Can I visit??

So whom ever is visiting my blog from Atascadero, California... Can I come and visit you?? Pleeease!
I need some warmth and sunshine right about now!

Isn't Debt a bad thing!?

Then why are we going into more debt??
Check it out here, we each individually owe $35,310.80! That is insane. Not a very wise decision, in my opinion...

No Blog for 3 Days.

Was the title of an email that I received today from My Grandma Brady. I love you Grandma!! You are probably my biggest fan, and even if you were my only fan I would still blog for you ;) (I miss you so much, by the way, I can't wait to see you!)

So, I realized a couple things from Grandma's email 1) I really do blog a lot, don't I!? and 2) I have been a really busy girl...

Although I am going on 6 months of being single now, I think that I am much more busy now than I was when I was in a relationship. Nonetheless, I LOVE it!! I feel like such a sponge right now; I am soaking everything up, and growing, figuratively speaking anyway! It is Grrrreat!

There are some bumps along the way of course. Talking to Shirley last night she put it into perspective though. When you are cleaning out the closet, it gets messy before it can really get clean, as you are organizing it all. I am in the messy stage, that is for sure! But I feel optimistic, and I love to clean; During the messy stage is when I am motivated. So here I am staring my mess in the face, and I am determined to clean it all up, with Gods help of course!!

Crown Financial has been amazing so far, I have had so many revelations and we are only going into our 4th week. Last night the topic was seeking Wise Counsel. I am meeting with Jill, a wonderful woman from church, whom I lived with as a teenager. We are meeting on Saturday before our 'Dine with Nine', a dinner of 9 people from the church, it is an annual thing that our church coordinates, a ton of fun... Anyway, we are going to create a budget and a spending plan for me, I am so excited but also desperately afraid all at the same time. BUT I am trusting God, I know that he is going to break through and this will just be another area of growth, among the many that have and still need to take place! Isn't brokenness just a part of our humanness though?? I am constantly reminded that I need to be humble, for it is God's glory that shines in my life, not my own! This will all be testimony to his love in the end.

Grandma, I was really planning on posting tonight... So, here is another blog post for everyone to read. I am so happy to see where I have come in the last 6 months, I am genuinely happy now, and for the first time ever, I am whole-heartedly serving my Creator, and I feel so free to be able to do so.

as I end this post I want to leave this little 'Fortune Cookie' for you to chew on. I challenge you to really take it in and think about it. Are you speaking positive things? Are you doing positive things? Are you hanging out with people who lift you up? If not think about what you can do to make some healthy and positive Changes!

If you say something enough it becomes truth, and if you do something enough it becomes natural, and the people you spend time with help form your character.

Fortune Cookie

We cannot all do great things, but we can do small things with great love.
— Mother Theresa

My Life is WHAT I make it

how freeing is that!?
It feels great to know that I have choices, and my choices depict my life and what it is going to look like.
I Choose to live a happy and joyful life :)

having fabulous friends help out.

Naomi and I are spending V Day together, she is fabulous! Here is a video of Naomi singing Philo, a song she wrote! Check it out:

100th Post

Can you believe that I made it to 100 posts on my blog already, wow!! I know, it is because I post pretty much everyday, if not a couple times a day... but what can I say, I love blogging!

I just want to say thanks to everyone who has stood by me through all of the ups and downs over the past 100 posts, it really has meant the world to me.

I was inspired by a fellow blogger, Tara, to do something special for my 100th post. I am not sure If I will be able to capture it as well as the original author, Tara, did with her Autobiography in 100 words, but I am going to try.

Rebecca's 100 Word Autobiography

Unplanned pregnancy, Mom wanted me.

Loving Grandparents. Tumultuous times.

Addicted Father, passive Mother.

Mom remarried - Drug addicted Stepfather.

Drug raid, Foster home, Mother in jail.

Life spiraled downward. Hardships galore.

Instability. I Attempted perfection, wanted control.

Mom finally left him.

We were free.

Mother depressed.

Light appeared, Jesus - Glimmer of hope.

Moved to Minnesota. Alone. Depressed.

Found guy. Wanted Stability. Very abusive…finally left.

Broken. Hurt. Rebounded, met another Man. Married. Turned from God again.

Felt imprisoned.

Pregnancy. Struggle. Had a BEAUTIFUL BABY!

Cancer discovered. Marriage failing. Ultimatum, then Divorce.

Starting over, Serving Jesus… Taking one step at a time.

whew, that was tough. But again, therapeutic!
The power of words are amazing.
There is so much more to it than just that, but seriously, 100 words... That is tough, with so much to say. It seems so dark, but yet there have been so many amazing God stories along the way, I have a feeling though that now that I am whole heartedly serving God the rest will all be uphill :) My parents are both amazing, and they have their own story to tell, they are both serving God now, and I have a fabulous relationship with them both...

