. When uncontrolled anger erupts, it will be expressed either in an aggressive, hostile or toxic way or it will be expressed in a destructive passive way. We will express that anger outward toward other people or inward at ourselves. Expressed anger ranges from physical and verbal explosions to the more passive hurtful way like religion and sexual addictions, affairs in and out of the family, compulsivity, codependency and depression. If anger controls us, we will tend to be extreme when it erupts.
We have a right to disagree and be angry with someone we love. What we don't have a right to do is to be abusive or neglectful (passive-aggressive) when we express that anger. If we use silence and do not talk, we are abusive. If we explode, swear and rage, we are abusive. Neither extreme is healthy. Both are power. Both are a misuse of our power. Silence isn't golden; it's power. If you use silence you know how powerful it is. Proverbs 15:1 says: "A gentle answer [not silence] turns away wrath." For the rageaholic, Proverbs 15:1 says: "...but a harsh word stirs up anger." And Proverbs 19:19 says: "A hot-tempered man must pay the penalty; if you rescue him, you will have to do it again." (NIV)
The lack of (or the crossing of our) boundaries is one of the significant reasons for anger to erupt. Boundary violations cause us to feel fear, hurt, shame and anger to only name a few negative emotions. I had a client who experienced it vividly. The husband was very excited about retiring. The day after his retirement he quickly pursued his interest in "helping his wife." So after breakfast he stayed in the kitchen and started to "organize" all the pots, pans, pantry, shelves, everything. When he completed the task he was all smiles and expected his wife to also be happy. However, she wasn't. He had crossed her boundary. His nephew came over after school that day, as they had planned, excited about going fishing with him. Immediately after being invited indoors his nephew was shown his "handiwork". He commented about his frustration and hurt that the nephew's aunt "was not pleased." The nephew quickly understood the problem and said, "Oh! I've forgot that I had a lot of homework and papers to do this week. I won't be able to go fishing for a few days." And he quickly left. For two more days the spouse didn't cook anything for her husband. Finally at 5 p.m. on the third day, he stepped into the kitchen and began "rearranging the kitchen to the best that he could remember" it being three days earlier. When he was about half through, his wife stepped into the kitchen and began making them supper.
Boundaries are sometimes clearly spoken and negotiated. However, we frequently cross boundaries because we "really didn't know" that a boundary existed, or we do something because we're "just trying to help", or we think that we can do it better and intentionally try to improve and "help". When someone has a boundary, either spoken or unspoken, we need to respect it. Furthermore, when someone says "No!" we have the responsibility and privilege to respect it.
"No!" is a complete sentence. (1) And "No" is an honest and desirous attempt to set a boundary, make a decision or a choice, or an attempt to be assertive. Sometimes a "No!" is quietly said or expressed; other times it might be firm. But even Christians need to understand that "No!" is a complete sentence. When we do, I believe that we will experience a less hostile and angry environment in our homes, businesses and churches.'
Bob Davidson, Director of Family Institute.
We all have our views about anger, typically people perceive it as being harsh, harmful and destructive, but it isn't necessarily that way (it can be but that is our choice), it is all about how we choose to express our anger. Anger is not a 'Bad' emotion, it is healthy and it helps us to work through issues that we have. When people stuff anger, like ME!, it tends to do a negative effect, it eventually comes out as explosive, which I am guilty of. I think that I have been trained to believe that anger is a bad thing, so I stuff it, and when it comes out it isn't pretty. So, I am learning to work through it as it comes that way it won't be destructive when it comes, instead it can be constructive!
What would I do without Boundaries? Where would I be? I am so thankful that God has put Bev in my life to speak the truth to me, and also be so loving and accepting of me through all of my bad choices!
Yes, maybe everyone is sick of this whole boundaries talk, but I LOVE it!
