Trust in God

'Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me. ' John 14:1

What do we do and where do we turn when it seems like everything is falling apart? When we lose our jobs, or our children are heading down the wrong path, when someone dies, or we are facing devastating consequences for the bad choices that we have made; who do we turn to?

'Dear brothers and sisters,when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.'
James 1:2-4

All too often I turn to worry, guilt, shame... But I need to remember that my life is not in my control. I am called to give it up, I am called to surrender, to a God who is far greater than my mind can imagine.

'Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.' Matt 16:24-25

God wants us to give up ALL control and put it into his hands!! Those tough seasons in your life could be a time where he is preparing you to rely more on him and give up control of your own life or the life of a spouse or child. Truly, all of our lives are out of our control, it is only God that knows what is ahead and in store for us.

We need to be reassured that God has great plans, and without these hard times all of this, Gods plans may not happen. I cannot help but think and know that God is in everything somehow, even though it may not seem like it at the moment... When we are facing those challenging times that life throws our way, God could be in the middle of it all preparing us for something great, for something that can turn your world upside down.

When we are going through those rough times we need to remember to turn to him, he is right by our side!

Last night I was spending time with Shirley (it is her birthday today!) we were talking about how Madi is influenced by both Dan and I. I expressed my concern for Madi's life, I don't want her to make the same bad choices that I have made in my life. As a Mom I want her to make the best decisions and be the best that she can be throughout her whole life... Shirley reminded me and assured me that Madi is Gods, and she is in his hands - and when I went up in front of the church to dedicate her that is exactly what I was doing, I was giving her to God! Madi's life is in Gods hands now, I am just a Shepard guiding her along the path of life, helping to teach her and guide her!

I think that we often forget sometimes that when we become Christ filled and we give our lives to God, our lives are no longer ours to hold on to, and try to control... we need to give UP and give it to God. I know that it is easier said than done, but God wants us to lay down our lives and give it all to him, he knows the plans he has for our lives. We shouldn't worry, he has it all figured out.

'For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' Jeremiah 29:11

Back on the right track

My heart feels good, and I know that I am doing what is right. I am out of the rut for now and walking the path that is best for me. I am choosing to follow the path that God has for me.

I am so thankful for all of the support, the accountability, the wonderful friends who keep me in tune with God...

Proverbs 10:8-10
8 The wise are glad to be instructed,
but babbling fools fall flat on their faces.
9 People with integrity walk safely,
but those who follow crooked paths will slip and fall.
10 People who wink at wrong cause trouble,
but a bold reproof promotes peace.

mistakes will happen along the way

Condemnation. Shame. Resentment. Guilt. Disappointment



often I feel these things when I make mistakes, when I slip up. Although I know that I am forgiven, that I am given grace, I still beat myself up. My heart feels ashamed and disappointed when I fail... I am constantly fighting myself, my perfectionism. I am my own worst enemy.



My heart is sad when I look back and see the truth. I was just a trophy wife, and nothing more. Did he even really love me? I have made so many mistakes and I naturally want to follow the old pattern that I have walked for so many years. There is a rut that was dug, and I keep falling into it!



I am trying to discover who I am and what I want, and why...

Why did I choose what that life? How do I fix what I choose? I want to make healthy choices, I want to turn away from the old life that I once knew. I want to create a new life for Madi and Myself. Sometimes it seems so hard...



But I know that His Grace is sufficient. Time will heal the wounds, and the rut will be filled once it is no longer walked in... and along the way the mistakes will still happen, but I am not separated from Gods grace he may be disappointed by he will not condemn me, he will still love me and draw me near.

Lean on me... When you are not strong

When I am weak he is strong. His strength now has the opportunity to shine through in this circumstance. My eyes are sore and my heart is heavy, but I am still turning to my God who I know will prevail in it all!


Why is it so much easier to blog when times are tough?? I have so many thoughts, and so many emotions. I feel like I have no control, so I am praying that God will take control of this situation... Lord I am putting it in your hands, and I am leaning on you, for my strength!

Things didn't go as well as I had hoped, Dan got a lot more of the schedule than I think any of us bargained for, so I will be going long durations without my beautiful baby girl, and my heart is already breaking. I feel as though my baby is being taken away, and I don't know why! I haven't done anything wrong!!

Yesterday was rough, tears streamed down my face throughout the 3 hour custody settlement, and my heart was devastated, I felt helpless and hopeless, and inside I was crying out to God in desperation.


This will be a very rough transition but I know that God will be by my side, and I have so many great Friends to lean on.

I am tired, and fatigued, I am lacking energy and part of me wants to give up. But on the other hand I am determined, determined to fight for my little girl ♥

Why is there Pain and Suffering?

