200 later

My Mom will tell you that I was born an adult - 'Responsible, and ready to take on the world...' and in some ways she is right, but I haven't always felt that way in every sense...
I am just a girl, and I think that I will always be 'Just a girl'. My Mom is a fabulous woman, who has made her fair share of mistakes - as we all have - in some ways I followed her footsteps and in other ways I deliberately became everything that she was not - you know how the saying goes about being like your 'Mom'.

I was unplanned for sure, conceived one night after 18 months of separation during the divorce process, I may have been an accident, but God obviously had some different plans! I believe that I was meant to be, That is my idea and I am sticking to it.

I am a sister, a daughter, and a Mother who has experienced so much in such a short life of 24 years and 191 days. I was born to a single Mom, who was in college, I was her second of three children and that is where my story began. My life as a kid was pretty unstable, which leaves me to say that there is no simple way to explain where and what my childhood was like, I have so many different recollections of what life looked like, and to be honest it is hard for me to know what happened when, I just have all of these memories floating around, and they make up and define who I am today...

Drugs, abuse and instability is what I grew up experiencing. I would never want to relive my childhood, but I wouldn't change it, only because I am happy with who I am today... I will say though that although I grew up in utter chaos, I felt like there is one thing that I never lacked, and it was Love - whether it came from my Mom, My Grandma, or My Sister - it was there, and I truly believe that as a human, that is the one thing that is necessary for healthy survival.

As I approached the 200th post I really began to recollect this whole blogging process, it has been truly amazing. There is something so liberating about spilling to the world your heart and your emotions, putting yourself out there in such a vulnerable way, and with it has come growth for me, it has been a great endeavor this past year writing what is on my mind.

So I have decided to re-post something that I feel really captures my life in a little nutshell of 100 words - it was a brilliant idea, and I thought about writing a 200 word autobiography but decided against it, because it was so well written in 100 words...

So here it is My 100 Word Autobiography

Unplanned pregnancy, Mom wanted me.
Loving Grandparents. Tumultuous times.
Addicted Father, passive Mother.
Mom remarried - Drug addicted Stepfather.
Drug raid, Foster home, Mother in jail.
Life spiraled downward. Hardships galore.
Instability. I Attempted perfection, wanted control.
Mom finally left him.
We were free.
Mother depressed.
Light appeared, Jesus - Glimmer of hope.
Moved to Minnesota. Alone. Depressed.
Found guy. Wanted Stability. Very abusive…finally left.
Broken. Hurt. Rebounded, met another Man. Married. Turned from God again.
Felt imprisoned.
Pregnancy. Struggle. Had a BEAUTIFUL BABY!
Cancer discovered. Marriage failing. Ultimatum, then Divorce.
Starting over, Serving Jesus… Taking one step at a time.

Please Excuse the Dust!

Blog Remodeling Taking Place! Sorry for the inconvenience.

Thank you

Busy, Busy... too busy to add a third busy...

So being a HUGE socialite, working full-time, and being a Mom, as well as sooo many other things- I have been ridiculously busy - which I am sure is needless to say, but I am saying it anyway. Maybe my schedule needs to take a break...it doesn't happen often that I have a free night available, and my schedule is booked out about two weeks - I know it sounds like my life is a business, right?!

My spirits are a little down at the moment, only because I miss my little girl. we have been on the go and doing stuff all summer that I feel as though I haven't had a moment to sit down, look her in her beautiful eyes and tell her how I love her oh so much. It has been fast paced and I just want to have some much needed quality time with my Baby Girl! So I have decided that Madi is my Priority from now on, she will be my nightly event and I am going to put her name in everyday on my calendar! I feel like I have been a neglectful Mom, not necessarily a bad Mom, but I haven't been being the Mom that I really Want to be... A Mom who pays attention to ALL of the small things, a Mom who is there at any needed moment, a Mom who has time to adore all of the precious moments of her fast paced life... I love her, and she is already 16 months, I don't want to miss any of this time that I have with her!

Being a Mom is my TOP priority.

Stupid is a relative term...

"Stupid is as stupid does."

Are we really defined by our choices? Am I a stupid person because I am defined as making stupid decisions or acting stupid once in a while?? I would say that we are not defined by our choices... just because I may do stupid things doesn't make me a stupid person.