Friday, November 7, 2008
Performance
It is great to know that I only have to perform for God. I don't have to perform for anyone else. Isn't that cool? It really takes all of the stress off of my shoulders knowing that God is technically the only person sitting in 'My Audience'. No one elses' opinions matter as long as God is pleased. Not to say that we should neglect others and their feelings but we are not responsible for trying to perform up to anyone elses' standards, only Gods. So I am trying to learn about who God has made me to be!
I know that I am significant, Safe and Secure, and that I belong. Sometimes I don't believe those truths but I am learning to be nicer to myself and treat myself better. It is so hard to form healthy habits by overcoming all of my bad habits that I have accumulated over the years! But I look forward to becoming the woman that God has made me to be, and watching my daughter develop and hopefully do the same, making better decisions than I did, along the way!
Speaking of babies, Aprils twins are due June 26th and 28th, can't wait to find out what they are... 13 more weeks and she will be 20 weeks along. She is hoping for 2 girls, which would be perfect considering Madi's wardrobe.
I know that I am significant, Safe and Secure, and that I belong. Sometimes I don't believe those truths but I am learning to be nicer to myself and treat myself better. It is so hard to form healthy habits by overcoming all of my bad habits that I have accumulated over the years! But I look forward to becoming the woman that God has made me to be, and watching my daughter develop and hopefully do the same, making better decisions than I did, along the way!
Speaking of babies, Aprils twins are due June 26th and 28th, can't wait to find out what they are... 13 more weeks and she will be 20 weeks along. She is hoping for 2 girls, which would be perfect considering Madi's wardrobe.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Some days are hard and some are a breeze
Now that I am on fluoxetene the majority of my days seem to be like a breeze blowing by... Although days like yesterday, where there is conflict, all I want to do is rip all of my hair out! LOL, not seriously, but I guess maybe metaphorically.
Relationships sometimes seem impossible! I find myself dreading any form of confrontation. And it seems that all day yesterday what happened in a couple of my relationships, was confrontation. Naturally I want to respond with defending myself, and/or giving an explanation for the situation at hand. But then I am reminded (after the fact, of course) that only someone who is guilty needs defense! So why, when people are not guilty, do they feel the need to defend themselves?? I think that it is because we are trying to please them, which is taking responsibility for them. I have discovered over the past few months that I all too often am taking responsibility for everyone else but me! Horrible, I know. I blame everyone else for my feelings of inadequacy, or even for some behaviors that are not all that great, when in reality I need to be responsible for them myself.
Do you ever find yourself wanting to change someones mood, attitude, opinion of you... and so on? Well, I do. But, I know that it is not healthy. When we are doing that we are trying to take responsibility for that person. I am learning that we are not responsible for anyone but ourselves. We need to be responsible to everyone (like telling them the truth in love) but we are never responsible for anyone! I know that it may sound complicated, but it really made a lot of sense once I grasped it, and it is life changing and freeing!
"Learning how to set boundaries is a vital part of learning to own yourself, of learning to respect yourself, of learning to love yourself. If you never have to set a boundary, then you will never get in touch with who you really are - will never learn to define yourself in a healthy way.
No one deserves to be treated abusively. No one deserves to be lied to and betrayed.
We all deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. If you do not respect yourself, if you do not start awakening to your right to be treated with respect and dignity (and your responsibility in creating that in your life) - then you will be more comfortable being involved with people who abuse you then with people who treat you in loving ways.
Learning to set boundaries is vital to learning to love yourself, and to communicating to other's that you have worth."
I am convicted, because all too often I try to do what people want me to do. I try to please them by acting a certain way or saying a certain thing aka 'People Pleaser'! Doesn't that seem hard! Well, it is. Sometimes I don't know who I am... I think that that goes hand in hand with trying to do everything that everyone wants me to do. Being wishy-washy is never a good thing, it isn't fair to yourselves or those around you. Like I said previously, you can NEVER have a healthy relationship with someone who cannot define themselves as being their own person. It sort of reminds me of some people who don't have physical boundaries who are in your face and stepping all over your toes, which is not a very pretty picture.