Without pain, suffering and tribulation we wouldn't understand Love, we would have no compassion or faith, we would have no appreciation, we would have no strength and courage, no endurance or patience, no character at all, but most of all we would have no clue how amazing our God truly is. This is my own take on why there is pain and suffering, it is not a curse but a gift to unvweil our human eyes to reveal Gods goodness... so, why there is pain and suffering...

"A man went to a barbershop to have

his hair cut
and his beard trimmed.

As the barber began to work, they began
to have a good conversation.

They talked about so many things
and various subjects.

When they eventually touched on the
subject of God, the barber said:

'I don't believe that God
exists.'

'Why do you say
that?' asked the customer.

'Well, you just have to go out in
the street to realize that God doesn't exist.
Tell me, if God
exists, would there be so many sick people?
Would there be abandoned
children?

If God existed,
there would be neither suffering nor pain.
I can't imagine a loving
God who would allow all of these things.'

The customer thought for a
moment,
but didn't respond because he didn't
want to start an argument.

The barber finished his job and the customer left the
shop.

Just after he left the barbershop,
he saw a man in the street with long,
stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard.

He looked dirty and unkempt. The customer
turned back and entered the barber shop
again and he said to the barber:

'You know what? Barbers do not exist.'

'How can you say that?' asked
the surprised barber.
'I am here, and I am a barber. And I just
worked on you!'

'No!' the customer exclaimed. 'Barbers don't
exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair
and untrimmed beards, like that man outside.'

'Ah, but barbers DO exist! That's what happens when
people do not come to me.'

'Exactly!' affirmed the customer.
'That's the point! God, too, DOES exist!

That's what happens
when people do not go to Him and don't look to Him for help.

That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world.'"

Does anybody hear her?

Does Anybody Hear Her lyrics

She is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction
She is trying
But the canyon's ever widening
In the depths of her cold heart
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find
She's another two years older
And she's three more steps behind

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even knows she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

She is yearning
For shelter and affection
That she never found at home
She is searching
For a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day
And in walks her prince charming
And he knows just what to say
Momentary lapse of reason
And she gives herself away

If judgement looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we never even met her

He is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction

Often I feel as though this song was written for me! When it plays on the radio, I pray; I pray for all of the hurt people that are affected by others judgements and criticism. I pray for the ones who are looking for acceptance, the ones who are turning away from Christ looking for love in all the wrong places, I pray over my own life.

Over time I have learned that if someone is going to judge me it is their issue, not mine. It is not about me, it is about them! I used to worry about it until I had this realization... It is sad that they would be so narrow minded, because they don't know what they are missing out on, potential to be Friends with me, potential to learn from my life, and potential to grow, or even potential to help out another child of God. I have a choice, I can let their feelings affect me, but I choose not too, I choose to live for God, not for others!

I have learned to not take it to heart, to ignore the judgements. God is my ONLY judge, so if they want to judge me, that it their issue. I choose not to let them affect me.

I am sorry if you have been hurt, if you have been judged, if you feel broken. No matter what you do God loves you, and he looks upon you with adoration in his eyes. You are his child whom he delights in!

This blog post is dedicated to a dear Friend of mine who has a beautiful son and another on the way. Lord, I pray that your embrace would hold her, heal her wounds. Cleanse her Lord, give her freedom from any bondage. Wipe her tears away! Help her to see herself through your eyes, remove any blinders that she may have on. Give her strength. Remind her that she doesn't have to prove herself, we live under your grace. Comfort her Lord.

Opportunity for Joy?

James 1: 2 Dear brothers and sisters,[a] when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

I have to hold onto these words very tightly. I remember as a teenager when I felt down and out, God continually brought this passage to my mind. I am reminded again, and it gives me hope. As I am going through a divorce, becoming a single Mom, and completely relying on myself, I feel overwhelmed at times... but I am reminded of this verse, it is my 'Life Verse' that I have always held close.

I have discovered another area of growth that I have been running from for quite some time! As I joined the Crown Financial Course I knew that I would be facing one of my biggest fears: Finances.

Finances are extremely tight. Jill, an amazingly talented woman at church, came over last night and helped me create a fabulous spending plan (budget). She leads the course and has an amazing life story in regards to how God has blessed her financially. Her methods are great, my income... not so great. So, needless to say, I am on a VERY tight budget. I was only able to fit in $40 for diapers a month, which if I was to be realistic it is really about $60 worth of diapers that Madi uses a month. I will have to dip into my Misc/Entertainment fund for the extra diaper cost (which is budgeted at $25 a week).