If we were defined by our 'stupid' actions I believe that we would ALL, yes ALL - meaning everyone - would be defined as being stupid. Look at the definition here:

stu·pid
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(stpd, sty-)
adj. stu·pid·er, stu·pid·est
1. Slow to learn or understand; obtuse.
2. Tending to make poor decisions or careless mistakes.
3. Marked by a lack of intelligence or care; foolish or careless: a stupid mistake.
4. Dazed, stunned, or stupefied.
5. Pointless; worthless: a stupid job.

Can you think of anyone who hasn't been 'Stupid'?? Well, I can't... don't we all define stupid once in a while?

Just a thought, figured I would blog about what was on my crazy mind. I know, I am weird! what can I say... Maybe I define stupid once in awhile.

Beauty is in your eye, in your heart

There is beauty in everything, sometimes we see it and sometimes we don't... just open your eyes and look a little harder.

Life is great

My outlook today is amazing for some reason... I must have woken up on the right side of the bed! it probably helps that things in life right now are going really well, I do love being in a happy mood, I think that I am going to choose to be happy more often!

I am feeling quite inspirational today, and my mind is racing from one place to another with some fabulous thoughts, I just don't know how to get them out in a verbal way, so I will just smile and keep them to myself for once!

I got a promotion, I am officially now the Operations Manager for Groom Construction, I am so excited! I feel appreciated, and I feel like working my little-big tush off for this company!

Madilynn's 15 Month Shoot

Click HERE to visit CT Ryan Studios and view more pics of her!

Orthostatic Hypotension

So apparently salt IS good for me! No but seriously, the dizziness, faintness and lightheadedness is getting old... and it is irritating. The symptoms worsened about two weeks ago, I can barely go long periods during the day now without feeling the symptoms, and it is a sickening feeling at times - almost like I am coming down with the flu or something. I feel like I am in a haze, I am really woozy, and sluggish!

I went to the Doc on Friday and got some great news - They confirmed that I have Orthostatic Hypotension - which means I am closer to finding something to help these icky symptoms that I have been having. It is more than likely an underlying symptom of something greater. So for now I am waiting on the results...

{Love}

Love is such a complex word... written too simply!



I hate the complexity of the simple word we call Love, there should be so many more words to describe such a meaningFULL word - that has so many contexts.



I Love God. I love sushi. I love my daughter. I love to travel. I love my Mom. I love the smell of rain. I love music. I love my church. I love my girlfriends



Every single love that I experience is different, why is there only one word for it??

Words for thought

Tomorrow's life is too late. Live today.
-Marcus Valerius Martialis

My Blogging Purpose: Thinking outloud for all to hear

Everyone loves to be heard, but often we aren't heard, but it still feels good to let it all out - to process it... To Blog!

Thinking out loud - in the sense of writing - has been so freeing, and liberating. According to society and cultural standards saying some things are viewed as being offensive, rude, inappropriate, or disrespectful... The great thing about having my own blog, is that I can say what is on my mind and if anyone has a problem with it they don't have to read it or listen to it - they are entitled to their own opinions and they even have the option of informing me on what their thoughts are by leaving me a comment...

I encourage everyone I know to blog because it has been a great experience for me, and has been very therapeutic - not only that the only thing that we have to offer this world is ourselves, I figure that if this blog touches one person then it was not done in vain, it is then worth all of my time and effort.

Blogging to be heard.

Proverbs 3:5-6

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart;

do not depend on your own understanding.

6 Seek his will in all you do,

and he will show you which path to take.

A blog for Madi

The Things That Madder

(click here to link to the new blog)

So I have decided to start a blog solely for Madi - to create memories that will reflect the beauty of her life as she grows, looking back I wish that I would have done this sooner but rather late than never!

Hypotension?