So, maybe I am a little over analytical when all is said and done. Sometimes I just feel like life takes a little more effort than what we as people put forth. Typically we just do what we were taught, the same things that our parents did. In my case that is not the life that I want, my Mom doesn't want that life for me either. She lived her life never standing up for herself or respecting her wishes and desires. Now she does, she is sooo much healthier now. And now that she is older and has dealt with many issues from her past. She now truly knows who she is, and what she wants in life and she is happy and has healthy relationships!
I have said it before and I will say it again, I need to live more consciously! I also need to remember that life is not a piece of cake. All of my hardships are not over, I will continue to face challenging things in life. But I need to do it with joy (easier said than done, trust me, I know).
"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 NLT
"...And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another even as God in Christ forgave you." - Ephesians 4:32
Relationships sometimes seem impossible! I find myself dreading any form of confrontation. And it seems that all day yesterday what happened in a couple of my relationships, was confrontation. Naturally I want to respond with defending myself, and/or giving an explanation for the situation at hand. But then I am reminded (after the fact, of course) that only someone who is guilty needs defense! So why, when people are not guilty, do they feel the need to defend themselves?? I think that it is because we are trying to please them, which is taking responsibility for them. I have discovered over the past few months that I all too often am taking responsibility for everyone else but me! Horrible, I know. I blame everyone else for my feelings of inadequacy, or even for some behaviors that are not all that great, when in reality I need to be responsible for them myself.
Do you ever find yourself wanting to change someones mood, attitude, opinion of you... and so on? Well, I do. But, I know that it is not healthy. When we are doing that we are trying to take responsibility for that person. I am learning that we are not responsible for anyone but ourselves. We need to be responsible to everyone (like telling them the truth in love) but we are never responsible for anyone! I know that it may sound complicated, but it really made a lot of sense once I grasped it, and it is life changing and freeing!
"Learning how to set boundaries is a vital part of learning to own yourself, of learning to respect yourself, of learning to love yourself. If you never have to set a boundary, then you will never get in touch with who you really are - will never learn to define yourself in a healthy way.
No one deserves to be treated abusively. No one deserves to be lied to and betrayed.
We all deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. If you do not respect yourself, if you do not start awakening to your right to be treated with respect and dignity (and your responsibility in creating that in your life) - then you will be more comfortable being involved with people who abuse you then with people who treat you in loving ways.
Learning to set boundaries is vital to learning to love yourself, and to communicating to other's that you have worth."
I am convicted, because all too often I try to do what people want me to do. I try to please them by acting a certain way or saying a certain thing aka 'People Pleaser'! Doesn't that seem hard! Well, it is. Sometimes I don't know who I am... I think that that goes hand in hand with trying to do everything that everyone wants me to do. Being wishy-washy is never a good thing, it isn't fair to yourselves or those around you. Like I said previously, you can NEVER have a healthy relationship with someone who cannot define themselves as being their own person. It sort of reminds me of some people who don't have physical boundaries who are in your face and stepping all over your toes, which is not a very pretty picture.
So, maybe I am a little over analytical when all is said and done. Sometimes I just feel like life takes a little more effort than what we as people put forth. Typically we just do what we were taught, the same things that our parents did. In my case that is not the life that I want, my Mom doesn't want that life for me either. She lived her life never standing up for herself or respecting her wishes and desires. Now she does, she is sooo much healthier now. And now that she is older and has dealt with many issues from her past. She now truly knows who she is, and what she wants in life and she is happy and has healthy relationships!
I have said it before and I will say it again, I need to live more consciously! I also need to remember that life is not a piece of cake. All of my hardships are not over, I will continue to face challenging things in life. But I need to do it with joy (easier said than done, trust me, I know).
"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 NLT
"...And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another even as God in Christ forgave you." - Ephesians 4:32
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
"What does 'Boundaries' Mean?" you ask...