Like I always say a wonderful family, fabulous friends, and a very supportive Church! I am one blessed girl!
God has been amazing through it all. I am Loved, and I am happy. He has been there every step of the way, and although more often than not I turned to my own understanding, he has stood there, arms open wide, waiting for me to run into his embrace. Now here I am in the arms of my father, and so much healing is taking place, it amazes me! I have learned so much about who I am in these last few months, I feel great, and happy, and I am single and okay, for the first time. No more looking to a guy for stability, now I am looking to God!

Proceedings

Our court pre-trial is set for March 19th...
Madi now has a Guardian Ad Litem.

Oh and on a positive note, because I haven't mentioned it before... April is Having a boy and a girl: Abby and Avery will be their names. She found out the sex's at 13 weeks - technology is amazing! April is looking cute as ever, I want to say she is about 20 weeks prego right now :) Due June 17th, I believe. She has gestational diabetes, so feel free to add her to your prayer list.

A veryy Happy Valentines day

To Tamrah and Cory.


Tamrah Came over for Boundaries and she was the only gal who showed up, so we decided to have some fun with my cricut and make Cory the gift that Tamrah had been planning for Him. I had a fabulous idea to cut a cute box with some adorable personalized tags, all of which were cut from the Tags, Bags, Boxes and More cartridge. We tucked the little 'Coupons' inside the adorable box. They were made especially for Cory from Tamrah.

It turned out fabulous and Tamrah left with a big smile on her face, I was smiling as she left too... What a fabulous Day that I had!
They are planning on spending the day together as a family with their two little guys Avery and Parker. I looove that family, they are amazing :)

(Yes, they are the Photographers who have taken all of the amazing pics of Madi!)

Can You Say...

BENIGN!? Well, I can... The growth was a cyst, the doctor said, 'No Cancer was detected'.
Needless to say I was able to breathe a huge sigh of relief, and now I have a smile planted on my face, and I am thanking God with everything in me!!

Yay, I have an awesome God!

A little birthday gift to myself

I decided that one night wouldn't hurt. So i slept with Madi in my bed last night. I so desperately miss my little innocent, dependant baby who used to cuddle with me. She is so independent now, and although I let her be independent, there are times when she still likes to be close and cuddle next to me though they are few and far between. Among those times are when she is sleeping. So last night was fabulous to snuggle up to her all night, although my sleep probably wasn't as quality as usual, leaving me very tired today, it was great, and started off a wonderful birthday!

I am going out with a bunch of my girlfriends from church, who are all so dear to me. I love them so much! They truly bless me so much more than they know. Emarie and Loni were so sweet to set up a little 'Party' for me. We are going to Kincaids in downtown Saint Paul from 4-6pm for apps and drinks, then heading to my place from 6-9pm, I can't wait! I cannot think of another way that I would want to spend my birthday than in the company of great friends and Family, I wish all my friends and Family could come!

Thanks for all of the wonderful wishes everyone.
Much Love

Biopsy

Here is a picture of the recent growth, before the biopsy. The weirdest thing happened though, two nights ago it partially popped and blood came oozing out... but the same EXACT thing happened to the tumor last year, the one that was cancerous.

The doctor thinks that it may be a cyst, which I am praying is the case. We will find out the results within a week. Thanks for all of the prayers. They are much appreciated.

It is tender in there but relatively speaking considering this is what it looked like about 6 months ago... sorry, I couldn't get it to upload from my cell phone.

I will keep you all updated :)

ENT Specialist

Merrill Biel is my ENT Specialist, click on his name and it will lead you to the link telling you about his reputability! After reading it I felt encouraged.

And here is some great info on Mucoepidermoid Carcinoma. Very consistent with what I am experiencing, the good news is that my last tumor was low grade :)

I have butterflies in my stomach, I will be heading to my appointment shortly.

Aspiring to live this life

Aspire to Inspire….Before You Expire.
Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.
And leave the rest to God.
Happiness keeps You Sweet,
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Failures keep You Humble,
Success keeps You Growing,
But Only God keeps You Going...

My heart sinks

everytime I think about what the possibilities are for the growth in my mouth. It hurts, so I am constantly reminded.

please pray for me

a little nervous

... okay maybe not a little, maybe a lot.
Another growth has grown, and I though that it was a festering bone spur. It is so similar to the first tumor, and is painful just like the original one was, I think just because of the pressure that it is putting on the skin of the pallet. It is slightly larger, or at least protrudes more than the original one. I began wondering last week when I noticed that it started to feel like it was growing, and it became painful.

