Tuesday, December 9, 2008

untitled

Ahhh! I could just scream!!

I feel like everything has been a waste! What have I been living for for the last seven years?? A failed Marriage, a drunk husband, a life of lies to myself! Allowing myself to be controlled and treated the way that I was. Trying to be true to my Vows, I wasn't true to myself!

As the tears fall I question, "Why God! Why did I make those decisions for my life?" I feel so overwhelmed at the loss of all of this. Letting go of the life that I once knew, the life that I told myself that I loved.

Starting over is so hard! I don't want to face this loss that I have endured, I hate being alone, I miss his embrace. I am still not facing it, I don't know if I am not emotionally ready or what! These tears have not been shed for months... I wonder if it is now that my ,mind is forcing me to mourn the loss of my marriage, the loss of someone who I thought I would share the rest of my life with.

We just talked on the phone... How different we are, it amazes me! How was it working all this time? I am learning, and Wow, it is hard.

God deliver me of my brokeness I don't want to be unhealthy any more, guide me to become the woman, and Mother that you have created me to be. I desire to be healthy and to make good decisions. I know that all of this is only a consequence of the decisions that I have made.
I feel so overwhelmed, give me peace Lord!

2 comments:

Rebekah said...

You have to grieve, Rebecca...but don't condemn yourself while you face and release the loss of your dreams in your tears. God does not condemn you; He wants only to embrace and comfort you. Be gentle with yourself as He is with you. He wants to rebuild your broken places...

Jesus came and longs to comfort your broken heart, He proclaims that you will be released from your captivity and freed from your prison!
He is saying to you as you mourn that the time of the Lord’s favor has come, and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies.
He will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair.
In your righteousness (in Him), you will be like a great oak that the Lord has planted for His own glory. (Isaiah 61:1-3 NLT)

LovelyLee said...

You're on the right track. Crying out to God is the one and only thing you can do in this situation.

He makes all things better.