I am currently in a Bible study with 7 other women reading a book titled Boundaries, written by Cloud and Townsend. This is what it is all about:
(I stole this from Rebekahs blog, I thought it was a great description!)
WHAT ARE BOUNDARIES?
Boundaries are another way to refer to ownership, or stewardship, or responsibility. Remember the cattle brands of the Old West? Successful ranchers burned a unique marking onto the hide of each cow. It was a good system. If a fence broke, and the animals from neighboring ranches mingled, the owners could easily sort out which animals were theirs and which weren't. Without brands, the confusion over who owned what would have been overwhelming.
Boundaries are our own personal "brand." They're a way for us to identify ownership. They tell us what is ours, and—just as importantly—what isn't. People with poor boundaries find themselves continually taking on problems that aren't theirs and neglecting their own.Boundaries are foundational to a sense of identity. They give us a clear sense of where "who I am" begins and ends.
This is essential for us to be able to love. People who aren't clear about their own thoughts, feelings, values, motivations, and behavior can never be sure if some sacrificial act they are performing for someone else was done freely, or out of a sense of obligation, fear or guilt. (Those acts should be done freely, if they're motivated out of a sense of loving God or others.) Clear boundaries are a gateway to a loving heart.
a little footnote:
Clear boundaries help us decide what is ours, and what isn't. They lead to good stewardship over our lives. Without an accurate sense of our limits and Choices, our lives will resemble "a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways" (James 1:8).
(I stole this from Rebekahs blog, I thought it was a great description!)
WHAT ARE BOUNDARIES?
Boundaries are another way to refer to ownership, or stewardship, or responsibility. Remember the cattle brands of the Old West? Successful ranchers burned a unique marking onto the hide of each cow. It was a good system. If a fence broke, and the animals from neighboring ranches mingled, the owners could easily sort out which animals were theirs and which weren't. Without brands, the confusion over who owned what would have been overwhelming.
Boundaries are our own personal "brand." They're a way for us to identify ownership. They tell us what is ours, and—just as importantly—what isn't. People with poor boundaries find themselves continually taking on problems that aren't theirs and neglecting their own.Boundaries are foundational to a sense of identity. They give us a clear sense of where "who I am" begins and ends.
This is essential for us to be able to love. People who aren't clear about their own thoughts, feelings, values, motivations, and behavior can never be sure if some sacrificial act they are performing for someone else was done freely, or out of a sense of obligation, fear or guilt. (Those acts should be done freely, if they're motivated out of a sense of loving God or others.) Clear boundaries are a gateway to a loving heart.
a little footnote:
Clear boundaries help us decide what is ours, and what isn't. They lead to good stewardship over our lives. Without an accurate sense of our limits and Choices, our lives will resemble "a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways" (James 1:8).
Saturday, October 4, 2008
I am a little irritated
So, I heard from the grape vine... That I "Bashed" Dan's parenting skills and posted our "Financial statement" on my blog. It just really frustrates me that in a sensitive and vulnerable time like this people have to spread rumors like these. I immeciately decided to re-read my blog to see if I was in the wrong. The only things that I have posted on my blog, from what I read, were truths, and they are my perspective of my life. It sounds like something that was not truthful (ie A LIE!) got back to him!! It sounds like there is a little bit of gossip going on. And wether or not someone thinks that they are being helpful in this situation, I think that more than anything they are being harmful, and not even to me, but to Dan! Dan was devastated when someone told him that I bashed him as a father (which I had to tell him was totally hear say by the way, he hasn't even read the blog himself). In no way shape or form would I ever say that Dan is a bad father! Actually I think that he is a wonderful father! When I was in the hospital he really proved that! He stepped up to the plate and became an amazing doting father, in the midst of all of our struggles at the time via health issues and marital issues. I know that he loves Madilynn with all of his heart and would never mean to cause her harm.