Hopefully it is benign. I keep having all of these thoughts running through my mind... what if they cut out more of my jaw? what if it is cancer? will I need radiation? why, when!?
argh, what in the world!?

I know that God has a plan though...
He is going to be by my side through it all :)

I have an appt with the ENT on Monday afternoon -we will see how it goes.

Should I Forgive?

Acid destroys first the vessel in which it is contained... a forgiving heart makes for a happy person! I am glad that I am a forgiving person, I am much happier for it, and honestly I have no idea where I would be today if I hadn't forgave those who have hurt me.

The real question should be, 'Is it worth it not to forgive?'

“Vengeance is having a videotape planted in your soul that cannot be turned off. It plays the painful scene over and over again inside your mind... And each time it plays you feel the clap of pain again... Forgiving turns off the videotape of pained memory. Forgiving sets you free.”
Lewis B. Smedes

“Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.”
Lewis B. Smedes

because I love her so much

Madilynn is 9 Months old, her next photo shoot she will be one year old!!

a little blog happy, i know...

But I couldn't help it, she is just so darn cute. So, I had to share these pictures. She is up and about for sure, getting into everything that she possibly can! she says 'Uh-Oh!' now...

Mommy, I love my shoes!

Helping Mommy do the laundry

Here is my funny story: She is in her walker and I am taking the clothes out of the dryer. She ran into the bathroom and after a couple of minutes I went to check on her. She managed t get the cupboard open and got into some things. She looked up at me as I walked in and said 'Uh-Oh!' I couldn't stop laughing, she is such a cute kid!

Caught in the Act

25 things about Moi...

The infamous facebook note --I had to post it on my blog because of course it is all about... Moi!

1. One thing that I am working on at the momment is my aggressive driving, I am trying to be kinder to people on the road, which is funny because I am typically a compliant person.

2. My favorite colors are Red and Pink, I am such a girl, I know!

3. I have a huge crush on Kevin James, I would probably marry him if he proposed.

4. Titanic is still one of my favorite movies.

5. I am Compassionate. Chances are that if you are reading this, I love you.

6. I hate being called 'Religious'. Truth is that I am not religious,I have a relationship with God, and that doesn't mean I am 'religious'!

7. I have a new found love for purses and bags.

8. I live in an apartment, alone, for the first time in my 23+ years of life.

9. When I was a little girl I used to bite my fingernails. My grandma offered to buy me a gold ring if I quit. So, I did. She bought me a ring, and I haven't bitten them ever since.

10. I do not drink soda, I think it tastes gross. Actually the only things that I do drink are water and on rare occassion a beer or glass of wine. Caffine makes me sick to my stomach!

11. There are 18 stoplights on my way to work every morning. Welcome to urbanization!

12. I have slight Scoliosis with a 25% curvature in my spine.

13. When I was younger I was in gymnastics for a couple years, I can still do the splits, and that is probably about it.

14. Shopping is my drug of choice, it is the only drug that I have ever used...LOL...seriously. And it is also another thing that I am working on!

15. I have lived in three states: Nevada, California, and Minnesota.

16. I am OCD and anal about everything pretty much, and according to Pete my pastor I am 'High Maintenance' Thanks Pete for being honest ;).

17. I am not a huge animal fan, I hope to never have an animal living in my home ever again.

18. I have been told by more than one person that I am too forgiving, but I don't think that there is such a thing as being too forgiving.

19. I am always tired regardless if I have gotten enough sleep or not.

20. I love to clean, it makes me very happy.

21. If I could help it, I would never be alone, I always like to be in someones company.

22. If I could I would make it so that every single day of the year was 80 degrees and sunny, I promise I wouldn't even dream of snow!

23. My dream job is to be a stay at home mom with a small online shop of some sort.

24. My ears have been pierced since I was an infant.

25. Believe it or not the only music I listen to is Christian, unless I am in someone Else's car or home or what have you...

Plans for good

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

Jeremiah 29:11

I have faith that my God is going to give me the best life that I can possibly have! Often I turn to fear instead of faith and make mistakes not following his plans for my life. So that is why I am where I am. Right now I am facing consequences of choices that I made out of fear, and sheer disobedience to what I knew God wanted for me.

So now I have started the journey of giving all of myself back to him. It is hard, and I struggle, but I know that I am where I am supposed to be. I am a work in progress. And I can't take credit for anything, I give it all to him, who saves me from myself and saves me from all of the wrong decisions that I have made.

I look forward to following the plans that you have for me God. I cannot wait to see what is in store for my life, I am eager to grow into living more and more fully for you. I have hope for a fabulous future, in you.