Thursday, November 20, 2008

*sigh*

So, I haven't taken my fluoxetine (antidepressant) since last Saturday. I felt like I was doing okay without it, which I thought would be great! Dan often comments on how I am medicated... Not that I take it that personal or anything, but I would like not to have to be dependant on anything.

Today it is really hitting me, I feel down again, not like I want to hurt myself or anything severe like that. I don't know, I guess that it seems too complicated to explain how I feel. I do know that I felt A LOT better while taking it!

I am just curious to know though, are antidepressants a cop out? Are the issues being dealt with by the medication or is the fluoxetine like a band aid, only covering up the wounds?? If that is the case, I would much rather deal with the issues rather than cover them with medication...

Although it is tough living in this state of mind. I am by no means severely depressed or anything. I don't know there is just a negative-ness that lingers over my mind and thoughts.

I am tired, and I am not happy with where things are in my life. I know that God calls us to be content where we are, but I don't feel content! I am not happy with so many aspects of my life right now, sometimes I dread waking up! What should I do? I feel like sometimes I know the answers to my own questions, and I feel good about where things are... then there are times where I feel a little overwhelmed. I am just not sure what to do with these feelings, or where to go from here. Too bad I didn't have boundaries every night! Bev, our boundaries leader, always seems to have great insight into things.

I need to remember this-
1 Timothy 6:
6 Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth. 7 After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. 8 So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content.

I again am convicted, I have enough food and clothing... why do I long for more! I feel my selfish human nature consuming me!

1 comment:

Rebekah said...

Rebecca, if you have low serotonin levels, then antidepressants are not band-aids. It would be very foolish to ignore the chemical needs of your body.

Don't be hard on yourself. Yes, we are to be content...while moving forward. Do the best you can everyday, ask God for His grace and talk to a person that you respect that can help you perceive yourself and your life in a balanced way. We're all on a journey...