As for the "Financial Statement" comment... Dan is a private person and he has pretty much told everyone that I know how much our mortgage is. If that is being too informative and people are offended by this, please don't read my blog, or atleast have the courage, if you feel the need to say something, confront me about this situation instead of gossiping.
I am by no means saying that I am perfect! Maybe I could have worded some things differently, and if that is the case, I appologize. My goal is to Keep a wonderful relationship with Dan, no matter what the outcome. I never would wish to slander his name... and why would I do that? It would be insulting to me, in fact He is the father to our child, and for what it is worth, he still means a lot to me, and I do love and care for him and his well being.
For those of you who do not know the full extent of our situation, I want you to know that this is not our first separation. I have attempted in the previous separation(s) to address our issues but the attempt was not reciprocated. There were things that needed to change that have not changed. I feel as though those things would be innappropriate to discuss on my blog, for the same reasons that I have discussed before. My goal is to keep a healthy relationship with Dan, for the sake of all of us, Our families, and our daughter included!
So please, don't go and gossip to Dan, It only hurts him, Me, and Madi. He is more than welcome to read my blog. I am keeping none of this a secret from him, I am trying more than ever to live my life transparrently, by being honest with myself and others.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
While Eating Lunch
So if I had to describe today in one word it would be BUSY! Work is full of stuff to do, and so is life in general. So I needed a lunch break!
Dan and I are going to be doing some fall cleaning this weekend as well as sitting down and getting down to business. We have so many big decisions to make. We are looking at putting our house on the market. A realtor came and checked out our place (last week) and gave us a few different scenarios. Long story short (in order to be on top, financially) we would have to list it at $270,000 and I just feel like that is asking a lot in this market. So, we are checking into refinancing and thinking that Dan may be able to keep the house on his income. It would be tough as is now though, because it is over $2300 a month, CrAzY I know! We need to figure something out soon though. Finances are tight.
To a much funner and brighter topic... My daughter is Awesome!! Seriously, if you don't have a kid, you should, they are so worth it! It is so much more amazing than I could have ever imagined! She ate hard food for the first time this week. At daycare, her Grandma gave her a saltine on Monday 9/29. She LOVED it! So that night I gave her a baby biscuit and she made a huge mess, loving every minute of it and babbling, trying to tell me "Mommy, this is sooo good!"
She is really getting big, she is officially wearing 6-12 month clothing now. When I look at her little baby pics, I think, holy cow I don't even remember her ever being that small. Madi lost all of her hair at about 4 months old and now it is really starting to grow back. Everyday she gets cuter and cuter. I think that she wants more than ever now to be a big girl when she sees Sophia running around the house.
Life is crazy. You really never know what is going to happen... all these changes... I am sort of in a blur at the moment, life seems pretty overbearing at times. Especially the nights without my daughter. But I know (or hope) that in a year I will look back and see that everything worked itself out, it always does eventually work out. There is no need to stress, it really gets us no where in life, it only gives us wrinkles. If only I could listen to my own advice, right?
I have really been pondering everything in life a lot more lately. I think that going through the boundaries book (I go to a group, with 7 other women on Tuesday nights) really helps me to live consciously. I think that a big part of life is really relationship. We are supposed to be here for everyone and everyone is supposed to be here for us. No one would be anywhere without relationships, because when it comes down to it it really is not about what you know it is about who you know.
Although leaving Dan may seem like a contradiction to that whole idea I have discovered that in reality it isn't. I myself am a social person who desires to live for God and love people. Dan on the other hand is a bit more of an introverted private person. My person was really being stifled by Dan's person, as I am a very compliant person (which I am working on, by the way!). I don't know, maybe I am being too analytical or something. I just know in my heart of hearts that I am doing the right thing. My heart says leave Dan and my head says no, but as someone wise once told me 'Never do anything halfheartedly' (especially a marriage). Our minds always lie to us, telling us what we should or shouldn't do. If your heart says no, then don't do it, because otherwise you are doing it halfheartedly. I wish that everyone who was getting married could really follow that truth. If there is ANYTHING in your heart telling you not to get married then you really need to not get married! Period.
