Friday, May 8, 2009

mistakes will happen along the way

Condemnation. Shame. Resentment. Guilt. Disappointment

often I feel these things when I make mistakes, when I slip up. Although I know that I am forgiven, that I am given grace, I still beat myself up. My heart feels ashamed and disappointed when I fail... I am constantly fighting myself, my perfectionism. I am my own worst enemy.

My heart is sad when I look back and see the truth. I was just a trophy wife, and nothing more. Did he even really love me? I have made so many mistakes and I naturally want to follow the old pattern that I have walked for so many years. There is a rut that was dug, and I keep falling into it!

I am trying to discover who I am and what I want, and why...

Why did I choose what that life? How do I fix what I choose? I want to make healthy choices, I want to turn away from the old life that I once knew. I want to create a new life for Madi and Myself. Sometimes it seems so hard...

But I know that His Grace is sufficient. Time will heal the wounds, and the rut will be filled once it is no longer walked in... and along the way the mistakes will still happen, but I am not separated from Gods grace he may be disappointed by he will not condemn me, he will still love me and draw me near.

No comments: