200 later

My Mom will tell you that I was born an adult - 'Responsible, and ready to take on the world...' and in some ways she is right, but I haven't always felt that way in every sense...
I am just a girl, and I think that I will always be 'Just a girl'. My Mom is a fabulous woman, who has made her fair share of mistakes - as we all have - in some ways I followed her footsteps and in other ways I deliberately became everything that she was not - you know how the saying goes about being like your 'Mom'.

I was unplanned for sure, conceived one night after 18 months of separation during the divorce process, I may have been an accident, but God obviously had some different plans! I believe that I was meant to be, That is my idea and I am sticking to it.

I am a sister, a daughter, and a Mother who has experienced so much in such a short life of 24 years and 191 days. I was born to a single Mom, who was in college, I was her second of three children and that is where my story began. My life as a kid was pretty unstable, which leaves me to say that there is no simple way to explain where and what my childhood was like, I have so many different recollections of what life looked like, and to be honest it is hard for me to know what happened when, I just have all of these memories floating around, and they make up and define who I am today...

Drugs, abuse and instability is what I grew up experiencing. I would never want to relive my childhood, but I wouldn't change it, only because I am happy with who I am today... I will say though that although I grew up in utter chaos, I felt like there is one thing that I never lacked, and it was Love - whether it came from my Mom, My Grandma, or My Sister - it was there, and I truly believe that as a human, that is the one thing that is necessary for healthy survival.

As I approached the 200th post I really began to recollect this whole blogging process, it has been truly amazing. There is something so liberating about spilling to the world your heart and your emotions, putting yourself out there in such a vulnerable way, and with it has come growth for me, it has been a great endeavor this past year writing what is on my mind.

So I have decided to re-post something that I feel really captures my life in a little nutshell of 100 words - it was a brilliant idea, and I thought about writing a 200 word autobiography but decided against it, because it was so well written in 100 words...

So here it is My 100 Word Autobiography

Unplanned pregnancy, Mom wanted me.
Loving Grandparents. Tumultuous times.
Addicted Father, passive Mother.
Mom remarried - Drug addicted Stepfather.
Drug raid, Foster home, Mother in jail.
Life spiraled downward. Hardships galore.
Instability. I Attempted perfection, wanted control.
Mom finally left him.
We were free.
Mother depressed.
Light appeared, Jesus - Glimmer of hope.
Moved to Minnesota. Alone. Depressed.
Found guy. Wanted Stability. Very abusive…finally left.
Broken. Hurt. Rebounded, met another Man. Married. Turned from God again.
Felt imprisoned.
Pregnancy. Struggle. Had a BEAUTIFUL BABY!
Cancer discovered. Marriage failing. Ultimatum, then Divorce.
Starting over, Serving Jesus… Taking one step at a time.

100th Post

Can you believe that I made it to 100 posts on my blog already, wow!! I know, it is because I post pretty much everyday, if not a couple times a day... but what can I say, I love blogging!

I just want to say thanks to everyone who has stood by me through all of the ups and downs over the past 100 posts, it really has meant the world to me.

I was inspired by a fellow blogger, Tara, to do something special for my 100th post. I am not sure If I will be able to capture it as well as the original author, Tara, did with her Autobiography in 100 words, but I am going to try.

Rebecca's 100 Word Autobiography

Unplanned pregnancy, Mom wanted me.

Loving Grandparents. Tumultuous times.

Addicted Father, passive Mother.

Mom remarried - Drug addicted Stepfather.

Drug raid, Foster home, Mother in jail.

Life spiraled downward. Hardships galore.

Instability. I Attempted perfection, wanted control.

Mom finally left him.

We were free.

Mother depressed.

Light appeared, Jesus - Glimmer of hope.

Moved to Minnesota. Alone. Depressed.

Found guy. Wanted Stability. Very abusive…finally left.

Broken. Hurt. Rebounded, met another Man. Married. Turned from God again.

Felt imprisoned.

Pregnancy. Struggle. Had a BEAUTIFUL BABY!

Cancer discovered. Marriage failing. Ultimatum, then Divorce.

Starting over, Serving Jesus… Taking one step at a time.

whew, that was tough. But again, therapeutic!
The power of words are amazing.
There is so much more to it than just that, but seriously, 100 words... That is tough, with so much to say. It seems so dark, but yet there have been so many amazing God stories along the way, I have a feeling though that now that I am whole heartedly serving God the rest will all be uphill :) My parents are both amazing, and they have their own story to tell, they are both serving God now, and I have a fabulous relationship with them both...

Like I always say a wonderful family, fabulous friends, and a very supportive Church! I am one blessed girl!
God has been amazing through it all. I am Loved, and I am happy. He has been there every step of the way, and although more often than not I turned to my own understanding, he has stood there, arms open wide, waiting for me to run into his embrace. Now here I am in the arms of my father, and so much healing is taking place, it amazes me! I have learned so much about who I am in these last few months, I feel great, and happy, and I am single and okay, for the first time. No more looking to a guy for stability, now I am looking to God!