Enough said, I will stop ranting. I think that more than anything, I need to write these blogs for myself, so I can be reminded of the truth. It is easier said than done. I really need to take my own advice sometimes. All too often I am looking to others for answers when in reality I know what the answers are! Maybe I am just insecure and looking for confirmation...
ps my mouth feels 100% better, it is amazing how quick the mouth heals. I still have some exposed bone, but nothing like it was. Still haven't heard back regarding the biopsy.
Dan and I are going to be doing some fall cleaning this weekend as well as sitting down and getting down to business. We have so many big decisions to make. We are looking at putting our house on the market. A realtor came and checked out our place (last week) and gave us a few different scenarios. Long story short (in order to be on top, financially) we would have to list it at $270,000 and I just feel like that is asking a lot in this market. So, we are checking into refinancing and thinking that Dan may be able to keep the house on his income. It would be tough as is now though, because it is over $2300 a month, CrAzY I know! We need to figure something out soon though. Finances are tight.
To a much funner and brighter topic... My daughter is Awesome!! Seriously, if you don't have a kid, you should, they are so worth it! It is so much more amazing than I could have ever imagined! She ate hard food for the first time this week. At daycare, her Grandma gave her a saltine on Monday 9/29. She LOVED it! So that night I gave her a baby biscuit and she made a huge mess, loving every minute of it and babbling, trying to tell me "Mommy, this is sooo good!"
She is really getting big, she is officially wearing 6-12 month clothing now. When I look at her little baby pics, I think, holy cow I don't even remember her ever being that small. Madi lost all of her hair at about 4 months old and now it is really starting to grow back. Everyday she gets cuter and cuter. I think that she wants more than ever now to be a big girl when she sees Sophia running around the house.
Life is crazy. You really never know what is going to happen... all these changes... I am sort of in a blur at the moment, life seems pretty overbearing at times. Especially the nights without my daughter. But I know (or hope) that in a year I will look back and see that everything worked itself out, it always does eventually work out. There is no need to stress, it really gets us no where in life, it only gives us wrinkles. If only I could listen to my own advice, right?
I have really been pondering everything in life a lot more lately. I think that going through the boundaries book (I go to a group, with 7 other women on Tuesday nights) really helps me to live consciously. I think that a big part of life is really relationship. We are supposed to be here for everyone and everyone is supposed to be here for us. No one would be anywhere without relationships, because when it comes down to it it really is not about what you know it is about who you know.
Although leaving Dan may seem like a contradiction to that whole idea I have discovered that in reality it isn't. I myself am a social person who desires to live for God and love people. Dan on the other hand is a bit more of an introverted private person. My person was really being stifled by Dan's person, as I am a very compliant person (which I am working on, by the way!). I don't know, maybe I am being too analytical or something. I just know in my heart of hearts that I am doing the right thing. My heart says leave Dan and my head says no, but as someone wise once told me 'Never do anything halfheartedly' (especially a marriage). Our minds always lie to us, telling us what we should or shouldn't do. If your heart says no, then don't do it, because otherwise you are doing it halfheartedly. I wish that everyone who was getting married could really follow that truth. If there is ANYTHING in your heart telling you not to get married then you really need to not get married! Period.
Enough said, I will stop ranting. I think that more than anything, I need to write these blogs for myself, so I can be reminded of the truth. It is easier said than done. I really need to take my own advice sometimes. All too often I am looking to others for answers when in reality I know what the answers are! Maybe I am just insecure and looking for confirmation...
ps my mouth feels 100% better, it is amazing how quick the mouth heals. I still have some exposed bone, but nothing like it was. Still haven't heard back regarding the biopsy.
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