Monday, December 29, 2008

all my raw emotion

lol... If I don't laugh, I might cry!

Seriously I want to rip allll of my hair out... he is sooo controlling! I am so disgusted at how he manipulates and controls every situation, and every conversation, I try so hard and yet I fail. I cannot keep it in anymore. How did I put up with it for so long?! He had me in the grasps of his fist this whole time, My life is hell if I don't give him what he wants! Why can't he work with me?? If I don't give him what he wants then he takes it all away, so either he gets 85% or 100%. All I want is my baby, he can have everything else... No! All he wants to do is control me. I don't think that I can do this for the next 18 years of my life. Can't it all be over...

God, My heart is sinking, I feel so sick... He is so unreasonable! I feel overwhelmed. Lord, when is this all going to be done with?? I no longer want to live my Life for Dan, I want to live it for you! I am trying so hard and yet I can feel my soul sinking... I want to be lifted up, not pushed down. How did this happen, the man that I was once in love with is treating me so horribly!? He is taking away the one thing that I love...


Rebekah said...

When you have Madi, LOVE her will all you've got! I am working on learning to focus on loving Caleb (overcoming evil with good) instead of giving George the satisfaction of angering me. These sick, disturbed, evil men will use their own child to get at the women that rejected their pathetic egos.

I face my sick, disturbed, evil enemy on Friday (with all his manipulative tricks and tactics), but I beg God to empower me with smiles and laughter...because George wants to see me miserable...and I refuse to give him the satisfaction!

I can still see Caleb when I returned him to his dad in October. George reached out to hug Caleb and said, "I missed you!"

"I didn't miss you at all, Daddy, because I was having so much fun," he exclaimed, flashing a big grin at me!

After watching George's reaction, my greatest weapon is LOVE and LOTS OF FUN!!! :0)

I CANNOT WAIT to get my arms around that precious boy and PLAY HARD with him for 10 WHOLE DAYS!!!

lynn said...

Hi! My name is Lynn and I live in Rochester, MN. I feel guilty about leaving a comment, as we don't know each other. I found your blog on "top blogs in Rochester." I just wanted to let you know that your blog is very inspiring to me. You have very strong faith! Sometimes we all take very much for granted and we forget about what is really important. So, thank you for sharing. I hope 2009 is a better year for you.

Take care! Lynn
PS. I would like to start a blog myself. I love your layout. Can you tell me where you found such a beautiful one? My email address is Thank you in advance for your help! :)