This is going to be a huge learning process... $25 a week?! That is ALL I get to do with what I want - my Misc/Entertainment fund - everything else goes to bills and neccessities. My income does not cover my debt, so we are going to see about contacting my debtors to negotiate. I am already behind on quite a few things.

Sometimes consequences are not very fun, but as I always say 'Consequences are our best friends' because I will learn from them, and hopefully not make bad financial decisions like these again.

I have been living very frivolously for my income, using my credit Cards to pay for all of my neccessities, not facing the reality of my financial situation. I have decided to cut them all up! It will be hard, but I know that I will survive without them, things just may be a little tough.

I am struggling, it has been somewhat of a rollercoaster. But I am pushing through. I am going to face this battle with God by my side, cheering me on.

Please say a prayer for me as I embark this new journey.

I was encouraged today when I happened upon this blog. It just so happened to be the Blog Of Note today(Click HERE to link to it).
All things are possible!


Looking back at the 100 some odd posts, I am feeling good about where I am. I feel more stable spiritually and emotionally than when I first began blogging. I am even feeling better health wise. The low dose of steroids that I have been on have really helped boost my immune system, it seems as though that is really doing the trick. Things are deffinetly looking up, I am going in a postive direction and it feels wonderful.

Lemmondrops - Sweet and Sour stories of life, love, and little ones

Maybe I am a little post-aholic right now but I didn't want to pass this up.

I came across a devastating story... very encouraging though. I am continuously reminded of how truly blessed I am day in and day out. Read Emilie's blog, as she battled Cancer and kept a positive attitude through it all, even knowing that she would be leaving her babies and husband behind. She passed Christmas Eve, You can leave her husband and family some encouraging words, as well as be praying for them. They live in Saint Paul.

Thank you for taking the time

Reminiscing on 2008

Some amazing things have happened this year, both Wonderful and some a little Overwhelming and not so great... I have decided to enter into the new year with Joy in my heart (as Rebekah put it). Thank you everyone for all of the support that you have given me this year, I truly don't know where I would be without my wonderful friends, Family, Church, and Most of all My Savior - Jesus Christ!

As 2008 began I was very pregnant, 50 pounds worth...LOL. I was so eager to have my daughter in my arms already.

At the end of January, the long awaited and anticipated move happened!! My sister April, Her Husband Sean, and their Four Beautiful Children made the long haul from sunny California to snowy Minnesota. I am thrilled looking back at this year, seeing how much joy they bring to my life. April is the best sister and best friend that I could have ever wished for!!

In February I turned a whopping 23 years old, I know to some that is young, but to me it is Old, and as a matter-of-fact it is the oldest that I have ever been! But with age comes respect and I deffinetly enjoy that aspect of being 23!

I was trying to work on my marriage. To hold it together... Dan and I took the marriage course at the church. It was amazingly tough, we really discovered how different we really are during that time. On occasion he would go intoxicated, and it was very hard for me.

A tumor was growing in my mouth, so I saw an oral surgeon and was told the it was a 'Pregnancy Granuloma', that it should go away post-partum.

April 10th of 2008 was a life changing day for me! My gorgeous Daughter Madilynn Paige was born at 8:20 pm, weighing in at 7lbs 3 oz (not 62 pounds!! so why did I gain that much?!) and she was 19.5 inches, oh how my little baby has grown! I never knew that I could have so much love for someone... But I do! She has been a gift from God, to open my eyes, to what is really important in life.

Dan and I struggled, as he continued to drink (it actually increased during April-June, I have financial statements to prove it). I was torn... I felt obligated to my vows, but my heart was torn. The last thing that I ever wanted for my daughter was the childhood that I had, with a parent dealing with substance addictions... and having to deal with the consequences that come along with those addictions.

After Madi, I discovered that I had a lovely case of Fissures (which took quite a while to diagnose) The colorectal Surgeon finally confirmed my situation! I won't get into too much detail But I will say that I was living in pain for the first 6 months of Madi's life because of them...

7 weeks postpartum the tumor that had grown on the pallet in my mouth had not disappeared it had actually changed in shape, grew larger and the color changed as well. So I went back to the oral surgeon, they, to my surpirise, removed it. I was awake, and it wasn't a fun experience! They reassured my that it looked benign and that I had nothing to worry about...

A week later, I was told that I had Mucoepidermoid Carcinoma... WhAt?! 'Are you kidding me?!' I thought that it was benign!!

July First I had surgery, to remove it, at Mayo Clinic... I was left with a huge hole in my mouth, ouch, that wasn't fun. Following the surgery I got very sick and ended up in the Cardiac ICU. Everything that I ate and drank came out of my nose, it was really tough getting used to it!

By 10 weeks postpartum I had thankfully lost all of my 62 pounds, YAY!