I hate to be a Debbie Downer and keep dwelling on the negative, I just honestly want to feel better though...
I have seen so many doctors in the past year - so many that I don't even have enough fingers to count them all, so I gave up. I have been told that I have Addison's Disease, Hypotension, chronic fatigue, extraordinarily low BP, orthostatic hypotension, the simple case of being a 'New Mommy', and so many other little things... Every doctor seems to have their own opinion, and none of them seem overly concerned. When my BP is 80/46 - Last time I went to the doc - they responded, 'Oh, it is good to have low blood pressure.' Really? even if it is constant, even when I was prego it was low, and the funny thing is that I can never get enough salt and that is supposed to raise your bp!
Seriously, I can see how it can be a culmination of things (it doesn't help, with all of the changes that have gone on this past year...) but I am sure that there is a core issue that is not being treated here. Daily dizziness, fatigue, and faintness are no fun, and have to be the result of something that is going on deeper, right?! Can someone just please start taking it seriously, because it is getting irritating!
So, I have taken the liberty of trying to advocate for myself, by seeking a diagnosis- not the best idea, I know, considering I have no medical education - So, I have been looking up my symptoms. All of the issues I deal with really seem symptomatic of Hypotension of some sort...
Anyway, I am going to go and see a pulmonary sleep specialist to see if maybe I have some sleeping problems, because I am so exhausted all of the time, even if I get plenty of sleep, hopefully the sleep study will reveal something!

What is worth more... Cash or Silver?

I had the opportunity to meet with Terry and Darryl, Bev's Daughter and Son in Law. They introduced me to an amazing concept... Working together as a community to attain silver, before the price skyrockets - is the jist of it. I know it may sound rediculous, but after seeing the presentation it made complete sense!

I was a little leary at first, thinking that it may be a pyramid scheme of sorts, but after seeing the presentation I am reassured that joining Silver Mania, is the way to go!

I was able to go to Silver Mania's Website and read up on all of what they have to offer. I discovered some great links to some videos.

I have read some of the Rich Dad Poor Dad series and was completely swept off of my feet by all of the financial knowlege and wisdom that I gained from the books. From the Silver Mania website I linked to a video that Robert Kiyosaki's (the Author of the Rich Dad series) gold and silver investor, Maloney created.


I suggest that you look into it, you have nothing to loose, and a lot to gain. This is going to be life changing!

I may not know how to play, but that Doesn't mean that I don't appreciate the beauty of the music

Justin King - Knock on Wood

With everything in me, I want to do this! For some reason I feel so passionate about music at the moment... and the guitar is amazing, possibilities seem endless with the type of music you can make...

How To Contact Me:

I am reachable via email:
rrosario21@gmail.com

or you can leave a response on one of my posts with all of your information and I will get back to you at my earliest convenience.

Thank you

The Beauty of Grace we are given

"Just because I work incredible good out of unspeakable tragedies doesn't mean I orchestrate tragedies. Don't ever assume that my using something means I caused it or that I need it to accomplish my purposes. That will only lead you to false notions about me. Grace doesn't depend on suffering to exist, but where there is suffering you will find grace in many facets and colors."
(p. 185) The Shack

People Die Everyday

And it is just a part of life, hopefully when you die you will have left a legacy... not necessarily monetarily speaking, but a legacy of a life lived to the fullest, of a life that was lived giving to others.

So... Michael Jackson died, and his memorial service was today. I am indifferent about the situation, but I am not related to him; Yes, I think he was very talented, and yes, it is sad that he died and he will be missed by many, especially his poor children who lost a Dad. BUT seriously... is all of the hype, obsession, and idolization necessary!? He was only human like all of us, holy cow, it is being so overly publicized, it is ridiculous! I couldn't imagine being the family, and feeling overwhelmed at how publicized his death is!

It is great how when Mother Theresa died it was a humble thing, she was not idolized, but her death was mourned, in an appropriate manner. Something that I just totally think was a "God thing" was that she died a couple of days after Princess Di... it was such a beautiful thing because she wasn't put up on a pedestal, she didn't die in the limelight, which I am sure is what she would have wanted. She lived a selfless life, one that was full of love and sacrifice, and like Michael Jackson, and like you and I, Mother Theresa was only human. She lived a life filled with Love, the Love that God has for his people, and it was such a beautiful thing.


I hope to live a life like Mother Theresa, one that will leave a legacy to many people, I only fear that my own selfishness will get in the way of my legacy left.

I can't walk on water without God

"If you try to live this without me, without the ongoing dialogue of us sharing this journey together, it will be like trying to walk on the water by yourself. You can't! And when you try, however well-intentioned, you're going to sink."
(p. 180) The Shack