Monday, September 29, 2008
Okay, so I could seriously use a vacation! It has been one crazy year for sure.
After being pregnant, gaining 62 pounds, having a baby, being diagnosed with oral cancer, losing the 62 pounds (yay!) and other issues that I won't go into... It has been a crazy year!
Madi is getting so big, and she is getting funner and funner everyday! She will be 6 months on October 10th. She is quite active as well as interactive. She loves to talk, and I think that she is going to be a singer some day (she loves to squeal and scream for the fun of it). She is sitting up now. I have a feeling that she will walk before she crawls. She is not a belly fan, she would much rather be up on her feet staring the world down. She is going to be a strong willed child, she already is. I know that I have a long road ahead of me, I am sure that Madi will be challenging me every step of the way! I will love her for it though. I know that that will require continued growth. I suppose that God didn't write the Bible for nothing. It seems as though I am always growing in some way, shape, or form. She is eating some solids now, milk just wasn't cutting it any more, which probably expalins the many sleepless nights we have had over the last few months... She is sleeping much better now that I am feeding her cereal at night. She weighs an amazing 18 lbs 4oz!! I know she is quite the healthy baby, right?! But I love every ounce of her. You wouldn't think that she would weigh that much when you see how active she is, but it is better to have a chubby baby than a skinny baby for sure.
The health issues are seeming to get better. Thanks to all of the prayer, support, love, good doctors, and of course God working. I will continue to see the ENT every three months for oncology appointments. I am a little concerned... as the hole in my mouth is healing up I am noticing that there may be another growth. Hopefully it is just extra tisse that we won't have to worry about. I am just a little nervous. I hope to never again go through the invasive surgery that left a hole in my pallet! I know for sure that there is extra tissue growth on my pallet that will need to be codarized (sp) per my conversation with the ENT about a month ago. It will be 3 months post surgery on Oct. 1st, which means I can finally get my permanent mouth peice. I am no longer going to Mayo as I have transferred all of my postoperative care to the Twin Cities. I will be going to the ENT today at 2:30pm I will be sure to keep everyone updated if there is any new news. (this pictures is two weeks post surgery, it looks a ton better now, I will get a current picture and post it soon so everyone can see. keep in mind I was very sick when it was taken, LOL, it isn't that great of a picute of me :)
As for home life, it is a little, well... Unstable for now. But it is as stable as can be. I am living with my girlfreind Alyshia, we are good freinds from High school. She and Nick, as well as their baby Sophia, have welcomed Madi and Me into their home with open arms. I don't think she knows truly how thankful I am for all of her support.
Things on the homefront with Dan were just getting to be too much for me. It was totally my choice to leave, I just was not happy with where things in our marriage were. I know that if I was to stay (which would be a lot easier to do) nothing would ever change. Dan and I are just on two totally different pages. We are very different people with very different aspriations in life. I am just taking it one day at a time, praying about it, and I am at peace knowing that God will work it all out in the end. If I was to have stayed I just feel as though I would be enabling things to stay the same, and there would have been no healthy change in either of our lives if that was the case. The last thing that I wanted was for Madi to have to be affected negatively by my lack of choosing to move forward in life. I want her to see what a healthy marriage looks like, not a disfunctional one. I take full responsibility for it not going the way God had planned. People make bad choices and they don't define who we are, we choose to learn and grow from them, and that is where I am at right now. I am facing the consequences of some choices that I have made in the past which may have not been the best choices to make. So there it is, I am deffinetly feeling a tad bit overwhelmed but also relieved at the same time, sort of an oximoron (sp) isn't it?
After going through all that I have this year I really feel as though I have learned a lot. There are two things that go hand in hand that really stick out to me though, 'we need to live life to the fullest' and 'life really is fragile', I know that maybe it sounds a little cliche but it is so true. If everyone were to live their lives with those things in mind this world truly would be a better place.
So as I have always looked to the truth, it says in James 1:2-4 "Dear brothers and sisters, whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything." It is funny because I have always considered this to be my "life verse" (it was my senior quote in the yearbook) but it rings true more now than ever in my life. So, thank you God for all of these tough times, I know in my heart that you are just forming my life to reflect a stronger person who totally needs to depend on you. It is quite humbling really, when you think about it. We really aren't in control, are we??