My mouth continued to heal, but my bottom end didn't. It seemed like I had endless cases of medical issues, following the birth of Madi.

Dan and My relationship continued to spiral downward, I think that going through everything that I did helped me to see how really unsupportive he was as a husband... Although he Loved Madi and treated her wonderfully, I cannot say the same about how he treated me.

Finally I received some fabulous treatment (botox in the butt ;) For real, I had botox... Funny, I know! I quit breastfeeding :( but I finally was able to live somewhat pain-free!! Thanks to my Mom who was there for EVERY SINGLE MEDICAL SURGERY AND PROCEDURE that I had this year, she is so awesome, I love her so much!!

As things started to get better, medical wise. I gathered up the strength to face one of my biggest fears... Leaving my husband, with my daghter in the mix! It was tough, but looking back, I know that it will be the best for all of us!

I Continued my pursuit for a God who has been simply Astounding. He has Turned my life upside down and all around, I have hope, in him... and finally we have a relationship like I have always desired to have with him, and it is amazing! Thank you God, thank you for standing by my side, waiting for me all these years, to finally turn to you!

I got a lawyer in September and started court proceedings. For the first time in my life, I live alone (well somewhat anyway... If Madi doesn't count). I got a beautiful apartment in Inver Grove, close to my Mom and church, yay!

I am learning to fully trust Christ. It is a journey and I struggle, stumbling along the way, but God and everyone around me have been lifting me up, so when I do fall, it is short lived, I am lifted up pretty much right away!

The divorce has brought it's ups and downs and we are only at the begining...

Madi is getting more and more beautiful day after day. Haloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas were all a blast with her :) She has so much personality, and I predict that she is going to be a singer some day... she loves to sing already! She has 2 teeth that are popping through now :)

Christmas was amazing! It was my 10th annual Christmas day dinner at the church. Madi and I cooked for it, and it was a blast, great having all of my family there. The opening of gifts afterward at my place was a ton of fun too!

Sooo many more things have happened... I cannot forget about Blogging I started in September. I have also made many mistakes this year, that I hopefully will learn from and not make in the coming year. We are all on a journey, who knows where 2009 will take me!

Welcoming 2009 with open arms...
Love you all
I hope that everyone had a fabulous Christmas, and that you are going to have a wonderful new year.

ps Apparently My Blog is categorized as a 'Top Blog' in Rochester and Minneapolis, little did I know... Thanks to Lynn, I have discovered...

all my raw emotion

at the top of my Lungs, Cyber-Scream!!*AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*
lol... If I don't laugh, I might cry!

Seriously I want to rip allll of my hair out... he is sooo controlling! I am so disgusted at how he manipulates and controls every situation, and every conversation, I try so hard and yet I fail. I cannot keep it in anymore. How did I put up with it for so long?! He had me in the grasps of his fist this whole time, My life is hell if I don't give him what he wants! Why can't he work with me?? If I don't give him what he wants then he takes it all away, so either he gets 85% or 100%. All I want is my baby, he can have everything else... No! All he wants to do is control me. I don't think that I can do this for the next 18 years of my life. Can't it all be over...

God, My heart is sinking, I feel so sick... He is so unreasonable! I feel overwhelmed. Lord, when is this all going to be done with?? I no longer want to live my Life for Dan, I want to live it for you! I am trying so hard and yet I can feel my soul sinking... I want to be lifted up, not pushed down. How did this happen, the man that I was once in love with is treating me so horribly!? He is taking away the one thing that I love...

Weary and Broken

I am living this life, trying to follow God. My mind doubts and my heart cries out for answers. I am anxious to know what my life will bring. Will I, Rebecca Rosario, leave a legacy? Will everything work out? What about tomorrow? I question God, But why??

Proverbs 20:24
The Lord directs our steps,
so why try to understand everything along the way?

We need to live in the present; not the future, and definitely not the past!
I love Proverbs, I am reminded of Gods wisdom and direction for my life.

Please Lord, remind me to have contentment, I give you control of my life. I know that you have better plans for me than I do for myself. Give me Peace, and rest during this tumultuous time. I desire to be calm in your presence at all times. I know I am broken, help me to heal, to glue all of my pieces back together. Give me your energy to live this life to the fullest. I will trade you my burdens for your freedom. I want my life to be a testimony to you Lord. Without you I don't want to even know where I would be. I Love you. Thank you for this life that you have given me, and for the gift of your son and your spirit!

The Deckers

I highly recommend everyone to check out the following blog:

http://sccsdecker.blogspot.com/

When you click on the link above, read the synopsis, and it will tell you what the blog is all about. I was very touched and transformed by this amazing family who has endured more than I could ever imagine...