Thursday, October 2, 2008

While Eating Lunch

So if I had to describe today in one word it would be BUSY! Work is full of stuff to do, and so is life in general. So I needed a lunch break!
Dan and I are going to be doing some fall cleaning this weekend as well as sitting down and getting down to business. We have so many big decisions to make. We are looking at putting our house on the market. A realtor came and checked out our place (last week) and gave us a few different scenarios. Long story short (in order to be on top, financially) we would have to list it at $270,000 and I just feel like that is asking a lot in this market. So, we are checking into refinancing and thinking that Dan may be able to keep the house on his income. It would be tough as is now though, because it is over $2300 a month, CrAzY I know! We need to figure something out soon though. Finances are tight.
To a much funner and brighter topic... My daughter is Awesome!! Seriously, if you don't have a kid, you should, they are so worth it! It is so much more amazing than I could have ever imagined! She ate hard food for the first time this week. At daycare, her Grandma gave her a saltine on Monday 9/29. She LOVED it! So that night I gave her a baby biscuit and she made a huge mess, loving every minute of it and babbling, trying to tell me "Mommy, this is sooo good!"
She is really getting big, she is officially wearing 6-12 month clothing now. When I look at her little baby pics, I think, holy cow I don't even remember her ever being that small. Madi lost all of her hair at about 4 months old and now it is really starting to grow back. Everyday she gets cuter and cuter. I think that she wants more than ever now to be a big girl when she sees Sophia running around the house.
Life is crazy. You really never know what is going to happen... all these changes... I am sort of in a blur at the moment, life seems pretty overbearing at times. Especially the nights without my daughter. But I know (or hope) that in a year I will look back and see that everything worked itself out, it always does eventually work out. There is no need to stress, it really gets us no where in life, it only gives us wrinkles. If only I could listen to my own advice, right?
I have really been pondering everything in life a lot more lately. I think that going through the boundaries book (I go to a group, with 7 other women on Tuesday nights) really helps me to live consciously. I think that a big part of life is really relationship. We are supposed to be here for everyone and everyone is supposed to be here for us. No one would be anywhere without relationships, because when it comes down to it it really is not about what you know it is about who you know.
Although leaving Dan may seem like a contradiction to that whole idea I have discovered that in reality it isn't. I myself am a social person who desires to live for God and love people. Dan on the other hand is a bit more of an introverted private person. My person was really being stifled by Dan's person, as I am a very compliant person (which I am working on, by the way!). I don't know, maybe I am being too analytical or something. I just know in my heart of hearts that I am doing the right thing. My heart says leave Dan and my head says no, but as someone wise once told me 'Never do anything halfheartedly' (especially a marriage). Our minds always lie to us, telling us what we should or shouldn't do. If your heart says no, then don't do it, because otherwise you are doing it halfheartedly. I wish that everyone who was getting married could really follow that truth. If there is ANYTHING in your heart telling you not to get married then you really need to not get married! Period.
Enough said, I will stop ranting. I think that more than anything, I need to write these blogs for myself, so I can be reminded of the truth. It is easier said than done. I really need to take my own advice sometimes. All too often I am looking to others for answers when in reality I know what the answers are! Maybe I am just insecure and looking for confirmation...
ps my mouth feels 100% better, it is amazing how quick the mouth heals. I still have some exposed bone, but nothing like it was. Still haven't heard back regarding the biopsy.


PhotoJeanna said...

hi rebecca! it's been awhile since we've talked and i just wanted to say i've enjoyed reading your blog. I find that i don't always follow my own advice either but I have learned to start to realize that the past is gone and I can't control the future...there is only the Now. When I really believe that I realize that there are no problems...because right now, not yesterday or tomorrow, but right now I am happy.

Anonymous said...

Hey Rebecca,
I was just reading your blogs & your truly inspiring... I've never been through a separation - But I went through a brutal break up. Being engaged to someone who you dated for 5 yrs & then it's gone. I know you should take your own advice, and this may sound extremely cheesy - But you should really look at Dr. Phil's website in the relationship section. Especially if your doubting, because I honestly don't think you've taken all the appropriate steps to move on. I've been in counseling for relationships, stress, and addictions. I think you should look into to some counseling for yourself or possibly marriage. People can grow into different directions & it's better for a child to come from a broken home than live in one. But I think you and Dan should sit down and discuss where both of you are at & see if there is anything still there.

Sorry, but I'm an opinionated person - I just think you should really check out that site & see if it's the right path. Everyone in your life will support you either way.