Tuesday, December 2, 2008


It hurts... both my bottom end and my top.

I went to the Doc yesterday, for my mouth, and he said that he thinks that it just may be infected. There is a bone spur working it's way out and it is so painful (mostly while I am eating and drinking). It feels impossible to eat... atleast without any pain, that is. So antibiotics and pain meds it is.

My bottom isn't doing too hot these last few days either. Am I going to have to deal with these stinking fissures for the rest of my life? or what?? One or two days of forgetting my Miralax and I feel like I am back to square one. Miralax is amazing, but it seems like it is just a band aid to the issue, if I don't take it every night that I am in for some pain the following days.

Things are tough with Madi and Dan. He wants to have her half time, and I don't want that. I feel like I am being selfish but wholeheartedly I want what is best for her, is it mean to say that I feel like I am what would be best for her? Not that Dan is a bad father... I just feel as though he doesn't make the best decisions and I don't want her to be affected by those decisions. Last week Pete preached about parenting, his main objective throughout the sermon is that in order to be a good parent we ourselves need to be healthy. Children don't do as we say, but they do what we do! If that makes sense. They pick up every single little thing. By no means am I perfect, but I am working on myself and trying to become a more healthy person to teach her how to live her life in a rightious way. I don't want her to be influenced by some of the choices that Dan is making or has made.

So we will be going to court because he is going to fight for custody... Ugh, long road ahead I am afraid!

Some ispiration for today:
Proverbs 4
25 Look straight ahead,
and fix your eyes on what lies before you.
26 Mark out a straight path for your feet;
stay on the safe path.
27 Don’t get sidetracked;
keep your feet from following evil.

Proverbs is amazing! Lots of food for your mind to chew on...
I am tired, weak, and weary but I am looking forward, I am following Gods plan for my life, I will continually seek his truth I know that the answers lie in him. I cannot look to my own understanding.

'God, give me your answers, speak to me, and give me peace in the decisions that need to be made. I love you with all of my heart and I want the same for Madilynn, my heart desires for her to walk a path of rightiousness for you. Amen!'

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